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To ask for a handhold

(10 Posts)
Montgomerysleftpaw Sat 04-Feb-17 23:55:45

Have left DP. Possibly for trial separation, possibly for good. He's an alcoholic in denial, and I can't let it go on. We have a 5 month old son. Currently lying in bed with DS in my mothers house, and thinking..... Oh fuck.

There's a thread in relationships if anyone wants the gory details.

ferriswheel Sat 04-Feb-17 23:57:52

Well done you!

Right, imagine lying next to your ten year old son having left your partner. Same scenario, ten lost years.

You posted at 2355. You are now two minutes closer to being through this.

RowenaRavenclawsLostDiaphragm Sat 04-Feb-17 23:59:21

You've been very brave and have done the right thing for both you and your son.

early30smum Sun 05-Feb-17 00:01:23

flowers well done. You will be ok.

You can't fix your DP's life only he can do that. The only thing you can do is protect yourself and your DS from your DP's choices. You did what you had to do. You have done the right thing.

Montgomerysleftpaw Sun 05-Feb-17 00:11:17

He's not a bad man. He's a troubled soul. He's not physically abusive. He can be a bit aggressive with body language when he's challenged and drunk. He tries to gaslight me (I haven't had a drink, I didn't get in your face, I did t say that etc etc) but does it more because he can't admit the truth to himself.

He's never drunk, and has cut down. But he's never sober after 5 or 6pm either, and whenever life is a bit stressful he reaches for a drink. When we need him, he needs a drink is the best way to put it.

He blames me. I put him on a tightleash. I don't let him be himself. Drink is a reward for his hard work and I'm denying him that.

He could be an amazing father and partner. I'm so angry at him for throwing it away. Why can't DS and I be enough for him? Why is whiskey more important than us?

userformallyknownasuser1475360 Sun 05-Feb-17 00:19:25

Hi Montgomery, speaking as an alcoholic in recovery, you have fine the best possible thing you can to help him.

You being there cinstantly when he was drinking was probably enabling his behaviour.

This may be the thing that makes him get help.....my dw leaving was the thing that made me seek help.

Montgomerysleftpaw Sun 05-Feb-17 00:30:04

user.... Well done on getting help.
Did you and DW work your relationship out in the end? Or at least stay friends??

SingingInTheRainstorm Sun 05-Feb-17 04:20:22

I think alcoholic is thrown around quite freely now, maybe he grew up around people who fit like a stereotype for alcoholism. That being said, he needs better coping mechanisms than OMG crisis, best get a drink.

userformallyknownasuser1475360 Sun 05-Feb-17 09:40:48

Montgomery, we are in the process, it's hard work, there's no guarantee it is going to work but we are going to relate.

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