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AIBU?

I'm thinking another baby shower so soon is a little 'not done'?

57 replies

bummymummy77 · 04/02/2017 12:02

Admittedly I'm in the States where the baby shower tradition is a bit more full on but I think even here this is a little off.

Dsil is throwing herself a baby shower. She's having another girl 18 months after the last.

In huge letters on the shower invitation it tells you she's registered at Amazon. It's not a small line, it's bigger than their names even!

I understand having a shower if you're having a child of a different sex or kids really far apart but she has a shit ton of clothes from the first, she's just adamant that it's unfair for the new baby to wear hand me downs.

I'm a little embarrassed as I've been put on it as one of the hosting names.

Not to mention I never made any offer to co host this time, was not consulted on the date even! I only found out about it last night when I was handed an invitation. I've just been given a huge list of things to buy and do. Oh and it's in two bloody weeks!

Am I being unreasonable in being a bit annoyed and thinking this is a little crass?

OP posts:

Report

ymmv · 04/02/2017 12:03

yanbu

Beelzebop · 04/02/2017 12:04

Wow! Definitely! Can you be busy that day?

AndNowItsSeven · 04/02/2017 12:04

It's a new life, not the same baby. People would buy gifts regardless.

specialsubject · 04/02/2017 12:04

I thought even in america you don't throw your own shower as that is gimme gimme?

Tell her you are doing something else and can't be involved. Ickle preshus may have to cope with second hand clothes.

LucklessMonster · 04/02/2017 12:05

Baby showers shouldn't be done full stop.

GeillisTheWitch · 04/02/2017 12:05

I thought it wasn't the done thing for a second baby. If she wants to be precious about hand me downs she can fund it herself.

Gallavich · 04/02/2017 12:06

Can't you be busy that day?

Creatureofthenight · 04/02/2017 12:06

YANBU. Its daft enough to want all new stuff for a 2nd baby, but to expect other people to buy it for you is very grabby.
It's also very rude to put your name on the invitation as a host without asking you first.

RingringWhoIsIt · 04/02/2017 12:06

I don't like baby showers regardless of whether it's the first or the second.

girlelephant · 04/02/2017 12:07

I think it's incredibly rude you are down as hosting & have jobs to do without consultation!

Did SIL or another "host" give you the invite & list of jobs?

I would have a pre-arranged event for the day and send apologies.

I say this as someone who actually likes bang showers! (Yes, unusual for MN!). Although everyone I know only agrees to a baby shower being thrown for them when it was their first baby

bummymummy77 · 04/02/2017 12:07

I stupidly said 'oh yes we're free that day'. Dh gave me a death stare from the other side of the room.

The last shower poor dh ended up doing mostly everything as our ds was ill and wouldn't let me out of his sweaty death grip for long.

OP posts:

bummymummy77 · 04/02/2017 12:11

I threw a shower for another friend who had a baby recently as her two other kids are 8 and 10 and she's only just moved to the area so had zero stuff and for us it was like her first baby as we hadn't known her before.

She insisted I wrote 'please no gifts' on the invites although everyone bought something anyway.

Oh and dsil's list is so cringey. Everything is really expensive, no cheap options.

She's only actually got one friend so it's mostly family. Starting to see why with this behaviour lol!

OP posts:

bummymummy77 · 04/02/2017 12:11

What's a bang shower girlelephant?

OP posts:

bummymummy77 · 04/02/2017 12:22

Dmil gave me the list of jobs.

OP posts:

Wondermoomin · 04/02/2017 12:24

Ugh it's so very grabby. Bad enough when it's organised by someone else but to throw one for yourself? Ugh. I organised a very informal afternoon tea for my friends in the late stages of my first pregnancy. There were no gifts nor any expectation of them, it was purely about enjoying some relaxed time together before the demands on my time shifted to centre around a newborn. I love that my friends understood that was what was important to me.

picklemepopcorn · 04/02/2017 12:24

Autocorrect for baby shower, I think!

MuseumOfCurry · 04/02/2017 12:26

Bad form - baby showers are for first babies only (or subsequent babies in the case of a comparatively big age gap). Tell her she's being grabby and you want no part of it.

Trifleorbust · 04/02/2017 12:26

She can have a baby shower if she wants to (it's an invitation, not a summons!) but she should host it herself and not expect you to do the work and admin unless you offer.

FireInTheHead · 04/02/2017 12:29

Tell her no? I'm in the USA too, and baby showers are customary here for a first baby - a second is ok if there is a big age difference. This doesn't just look grabby, it is grabby.
She's all kinds of wrong. It's absolutely not 'done' to throw it herself even under the cover of someone else (you) throwing it for her; all the mums-to-be I know wait until someone offers to do it.
Where does she get off telling you what to do and sending out invites in your name and decide on how she's spending your bloody money?
OP, tell her no.

bummymummy77 · 04/02/2017 12:33

They all hate me as it is. If I said no I'd be kicked out of the family. Hmm, hang on a minute.......

OP posts:

MagicChicken · 04/02/2017 12:34

YANBU. How grabby and entitled.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/02/2017 12:34

But it's a different baby. Surely you just have a shower for each baby?

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user1485688403 · 04/02/2017 12:35

Baby showers are an American idea, that should stay that side of the pond. Crass and gift grabbing. You're having a baby. Like millions of woman before you. It's social media that has given rise to this expectation. Look how loved I am !! I feel the same way about baby showers as I do grand videos on FB announcing the baby's sex. One particular one, that had the couple opening a box and releasing lots of pink balloons, and then a soft focus shot of them holding a pink teddy together on the sofa.
Pass the sick bag.Rant complete.
Tell her no.

bummymummy77 · 04/02/2017 12:41

I'd be fine with a nice brunch and a get together Dame. It's the emphasis on gifts and what she needs that I'm finding a little off. Dmil actually said last night that they were having the shower so they could get gifts as it wasn't nice for the poor lass to not having anything new herself.

She's a bloody newborn, pre worn clothes are softer anyway!

OP posts:

ImpetuousBride · 04/02/2017 12:42

Time to find that "something's come up" or someone's caught a viral infection :) if they hate you anyway why are you so ready to bend over backwards for them?

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