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AIBU to wonder why some people post questions here?

(18 Posts)
ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 05-Feb-17 07:40:03

I've seen quite a few threads recently where people have asked a "AIBU" question and have become very defensive and upset when other posters suggest that they are BU.

It's very rare that I see a thread where every single response says that - most of the time there is a mix of responses and opinions. This section of MN can be pretty harsh at times, but the majority of the posters seem to have consideration for the OP and don't say anything that is overly harsh.

I think it's a good thing to be honest and sometimes you do need to be blunt in order to get your point across. Having said that I don't think there's ever any excuse for any kind of rudeness or goading.

But sometimes I do wonder why people post questions here if they aren't prepared to receive other perspectives instead of just "no YANBU you are totally in the right" all the time? It's nice to have affirmation sometimes but this is about honesty and dealing with situations in appropriate ways. No one's perfect and we all make mistakes in our conduct but part of it is owning up to being wrong sometimes.

Sorry for rambling - just early morning thoughts.

Hassled Sun 05-Feb-17 07:46:13

Quite often you do get people who are told they are BU and take it on board and have a rethink. I think the problem though is that while most people are polite and reasoned and justify why they think the poster is BU ("I don't think you've thought about X enough"), some people are just so bloody rude and make it sound so personal ("You haven't thought about X at all and you sound like a spoilt cow") - and of course those are the responses that you register first. It's human nature that when 80% of people are telling you you're not so bad and 20% are telling you you're the spawn of Satan, those are the posts you remember. So the OP gets prickly and defensive because it looks like the world hates her and then it all turns to shit.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 05-Feb-17 07:49:30

I see what you mean.

I'm thinking specifically about instances where the OP receives quite reasoned and constructive feedback, not rude in any way, but basically stating they are BU, and they take that very personally and become very defensive.

I can completely understand why someone would become upset and defensive over a very rude and goady comment - that is most definitely human nature.

daisychain01 Sun 05-Feb-17 07:55:00

Are you new to Mumsnet, Showme? grin

Sparklingbrook Sun 05-Feb-17 07:56:16

AIBU is a joke topic. But people want loads of replies or a bunfight so post here.

Generally there is another topic that would suit their question perfectly. They would get fewer replies but probably better ones there.

Some people never post anywhere but AIBU.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 05-Feb-17 07:56:46

Daisy depends how you define new. A few months? I post most days.

daisychain01 Sun 05-Feb-17 07:58:05

Your observations are well made, but they're on a par with "Gosh isn't Donald Trump disrespectful to women!"

daisychain01 Sun 05-Feb-17 08:00:12

AIBU is perfect if you fancy a punchup on a Saturday night without leaving the comfort of your living room.

Lots of blood and guts.

Sparklingbrook Sun 05-Feb-17 08:06:37

Exactly daisy. Why use the better topic when you can have a proper bunfight in AIBU then act the victim when everyone is hmm

ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 05-Feb-17 08:09:38

The majority of responses seem quite helpful and constructive. There are some very harsh responses that would upset me if I got them, but unless the thread is utterly daft most of the time it's quite fair.

But even then some posters get very upset and do the old flouncy thing.

Sparklingbrook Sun 05-Feb-17 08:12:51

You can't post in AIBU then get upset at the responses then flounce because you dont like what you hear.

Anyway I thought the latest trend was to ask MNHQ to pull your thread if you didn't get the replies you wanted.

sobeyondthehills Sun 05-Feb-17 08:20:42

I think a lot of people post in AIBU to get traffic.

Not thinking that it is so cut throat. I know that my last few threads have received no replies.

But then I post at 1 in the morning. and generally stay away for AIBU

piginboots Sun 05-Feb-17 08:31:37

I posted last night about my dp's tipping habbits.. had a bit of an "oh Jesus what am i doing?" moment before pressing send just in case it all blew up but there seems to have been a fair balance of answers (no one has even told me to LTB yet shock). I'd never post here about something I cared deeply about though - you just never know how it's going to go and there is huge potential for upset.

Sparklingbrook Sun 05-Feb-17 08:33:46

I hardly ever start a thread any more. If I did I would probably opt for Chat or the specific topic.

OliviaStabler Sun 05-Feb-17 08:38:55

I think some posters think there is no way they are BU and post expecting lots of supportive comments then get quite shocked when people don't agree with them.

Had one recently. All comments were the OP was BU but OP wouldn't agree and had the thread pulled.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 05-Feb-17 08:42:37

Olivia - I think that's exactly it - the utter conviction of being in the right and then suddenly reading pages and pages of YABU.

NavyandWhite Sun 05-Feb-17 08:54:10

I'd only ever start a thread in AIBU if I honestly had no clue if I being unreasonable!

Trills Sun 05-Feb-17 08:54:50

People ask AIBU in the same way that some people ask "you get it right?" or "am I making sense here?" at the end of a sentence.

They mean of course you agree with me, but I'd like you to confirm this out loud.

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