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AIBU?

MIL and benefits

50 replies

ShowMePotatoSalad · 04/02/2017 09:25

Sorry, it's a MIL one.

MIL seems to think we are entitled to benefits and keeps on at us that we are losing out and how we need to get it sorted.

We have 1 DC, in nursery 3 days per week. DH and I pay for this ourselves and we use our employer's childcare vouchers to enable us to cover most of the costs before tax.

The only thing we claim is the child benefit amount of £20.70 per week.

Our combined gross income before tax is just over £40,000. I have used all the online calculators to check if we are eligible for anything else but we earn too much to be eligible.

MIL says we are entitled to have our childcare costs paid for (!) or receive something like £300 a month. Where is she getting this info from? She won't stop talking about it and even though I've explained we're not eligible she is insistent.

I wouldn't claim anyway - we earn enough and are happy as we are.

She has another DIL who does claim more but that is for a reason and their family circumstances mean they need it, but I think MIL has got confused and thinks it's another blanket benefit (like child benefit) that we should be getting.

Am I missing something?!

OP posts:

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TeaBelle · 04/02/2017 09:27

How old is your child? Is she thinking about 15 hours funded nursery places for some 2 and all 3 year olds?

ShowMePotatoSalad · 04/02/2017 09:27

He's 15 months.

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SavoyCabbage · 04/02/2017 09:29

I was going to say does she know about the childcare vouchers but instead I think you should stop talking to her about money. It's none of her business! Is she says anything just ignore her. Or divert her 'did I tell you ds has drawn a lion?'

xyzandabc · 04/02/2017 09:30

Ask her to show you exactly where this information is. Then point out why you are not eligible. Maybe she thinks you earn less that than you do?

Threelittlerobins · 04/02/2017 09:31

If you use childcare vouchers already then you are benefitting by paying less tax. Taking into consideration your income and that you are claiming child benefit then I can't see what else you are entitled to.

Some older people do seem to think all these benefits they hear about are for everyone with children which isn't the case.

I have had jokey comments about how I'm having my third child for 'all the benefits'. Yes all £13.70 a week of it

228agreenend · 04/02/2017 09:32

I think in the past you may be eligible under Working Tax credits, but the threshold changed. I know we used to get something. May have got that totally wrong.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 04/02/2017 09:32

She doesn't know about our financial situation - I've just explained that we aren't eligible because we earn enough. "Oh no, that's not right" then she brings up her other DIL and what they get. I just sat "but our circumstances are different" and then she says we need to check again! I just divert her to DH at that point!

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Marmalade85 · 04/02/2017 09:32

You would be entitled to benefits (help with childcare costs etc) if you were a single parent so I think she has got it confused with this.

winniewigs · 04/02/2017 09:33

She probably has good intentions, and thinks that she's helping you not to miss out. But she's said it now, so she doesn't need to keep going on about it. I agree that it's really none of her business, and you should just quickly change the subject until she gets the message.

Ginmakesitallok · 04/02/2017 09:33

I'd thank her very much and ask her where to find out more information. Then ignore

ShowMePotatoSalad · 04/02/2017 09:35

Oh good - glad I've not gone totally mad and was missing something massively obvious. It's been driving me potty - she's so insistent that I keep thinking she must be right.

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winniewigs · 04/02/2017 09:35

Threelittlerobins - That's over £700 a year. Every little helps.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 04/02/2017 09:36

winniewigs I think you're right - she's very protective of her family and she would only want what's best for us. The problem arises when she doesn't stop. She's not very good at taking no for an answer but we can't change that. I think we have to get a little bit better at diverting the conversation to something else.

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CurbsideProphet · 04/02/2017 09:39

Have you looked at the the Turn 2 Us benefit calculated? That would make it absolutely clear. Good luck!

user1484226561 · 04/02/2017 09:42

just ask her exactly what benefit she is talking bout, then look into it, than tell her if she is right or wrong.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 04/02/2017 09:42

Yep used Turn2Us and the Government one - nada.

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Allthewaves · 04/02/2017 09:46

You could use tax credits for childcare costs instead of vouchers but not sure if u would be any better off. Povate pension contributions get deducted from your earning for tax credits so thus can lower your declarable income

olaflikeswarmhugs · 04/02/2017 09:47

Op if you don't mind sharing your financial situation with her.. why don't you sit with her one day on an online benefits calculator as if you are agreeing to look into it.. then the evidence that you're not entitled will be there in black and white for her to see?

I know the best thing to do is ignore but this would annoy me so much I'd have to prove to her she was wrong

ShowMePotatoSalad · 04/02/2017 09:55

Allthewaves interesting. But how would I be eligible to have childcare tax credits in the first place, to use them for childcare costs?

The benefit from work is available to everyone regardless of income (except the threshold is less for higher earners).

But even if we were covering those costs after tax (ie didn't have an employment benefit), it wouldn't affect our gross income which is how child tax credits are calculated, so we still wouldn't be eligible.

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ShowMePotatoSalad · 04/02/2017 09:56

Ah, I see what you mean about pension contributions.

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needsahalo · 04/02/2017 09:58

You would be entitled to benefits (help with childcare costs etc) if you were a single parent so I think she has got it confused with this

Single parents are mean tested in the same way as everyone else. There is no such thing as a single parent benefit.

Marmalade85 · 04/02/2017 10:02

Needs a halo yes I know because I am a single parent. I receive benefits that I didn't receive when I was in a relationship so think perhaps this is what the MIL is confused with.

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exLtEveDallas · 04/02/2017 10:03

The next time I'd say "yes, that's right, we get that"

End of convo

If you don't need any extra 'help' then what does it matter? She thinks she's helped, you don't have to keep having the conversation. Win win.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 04/02/2017 10:05

Marmalade I don't think MIL is confused about this - her DIL is with her DH so she isn't a single parent. Their combined income still entitles them to claim benefit. But MIL thinks that we're losing out on the benefit they're getting, despite the fact we've told her we aren't eligible due to our income.

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ShowMePotatoSalad · 04/02/2017 10:07

ex I'm not going to tell her I claim benefits when I don't just so she can think she's helped.

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