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To end all contact with what was once a lovely work colleague?

(171 Posts)
smarties1991 Thu 02-Feb-17 15:56:31

He was lovely when I worked with him. Very kind and always willing to help me out. We worked together for 8 months and although we never got to the point where we met up outside of work, I think this had more to do with the fact we only worked together for 8 months and had we worked together longer probably would have become friends outside of work too. We had a great time working together and he was only ever a perfect gentleman and kind.

It was his leaving do two weeks ago and he was horrid to me. When I arrived he looked at me, looked at the floor and away. And never made eye contact again. He made rude remarks about my dress, I burnt my hand on my soup and he wouldn't even pass me his napkin for me to wipe it off. He invited two of his friends along and once they arrived he turned his back on me and spoke to them only and shut me out of the conversation. When we were walking to the venue everyone was chatting and we were in front and he just walked ahead rather than do the normal thing and walk/chat with me. This left me awkwardly trailing behind.

It was only when I left to get my last train home that he stopped me and said he needed to get my new number as he had been told I had a new one. I really wish I'd declined giving him my number but didn't want to make a scene in front of everyone.

Two weeks later he is now texting me asking how I am getting on and if I've had any interviews.

I don't think I can stay in contact with him after his 'performance' on his leaving do. He was so rude and I genuinely don't think he was blanking me because of something I had done as I have never gossiped about him, never done anything that could possibly be taken the wrong way by him and the fact he got my number at the end shows he wasn't annoyed with me.

However, I feel bad ending contact over his behaviour at the leaving do which lasted 3 hours as opposed to his behaviour 5 days a week for 8 months.

But, I just can't see past how rude he was to me that evening.

AIBU to just cut contact?

sandgrown Thu 02-Feb-17 16:02:19

I think he.more than likes you and wants to take it further but just has an odd way of expressing himself!

livefornaps Thu 02-Feb-17 16:02:38


smarties1991 Thu 02-Feb-17 16:05:52

He doesn't fancy me. He's never asked me on a date.

user1483981877 Thu 02-Feb-17 16:08:46

He luuuuuurves you!!!!!! And the fact that you are so hurt by that behaviour might suggest perhaps it is ever so slightly mutual?

Out2pasture Thu 02-Feb-17 16:08:57

You will need to discuss his behaviour with him. You could go nc, but you will wonder why forever.

livefornaps Thu 02-Feb-17 16:09:26

Because he's so nervous he can't even look you in the eye! My bet is that he didn't want to say anything while you worked together and, when the leaving do came around, he sensed that now all professional obligations were lifted and then he didn't know how to handle it.

Do you fancy him???

SomethingBorrowed Thu 02-Feb-17 16:10:16

I don't think he fancies you...
I would ask an explanation by text for my own peace of mind, and then stop contacting him/decline any invite

livefornaps Thu 02-Feb-17 16:10:31

Lol @user I totally agree! He luuuuuuuuurves yoooouuu! Great goss.

TenThousandSpoons Thu 02-Feb-17 16:11:00

Yanbu. Just don't respond to his texts. Unless he apologises for his behaviour that night, I think it's best to cut contact.

livefornaps Thu 02-Feb-17 16:11:36

Oh come on @somethingborrowed, where's your sense of romance? Love is in the aiiiir!

smarties1991 Thu 02-Feb-17 16:13:35

I really like him as a friend. Don't think there's a sexual chemistry there from my side. Really liked him as a person though.

But I just feel he was so rude to me on the leaving do. There's no excuse for that.

SumThucker Thu 02-Feb-17 16:14:39

What utterly bizarre behaviour from a grown man confused

welovepancakes Thu 02-Feb-17 16:14:44

Did other people think that he was rude? Some of his behaviour could be rude, or perhaps you were oversensitive eg he walks ahead of you and you think he's blanking you

languagelearner Thu 02-Feb-17 16:15:10

Smarties wrote: "He doesn't fancy me. He's never asked me on a date."

Just you wait and see.... grin

welovepancakes Thu 02-Feb-17 16:15:11

I mean other people on the night out - did they think he was rude?

livefornaps Thu 02-Feb-17 16:15:34

What did he say about your dress? I'm wondering if there was some "negging" afoot

Rhubardandcustard Thu 02-Feb-17 16:15:53

Do you want to stay in touch? If so you'll have to call and ask him about his behaviour that night, that way you'll know for sure whether to stay in contact or not going forward.

ImperialBlether Thu 02-Feb-17 16:16:12

I have a horrible feeling he fancies you, too. He sounds really immature, like a boy who says "You smell" to a girl he fancies. If he'd just been horrible I wouldn't think he fancied you, but then he asked for your phone number, which changes things.

I would certainly tackle him about his behaviour - in fact I'd make him wish he'd never asked for that number!

ShowMePotatoSalad Thu 02-Feb-17 16:16:21

So he scowls at her, looks at her like she's filth and that means he fancies her?

If that's the case then he's a pig so yeah, never talk to him again.

SurlyValentine Thu 02-Feb-17 16:17:54

He's done the adult equivalent of pulling your hair or tripping you up in the playground.

He totally fancies you, but it wouldn't have been professional to ask you out while you worked together. Why else would he have asked for your number?

SenseiWoo Thu 02-Feb-17 16:18:19

I'm surprised you haven't asked him already why he was so awful. Ring him up. Be calm, be direct. After that you can decide whether you want to bother with him any more.

livefornaps Thu 02-Feb-17 16:18:19

I think I missed the bit where he was scowling and looking at her like a piece of filth...certainly he struggled to maintain eye contact which to me screams nerves

JustHereForThePooStories Thu 02-Feb-17 16:18:30

I hate this shit of "oooh, a boy shows he likes you by being mean to you" that young girls have to endure.

Fuck that, if you like someone, be nice to them.

DameDeDoubtance Thu 02-Feb-17 16:18:43

No excuse at all, if he does like you he has made an ass about showing you. I hate it when little boys thump girls and apparently it's their way of showing girls they like them, bollocks to that. Just read about negging. He's rude, don't answer his texts or just ask him why is he was so out of order.

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