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Is my HBU or was this man re. DD in changing room?

(59 Posts)
crazywriter Sun 05-Feb-17 00:41:48

DH took Dd1 (4) swimming. I was home with DD2 as she was napping. I've been mulling this over because DD is angry and upset that this happened and isn't sure he wants to take DD1 swimming on his own again.

So the story he's told me:

Got into the changing room to get into swim stuff. A guy (let's call him Bob) was in there. No problem. They got dressEd and. Into the pool.

Came back after to find Bob in the shower without the curtain pulled over. Bob was naked and instantly told DH to get DD out as it was the men'seeking changing room. DH says he asked the man to pull the curtain to the shower across if he was that bothered about a 4yo being in there. DH got DD dressed while the guy continuously ranted about a girl bring in the men's changing rooms while he was naked and that the mum should have been there to deal with this. Then he said they should have waited outside for him to finish (wet and cold)

DH didn't think anything of taking DD into the changing rooms at her age. I wouldn't think of it if I had a 4yo boy. Whenever I've been in a changing room and a mum has had her DS in there, I've just got on with my own thing.

So now DH isn't sure he wants to take her back and isn't sure if he was in the wrong. There's no signs but the general rule when I've been in gyms is under 7 and they go with the parent rather than a changing room of their own sex. DH didn't feel that comfy about letting DD go into the ladies on her own in case something happened (like she fell down the stairs on the way in) or she had trouble with her swimming costume.

So was DH BU for not waiting or was the man BU for not pulling the curtain over and getting so uptight about a 4yo (who has no care in the world aboutility what others do) being in the changing rooms. I think the man but I'm happy to be told otherwise and have to go with DD all the time.

early30smum Sun 05-Feb-17 00:43:22

The man was clearly BU!

Amandahugandkisses Sun 05-Feb-17 00:44:56

The man was VU

RacoonBandit Sun 05-Feb-17 00:45:25

Of course the man WBU.
He could have pulled the curtain but chose not to.
Your DP needs to see this guy was an arsehole and go back to enjoying swimming with his daughter.

GloveBug Sun 05-Feb-17 00:46:33

Dd5 goes in the mens all the time with DH. Way to young to go in on their own. Our local pools seem to say that around 7 they should stick to the relevant changing room

MommaGee Sun 05-Feb-17 00:48:04

Other man was U and an arse.

If it could be done without Dd hearing I'd have told OM that her mother had died horribly and painfully several years ago and was he suggesting that he shouldn't allow her to go swimming because of it. But then I'm a mean cow.

If DH had let 4 yo go into the ladies alone I'd have killed him and if I saw a 4 yo alone I'd have reported it to reception.

No one would batter an eye lid about your 4 yo son being in with you

Out2pasture Sun 05-Feb-17 00:50:30

Does your pool not have a family change room? Might be worth asking or requesting as buildings always go through renovations.

crazywriter Sun 05-Feb-17 00:52:53

Thank you. I thought so but wanted to double check I wasn't in a bubble. I fully intend to get him to kept going. They both love their time together but this is the first time they've been swimming together. It has always been me taking her. DD loves swimming (DD2 not so much but a little at a time for her) so we'd like her to keep going but not have to be limited to just me when DH is the sahp.

I'll let DH know you agree with us to see if it helps.

crazywriter Sun 05-Feb-17 00:54:01

No family changing room. It's an old building and used to be connected to the hotel but is now a gym and.pool separately owned. Children are only allowed at the weekend so there'd really be no need for it I guess.

DJBaggySmalls Sun 05-Feb-17 00:55:44

It sounds like he has a fetish, and having a child there ruined the fantasy for him.

PleasantPhesant Sun 05-Feb-17 00:55:45

The guy likes to shower with the world seeing...he's in the wrong.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sun 05-Feb-17 01:01:27

I'm 35 and my dad took me swimming. I saw a lot of naked men. Nobody cared then and it seems beyond old fashioned to care now.

Yanbu.

sailorcherries Sun 05-Feb-17 02:41:14

The man was being very unreasonable and and a dick.

What if that happened to a poor girl with no mother!? Should she and her father never get to go swimming there?

KoalaDownUnder Sun 05-Feb-17 02:58:50

The man was being an arse.

It's fine to have little boys in the women's changing rooms, so I don't see why the reverse shouldn't be true!

SignOnTheWindow Sun 05-Feb-17 03:26:24

Your DH did absolutely the right thing. The man was being a total wank sock.

Cheby Sun 05-Feb-17 04:03:22

The guy was an arse. And probably doesn't have children so doesn't realise quite how little 4 is. There is no way I would send my almost 4yo in to get changed on her own, not least because how bloody distracted she would get.

He would have had a pointnif she was 8. Not at 4 though.

Araminta99 Sun 05-Feb-17 04:07:49

I think the man was being unreasonable but I do have distinct memories of my dad taking me into the men's toilets one time as mum wasn't with us and I was scared, there was a horrible smell and lots of men around frightened me. So I wouldn't want my DH take my DD into the men's toilets unless it was a real emergency.

I think if DH was taking DD swimming and she was too small to go into the changing rooms on her own, chances are she would be too young to have much modesty and could be changed quickly in a corridor or communal area with a towel wrapped around her, rather than going into the men's. Just an idea if your DH is uncomfortable in the future. Or he could ask a female member of staff at the pool to mind her while she got changed in the ladies? She will soon be old enough to get changed on her own.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sun 05-Feb-17 04:55:08

The other man is a selfish unreasonable wanker.

So sorry your DD and DH have had this unpleasant experience - if there are shower curtains (unusual IME!) then other man should have used them, not shouted at other people!

Trifleorbust Sun 05-Feb-17 05:09:42

YANBU. Your DH has the same right to take your DD swimming as you do.

he could ask a female member of staff at the pool to mind her while she got changed in the ladies?

I wouldn't ask a stranger to see to my child when it involved them getting changed, and nor should the member of staff be placed in that position.

RebootYourEngine Sun 05-Feb-17 05:10:01

Yanbu. Why did he need to shower naked anyway.

I have never been swimming and saw anyone showering naked, everyone showers with their costumes/trunks on and then goes and gets dressed in a cubicle. But then again i have never been swimming anywhere with separate changing rooms.

Cheby Sun 05-Feb-17 05:21:42

I think if DH was taking DD swimming and she was too small to go into the changing rooms on her own, chances are she would be too young to have much modesty and could be changed quickly in a corridor or communal area with a towel wrapped around her, rather than going into the men's.

But then what would the DH donwth her while he got changed himself? Leave a 4yo in a random corridor alone?

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 05-Feb-17 05:24:40

The man is a complete idiot. I hope it hasn't put him off taking her swimming.

AnnieNeedsAMacBook Sun 05-Feb-17 05:41:01

The man is bonkers. The normal rule is up to 8 years old us fine in the opposite changing rooms.

Please make sure to ring the pool & let them know what happened. It's a shame DH didn't on his way out. The guy needs telling.

Baffledonthisone Sun 05-Feb-17 05:44:59

Please ignore all suggestions to facilitate this horrible man.
The ONLY thing I would do differently if it happens again is report him to the manager at the swimming pool or gym.

picklemepopcorn Sun 05-Feb-17 06:36:25

Maybe ask the pool management to put up signs saying that children under eight of both sexes will be in changing rooms with parents. (Please behave appropriately.)

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