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AIBU?

AIBU to think there's more to it?

19 replies

coulditbeforever · 01/02/2017 23:35

I always chat to the same group of mums on a school morning and two of the mornings another mum joins us as she works part time, every morning seems fine except these other two mornings, it can have an awkward feel to it. I'm always polite to all the group, but sometimes this other mum won't even say,'morning' back. Her youngest child has now started saying unkind things to my child. I did ask if there was anything wrong, but she said not. She stopped speaking to me last year for a short while and I have no idea why. I just don't get this moodiness with her. AIBU to think she's just plain rude?

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Crowdblundering · 01/02/2017 23:38

Just ask her "have I offended you?".

WorraLiberty · 01/02/2017 23:39

She might just be plain rude, or as you say, there could be more to it.

I don't think anyone here can answer that really, especially if she's not willing to say or feels she can't say.

Perhaps your child has been unkind to hers too and she feels saying something would be 'confrontational'?

I suppose all you can do is wonder about it. Not much help, I know

Foxysoxy01 · 01/02/2017 23:40

Can you ask one of the other mums? Maybe word it like, have I done anything to upset ignorant mum, so it doesn't sound like you are trying to lead other mum into bitching about ignorant mum.

IMissGrannyW · 01/02/2017 23:40

Or immature?

Or doesn't do mornings?

call it, like Crowd suggested.. 'is everything ok?' 'have I upset you?' 'is there anything you want to say to me?''

IMissGrannyW · 01/02/2017 23:41

Or the more assertive "you don't seem very happy with me? Why is that?"

coulditbeforever · 01/02/2017 23:51

I did ask one of the other mothers last week and she told me that I hadn't done anything wrong. Thing is it will be fine for a short time and then there's an atmosphere again. Can't wait for my youngest to start secondary, I won't have to do the school gates anymore!

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Shelvesoutofbooks · 01/02/2017 23:53

Maybe she doesn't actually care about you much at all and you're being too sensitive? Just a thought, not everyone has to always say morning to you all the time, you should just accept some people don't actually give a hoots

coulditbeforever · 01/02/2017 23:56

Crowd, I think if I did ask her, I doubt she would say there was anything wrong, she'd deny it, be friendly for a short while and it would be like ground hog day!

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Userone1 · 01/02/2017 23:58

Is it just you she ignores? Or just moody sometimes generally?

coulditbeforever · 01/02/2017 23:58

Shelves, she hates rude people.

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coulditbeforever · 02/02/2017 00:00

No there's one other she doesn't care much for and she's made this clear behind the other parents back

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Crowdblundering · 02/02/2017 00:02

By the sounds of it you should take it as a compliment she doesn't bother with you, be relieved and don't bother with her either.

EveOnline2016 · 02/02/2017 00:03

What kind of conversation do you have at the school gate.

It annoys me when other parents say they could never work and they couldn't trust anyone with their dc.

jobanana · 02/02/2017 00:05

There's never 'nothing to it'. Well, in the sense that if she isn't talking to you, then for sure it's intentional and she's got a problem with you. Having said that, she might not be fair in having a problem with you - probably absolutely isn't, as it sounds like you've done nothing!!

Common reasons for one or more mums to start giving you the cold shoulder are:

You said something to another mum or mums who you thought were friends and on your side - maybe you made a joke, maybe you had a bit too much coffee that morning and not enough food and you made a few exaggerated comments that possibly you didn't even really mean, but whatever you said, one or more of those 'friend' mums lit upon it, seized it and reported it to one or more others outside the coffee table. It then got blown up somehow into you're a cow/you hate someone/you have wrong views/you're a ... bad mum.

Sometimes just a general small bit of gossip about you - from nothing so much as where you parked your car, or that you were wearing flipflops at the gate when it was quite cold in early September - can be enough to make the more shallow and image-conscious, ambitious mums reject you.

They literally drop you like a leper, because you become untouchable ...

Or your child inadvertently said something to her child that was reported at home and taken as bad in some way - that will also do it, and also most likely is unfair.

Or she's after your husband and trying to turn others against you (trust me, this reason also manifests itself - it does exist).

Or one time she saw you but you didn't see her as you were driving/busy/hadn't got your lenses in - some mothers react v badly to this, and have no perspective.

Or she texted you and you didn't reply, or didn't reply promptly enough or with the right answer. Maybe even her text didn't send and you never got it, but you're still in the wrong ...

Or your kid won something or was better than her kid or was praised above hers in something and she and/or the kid were upset. Could even be your kid is, eg, a reading level higher than hers. (or, God forbid, yours is on CHAPTER books before hers!!!!).

Or, of course, maybe her husband said you seem nice. OMG. You will be dropped like a hot coal.

Finally, if you are a threat in any way at all to her (mostly in ways you'd be totally oblivious to), then, if she's that type, she will just block you.

All the above are common reasons. Depressing, I know : )

But don't take it personally! Fcck her if she's being mean for no reason. And won't explain to you. Stop being nice to her. Breeze past. Don't worry. Soon you'll be in a different school. This gate nonsense doesn't last forever.

coulditbeforever · 02/02/2017 00:08

Just general chat really, weather, news, I'm just trying to think of the conversations, Trump came into conversation last week, kids.

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Userone1 · 02/02/2017 00:09

I wouldn't bother trying to work out what's wrong, it's really not that important.

You are not friends, just passing the time of day for 5 minutes.

coulditbeforever · 02/02/2017 00:15

Jobanana, yeah why are people like this, I'm quite a happy go lucky person, will chat to anyone, say morning to most ppl I see.
User1, you're probably right, but she does include me in texts re her sons progress at certain sports, achievements etc.

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coulditbeforever · 02/02/2017 00:19

Yes I suppose I will just put up with it, the other women in the group are lovely though, they are always the same, friendly & chatty.

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BorrowedHeart · 02/02/2017 13:03

Not everyone starts their morning great and could be in a mood or depressed, not sure why there is such a need to say good morning every day, sometimes I like to get on with things with no interaction. Maybe just maybe you are too full on and she just can't be arsed all the time. Haven't read the full thread.

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