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AIBU or was MIL?

(108 Posts)
JagerPlease Sun 05-Feb-17 10:44:01

So last night DW and I went for our first evening out just the two of us since DS was born 6 months ago. We had theatre tickets for a show local to our house bought by my family over a year ago. MIL kindly offered to babysit so that we were leaving him with a familiar face for the first time, and we were very grateful.

We suggested MIL came a bit early so we could feed her and settle her in with DS. He has reflux (thank you to mumsnet for helping on our way to this diagnosis!) and generally only naps on people or out in the pram/sling. Instead she said she would bring her friend with her, and they ended up arriving 15 minutes before we were due to leave. Perhaps the first sign of how easy they were expecting the evening to be was the fact that they turned up with Scrabble.

DW fed DS right before we left to go for a pretty theatre drink. Within an hour or so MIL messaged to say everything was fine and they'd had given him a bottle.

45 minutes into the show DW got a message saying DS had been upset, they'd tried everything on our suggested list to get him to sleep and so had taken him out in the pram. He was now asleep but they thought we should be there when he woke up. DW replied to ask if MIL was asking us to come home now, and she confirmed she was.

So home we went to greet a sleeping baby. Who woke up cooing. Theatre tickets completely wasted.

Am I being ungrateful here or was MIL being unreasonable?

fuzzywuzzy Sun 05-Feb-17 10:46:18

Mil seems to have had a very unrealistic ide of what baby sitting a baby would entail.

I wouldn't take her up on any babysitting offers now till baby is older and can speak!

Sorry about your wasted theatre tickets.

sooperdooper Sun 05-Feb-17 10:49:36

How bloody annoying sad your mil sounds panicky about baby sitting, don't ask her again or if you do tell her phones will be off during the theatre/concert or wherever you're going!

Trills Sun 05-Feb-17 10:52:47

You had better be there when he woke up?


And she didn't even know WHEN he would next wake up.

Trills Sun 05-Feb-17 10:53:30

"The baby woke up, so I did some of the things you suggested and now he is asleep again"

This is not worth a text.

Basicbrown Sun 05-Feb-17 10:55:22

I guess it was annoying yes. But if MIL hadn't told you and you'd come back to a baby that was distressed and had been screaming for 3 hours I imagine you'd be writing a different aibu. Tbh I think a theatre trip for your first night out after pfb was born is an ambitious choice. Most people would pop out for a meal/ drink at the local a couple of times first. So I think yabu.

FlyWaxSleepRepeat Sun 05-Feb-17 10:56:13

Sounds like more stress than it was worth. Total waste of a night.

Paid babysitters are the way forward. MIL can hold her Scrabble evenings at another venue.

MidniteScribbler Sun 05-Feb-17 10:56:26

Sounds like MIL was being a bit overcautious. She's probably been reading MN where any MIL who dares let a child cry for ten seconds and doesn't put them to sleep in a gossamer nest are horrible harpies that will turn the child to stone.

She's a bit overanxious and trying to do the right thing. And you probably are as well. Seriously, give it six more months and you'll be saying 'oh just stick him in his cot with a bottle of milk and he'll survive'.

barinatxe Sun 05-Feb-17 10:56:48

She's just a shit babysitter. Don't use her again. If you use an amateur, sometimes they will do an amateurish job!

WineIsMyMainVice Sun 05-Feb-17 10:59:09

MIL was definitely BU. She obviously panicked.
Better luck next time op. I can imagine how disappointing this must have been!

Bluntness100 Sun 05-Feb-17 11:00:19

She's not capable to baby sit, for whatever reason. Not that she's unreasonable, simply she's not able. Two grown adults there and they were unable to cope. I think you just need to chalk it down to experience and learn lesson to use someone else in future.

JagerPlease Sun 05-Feb-17 11:03:10

Thanks for the replies. I think it would have been less annoying if she'd asked us to come home because she couldn't get him to settle, rather than once she had! She then text DW to say they were home eating pizza and hoped we had a quiet night. Grr

FlyWaxSleepRepeat Sun 05-Feb-17 11:06:26

Sounds a bit like it was a show-off effort for the friend's benefit, "look how great I am, babysitting" and it all backfired on her - clearly her plans of a quiet evening of Scrabble and pizza and basking in the glory of being a wonderful grandma went tits up! grin

Goingtobeawesome Sun 05-Feb-17 11:07:34

Basicbrown is talking nonsense

Basicbrown Sun 05-Feb-17 11:08:30

I also think it's hard when it's your first to know who to get to babysit. Once they are at nursery you can often get one of the girls from there to do it (which is bliss as they are so capable and your child knows them). But before that to find someone capable who you know/ trust is really, really tricky.

Basicbrown Sun 05-Feb-17 11:09:40

Basicbrown is talking nonsense

Lol ok hmmconfusedgrinbiscuit

Goingtobeawesome Sun 05-Feb-17 11:12:18

Well you are. The baby wasn't screaming. The Op isn't complaining the Mil didn't care for the baby properly. They sound confused as to why she agreed to baby sit then didn't for the required time and called them home completely unnecessarily. Nor was the OP requesting advice as to whether a theatre trip ok. People can do what they want on their first night out. There is no law.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sun 05-Feb-17 11:15:41

On the upside you now know for the future that she's crap

iamavodkadrinker Sun 05-Feb-17 11:15:48

Why did she offer to babysit? Stupid old trout.

Floralnomad Sun 05-Feb-17 11:16:21

She was definitely unreasonable , don't ask her again until the child is at least 6/7 and capable of looking after himself ,she sounds useless.

22esmeweatherwax Sun 05-Feb-17 11:16:58

I think MIL is in the wrong here and lesson learned, a more capable and reliable babysitter will be required next time. Clearly she was out of her depth and has forgotten how precious baby free time is when they are small. Don't ask her again even if she offers.

downwardfacingdog Sun 05-Feb-17 11:17:02

Your MIL is a rubbish babysitter. Don't use her again. I would only contact a parent if the DC I was babysitting was poorly or inconsolable. Not if they woke and I successfully settled them wtf? Saying that if my DM had asked me to come home in those circumstances I would have suggested it was not necessary. Did your DW do that?

Quartz2208 Sun 05-Feb-17 11:18:20

I don't think anyone was unreasonable I think it's just one of those things that can happen when you have a baby and she just panicked. As they get older they will be easier to babysit for

Basicbrown Sun 05-Feb-17 11:21:04

Whatever you say oh awesomeone have a star with your biscuit.

PurpleMinionMummy Sun 05-Feb-17 11:23:10

Yanbu. She should have waited until he woke, then she could have text if he was still unsettled. She was weirdly over cautious. Has your dw said anything to her mum?

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