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Expecting number two and scared.....

(29 Posts)
user1469302797 Fri 03-Feb-17 16:18:51

Using AIBU for traffic really but I do have some AIBU questions. I'm 32 weeks pregnant with number two and have a two year old. I'm very scared about how I'll cope with two. I have a husband and nice house but not many close friends nearby. My family are 45 mins away but have pressures on their time.....too much to go into here. DH parents are about hour away but you know what it's like with in laws.....SILs wrapped up in their own stuff. I know I will cope as people do but I do feel vulnerable. I've got four more weeks of work and feel so tired already. Work is stressful and support is sporadic. I just feel like I'm plodding along and no one really listens to me. AIBU to want a few hours to myself....to bond with unborn baby? I feel everyone wants a slice of me but I don't get much back. I'm always first to phone people if they are unwell etc....but been ill all week and just my mum has called. I know I sound immature and precious but I'm so tired and everything seems much worse. Hubby is great at practical stuff but can't remember last time he suggested we do something together. I try and talk to him but he's interrupted by work, phone, toddler. So in a few weeks there will be more pressure on us and I'm scared. Scared about less sleep. Toddler doesn't sleep great but we get a reasonable amount each night. I'm scared about trying to breastfeed with a toddler to entertain. Scared about getting out of house with two! Scared about MIL reaction to Baby name as we are using a family name as middle name. Scared about c section. Worried about worrying and just feel like the world is spinning and I need to get off for a few hours......

Dothehokeykokey Fri 03-Feb-17 16:21:10

I thought this was going to be like the farting thread. Sorry

Hannahbanana1725 Fri 03-Feb-17 16:26:43

Firstly, these are completely normal worries!
Being a parent is hard, let alone a parent to two!
It sounds like you need some tlc before the little one is born. Have a pamper day or go to a spa. Share your worries with DH? He may be able to help 🤗

user1469302797 Fri 03-Feb-17 16:44:09

Nothing to do with farting but that has made me laugh so thanks! I can see how the thread title might be misleading....

And thanks for post above....I do need some tlc so may have to drop some big hints! Hubby offered to go to chippy tonight and that's as romantic as it gets!!

MagicMojito Fri 03-Feb-17 16:53:54

I was in your exact situation, same ages, same worries, very limited support smile

Im not going to lie, IMO it IS hard, but it very quickly becomes the new normal. Youll surprise yourself at how quickly youll adapt because you literally have to, there really isnt much choice grin

I was pretty terrified at the start tbh, but now i wouldnt swap my situation for the world.

Just make sure your looking after yourself brew cake

zoobaby Fri 03-Feb-17 17:02:44

Same advice as Magic. There's this thing called CBeebies which is great for breastfeeding time. smile Seriously though, your 2 year old will cope (surprise you immensely) and you'll do your best. It really does just sort itself out. You mentions CS though... will your DH have paternity leave?

zoobaby Fri 03-Feb-17 17:06:07

Also, remember back to your first pregnancy. Is anything massively different this time around? For me it was tiredness. I'd be in bed by 7pm every night. But 2nd time around it wasn't an option so I just forged through. You adapt and you cope. It's bloody hard, but you'll manage.

TooSmittle Fri 03-Feb-17 17:19:47

Having a baby with a toddler is hard work but like everyone's said, it does get easier. We're 4 months in now and I'm coping. Sometimes I even blow dry my hair and put makeup on! Getting out of the house with both of them felt like climbing a mountain at first but I'm more in the swing of it now. The baby already sleeps better than my DD ever has and she's adapted wonderfully to her baby brother. It's hard work but you'll find your groove in time.

I'm 100s of miles from any of my family or friends and my DP works away for weeks at a time. I remember feeling terrified I wouldn't be able to cope but I'm stronger than I realised and you are too smile

Can you talk all this through with your DH? Try to come up with a plan for getting a bit of time to yourself? Sometimes I think we all need a bit of care and attention and it's absolutely fine to ask for it when it's not happening automatically. Be kind to yourself, and have some medicinal chocolate and cake as soon as possible!

anniroc Fri 03-Feb-17 17:31:43

You just kinda...do. That's all (oh and Peppa Pig for breastfeeding distraction). It's hard, but it does get better, I promise. And then they go to school and you have a whole other load of stuff to deal with! Meeting up with mummy friends, doing classes (Gymboree in particular as they have sessions where you just take them to play) all helped me. Good luck x

Bubbinsmakesthree Fri 03-Feb-17 17:33:01

Similar situation myself - 31 weeks, no local family or other support. And we have such a nice life at the moment with DS and I worry about ruining everything by throwing a new baby into the mix (even without all the 'what if...?' worries that plague me).

I'm just starting DS at a nursery a few sessions a week, to give him time to settle before the new baby comes. The hope is it'll be good for him socially/developmentally as well as giving me a bit of quiet time with new baby. Is anything like that an option for you?

Talith Fri 03-Feb-17 18:17:42

You willbe ok. You will get into a routine in time and do it all plus work without a thought. It is a lovely age gap when they are older even though can be tiring when they are tiny.

My advice is choose your battles and drop your standards on non essential stuff whilst you acclimatise. I am not an energetic mother but coped ok even though had two crap sleepers. You learn so much with the first baby. That really helps.

MrsBellefleur Fri 03-Feb-17 18:36:21

I'm in a similar place, just over 32 weeks with dd2. Dd is nearly 4 but she is very hard work and doesn't sleep through yet and I don't finish work till 39 weeks. I only work part time though so not as crazy as it seems!

I'm worried about feeding the baby when dd1 is demanding to be entertained or just getting all three of us out of the house when all I will prob want to do is sleep is terrifying me.

You are not alone!

RainyDayBear Fri 03-Feb-17 20:38:54

Lots of good advice already, I just wanted to say please don't worry about the c section, it's honestly fine (and I say that as a needle phobic person who's terrified of medical things).

EsmesBees Fri 03-Feb-17 20:52:56

You are definitely not alone. 25 wks here with an almost 2 year old. A great and supportive DH, but no other help. My memories of the early days last time are of mammoth feeding sessions spent in bed watching Netflix. Not going to happen this time!

donquixotedelamancha Fri 03-Feb-17 20:57:17

" I'm very scared about how I'll cope with two." That seems a very reasonable perspective to me. Two little uns is hard. First year is hardest, but it does get easier once no. 2 is toddling, as they entertain each other. It's fab watching your toddler care for the baby. It's worth it.

As others have said: get routine established; consider nursery for a day or two a week; sleep when you can; establish good communication with DH, and keep it up even when both knackered.

sotiredbutworthit Fri 03-Feb-17 21:01:35

I have just had my second and I had the same worries! I have to admit that so far it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. My son is three and I make sure I get him involved- he "reads" his brother a story when I'm feeding him, fetches nappies for me and I get him to sing to his little brother too!! There are moments where I wonder what the hell I have done but I know this phase won't last long. Like others have said, CBeebies has been a god send!! Don't be afraid to be honest with people too. Say when you need some time out- it's hubbys child too!!!

Outbackshack Fri 03-Feb-17 21:01:37

3 year old and 3 month old now and it is honestly fine. Much easier than I expected. (Never easy fyi, not a humble brag) I think the pregnancy towards the end was actually hard as just so bloody tired and heavy yet still had ds1 to entertain. Now he can see when I'm busy with ds2 and has been great. I got worrie about how he would cope and how I could cope and we are muddling along ok smile

sotiredbutworthit Fri 03-Feb-17 21:01:53

You will be fine! You CAN do this!

sotiredbutworthit Fri 03-Feb-17 21:03:11

Outbackshack- ditto!!

kimann Fri 03-Feb-17 21:07:15

I'm in a similar boat - daughter is 2 (almost 3) and son is now 4 months. It is hard work but don't worry you'll manage. Have you looked at baby groups? Around my area there are a few groups of mums who meet up every week to do park walks/coffee. Where are you based?

user1485706893 Fri 03-Feb-17 21:09:53

I feel the same way, same ages, no family under 1 1/2 hours away, partner can work 8-8 .God, what have I done!? ...I'm sure it'll be fine...honest.

Robstersgirl Fri 03-Feb-17 21:11:15

You will be fine, I'm a single mum of 5 with no family, no car and a full time job. I don't just manage I have wonderful children. Believe in your ability. You're going to smash being a mum of two! Good luck! flowers

Mrsknackered Fri 03-Feb-17 21:20:41

Same as what Magic said. It is hard, and so daunting but you get there. Just try and remember that these early days are so precious and although you may just want to curl up in a ball and cry, one day you'll seriously miss them! (I remind myself of this every night at 2am,3am,4am and so on...)
It goes so quickly OP and you WILL come out the other side.
Did you CS first time round? I would give DH a serious lowdown on what is required from him when baby has arrived and tbh now too. This ranges from housework too picking baby up for you whilst your healing.
DP and I always gently remind each other that lack of sleep makes everything seem harder even though he gets a straight 8 hours so that when we are starting to get ratty or in my case, teary, you can blame it on sleep deprivation.
I also 'write off' my mornings. When I've had a particularly crappy night, I used to always mention my tiredness, now I don't. I pretend the night didn't happen. I get up with DS no matter how little sleep have a cup of tea and a banana and get changed/sometimes put make up on and it makes me feel so much more alive and I try not to dwell on the night before or the amount of hours I have had.
Is DS going to be at nursery at all when you have baby? I look forward to Tuesdays and Wednesday's so I can nap!!

AgedRelative Fri 03-Feb-17 22:51:08

I was you 6 years ago! Dc2 unplanned and at the time I really really didn't want him. But he was and is the best wee chap. I adore him. And I have this fantastic little team who will fight the bit out and then fight anyone who messes with their sibling. I'm not proud of myself as a parent. I could do so much better. But I am always proud of my tiny team. You will have hard days (reflux and potty training with a poo withholder, unforgettable) but I would not change the age gap for my pair.

judybloomno5 Fri 03-Feb-17 23:41:56

I'm almost 5 months in and I am surviving!!! my DD1 is 27 months and my DD2 is 5 months. I had a traumatic pregnancy with losing my Dad suddenly at 21 weeks and then decided to make it worse on myself by moving house when DD2 was 6 weeks old! Torture but moving was worth it.

Seriously if i can do it anyone can. Try to be as organised as you can, get toddlers stuff ready the night before, put out the breakfast things, keep a nursery place if you can, get a routine in place, make your life easy with amazon orders, buy lots of coffee and remember, it gets easier!!!

you CAN.

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