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AIBU?

To be suspicious that he's buying viagra in secret?

46 replies

Hellowyellow · 02/02/2017 20:30

Posted this in relationships but not getting much response so here goes...

Found out recently partner has been buying viagra in secret. Twice in the last three months. Confronted him and he says he's had trouble getting a 'full erection' sometimes and didn't tell me as he found it embarrassing. I've never noticed any problems in that department. He claims I wouldn't necessarily have noticed.

This doesn't make sense to me - if it was only occasional, how did he know when to take one? Would I have noticed if he'd taken it with me? Would he have found it difficult to come or wanted to do it more than once? Never noticed any of this happening.

Also, has anyone caught their partner buying viagra in secret when there hasn't been other signs of cheating? Obviously alarm bells are ringing. I found out at the same time he'd taken an std test (we've been together 4 years, he says he had a pain in his testicle and thought a full screening would be a good idea). He does have a history of cheating, unfortunately.

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user892 · 02/02/2017 20:37

Prostitutes, sorry x

BestZebbie · 02/02/2017 20:43

Yes, isn't this supposedly a common thing with men who don't actually really have problems in that area but want to be sure to "get their money's worth" if they pay for sex (as if being a prostitute with non-medicated men wasn't arduous enough!).

Hellowyellow · 02/02/2017 21:35

Damn, is it really obvious then? Am I basically being an idiot if I believe anything else?

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Crispbutty · 02/02/2017 21:37

Sorry but it doesn't look good.

The Viagara alone I would have been sympathetic to but with the additional facts and his history then sadly I can't see any other plausible excuse.

I'm sorry op.

Babycham1979 · 02/02/2017 21:40

Jesus, this place sometimes!

Give the guy the benefit of the doubt! It could well be the truth. Don't assume he's cheating or whoring solely based on this.

ImperialBlether · 02/02/2017 21:40

Sorry, but with his history and an STD test, what on earth did you think? If he'd done nothing, an STD test would have been the last thing he'd think of, surely?

MammyNeedsASpaDay · 02/02/2017 21:42

Is his history of cheating cheating on you?

Can you buy viagra? I thought it had to be prescribed.

Sorry it doesn't sound good.

Hellowyellow · 02/02/2017 21:44

Yeah, you'd think so. He claimed he had this pain and looked it up, and std was one of the possibilities, and for all he knows I could have been cheating (!) so he went for a full screen. Felt no need to mention it to me though. I do not have a history of cheating by the way.

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Hellowyellow · 02/02/2017 21:46

Babycham I'd really like to as really don't want to end the relationship (we have a young dd) but I thought the worst too, based on his history. Was hoping he'd changed but yes it doesn't look good.

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Hellowyellow · 02/02/2017 21:47

He used an online doctor service where you fill out a questionnaire and a doc prescribes the drugs.

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Crispbutty · 02/02/2017 21:47

Has he cheated on you or was that in previous relationships?

Crispbutty · 02/02/2017 21:48

Viagara is also very easy to buy "on the street".

Hellowyellow · 02/02/2017 21:50

He cheated on me and in previous relationships. I know he used the prescription service because that's how I found out, through his emails.

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LindyHemming · 02/02/2017 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crispbutty · 02/02/2017 21:54

He's a serial cheater then. He's not going to change. 4 years is really not a long time, and he's already shown he is a tosser.

If it were me he would be out the door. I know it's not that easy and it hurts but it's not going to get better.

You will always wonder what he's upto and sex will never be the same. I'm sorry but you deserve better.

user892 · 02/02/2017 21:56

So he's a serial cheater, effectively accused you of cheating on him to deflect from the reason he went for an sti screening, and claims to be taking viagra somehow 'psychically' when you have sex...

Aside from knowing what exactly the hell he's been up to - he'd be out the door.

Hellowyellow · 02/02/2017 22:05

Okay, I hear what you're all saying, but how do I kick him out if he continues to deny he's done anything wrong? We have a shared house and a young child. Will I be in a stronger position in any way if I can get more evidence?

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quarkinstockcubes · 02/02/2017 22:11

The way he tried to deflect possible cheating onto you is a classic sign of cheating which only adds to the already mounting evidence. Sorry OP

esk1mo · 02/02/2017 22:15

you could check his credit card statement for anything else weird, or maybe his phone apps/contacts for anything strange. he might be using escorts rather than prostitutes. but i think you have all the evidence you need to be honest, especially with his history.

gottachangethename1 · 02/02/2017 22:22

How difficult for you op. Are you considering having tests for sti yourself?

user892 · 02/02/2017 22:27

Is he your partner or husband? Is your home rented or owned? Who's name(s) is / are on the tenancy / house deeds?

Hellowyellow · 02/02/2017 23:16

It's awful. It's going to take a while to come to terms with it all - I think I'm still a bit in denial at the moment.

We're not married. Own the house as joint tenants (I think - we have a 50/50 share each). We each put money in a joint account every month but he puts in more than I do - he works full time, I do 3 days/week. Dd is in childcare when I'm at work but otherwise I do most of looking after her as he works shifts.

I definitely need an sti check.

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MammyNeedsASpaDay · 03/02/2017 01:35

So he got diagnosed with an std then?

BitOutOfPractice · 03/02/2017 02:22

It doesn't look good does it?

LouisevilleLlama · 03/02/2017 02:31

It doesn't look good but benefit of the doubt I think his story somewhat checks out if he had genital pain, if he did indeed suspect maybe you cheated he wouldn't just tell you and afterwards when he (presumably) found out he was clean he wouldn't say " oh I thought you cheated got an std check and your in the clear! Yay!" But if it was continuous pain I'd expect him to go to the doctor.

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