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MIL didn't get me a birthday present

(89 Posts)
Hairsprayinthesink Wed 01-Feb-17 15:12:46

Name change, because of the nature.

MIL didn't get me a birthday present. It shouldn't matter, I know this. Nobody has to buy anyone a birthday present obviously. But I'm still quite hurt. In the 5 years I've been with DH she's never missed a birthday and I've never missed hers or FIL's. My own DM bought DH a quite expensive and thoughtful gift for his birthday recently. I know that shouldn't matter and I'm being extremely grabby and entitled but I can't help but feel slightly overlooked and rejected.

I tried to gently mention it to DH and it became an opportunity for him to have a go at me. This included, she does all sorts for me, she's spent up after Christmas (but has been out for expensive meals at least once a week since), at least she isn't as annoying as my own mum. I didn't think my own mum was that annoying really. But I feel like she's just sending yet another message that she still doesn't like me. There's some back story to it that makes me think she's never liked me.

I don't know what else to say, could do with a couple more opinions. Aibu?

xStefx Wed 01-Feb-17 15:16:50

fuck her, pretend you didn't notice and tell her what fab gifts you had off your own DM. That's crap. Next present you get her make sure its a regift,

NavyandWhite Wed 01-Feb-17 15:18:49

You're on form today Stef I'll give you that.

OP could there be a genuine reason why she didn't get you a present? Meh. As a nearly 50 year old woman I can't get upset about non presents tbh.

Hairsprayinthesink Wed 01-Feb-17 15:21:43

I'm early-mid twenties blush

I know this shouldn't matter.

NavyandWhite Wed 01-Feb-17 15:23:46

She's never missed your birthday before. What's happened recently that might make her not get you a present?

GeordieShorefg Wed 01-Feb-17 15:26:11

I hate this kind of passive aggressive behavior.

I know someone whose OWN MOTHER stopped sending them a birthday card

The cause of this? Because the daughter wouldn't be facebook friends with the mother

Trollspoopglitter Wed 01-Feb-17 15:26:45

What?! "at least she isn't as annoying as my own mum."

Your husband managed to insult your mother after receiving an expensive gift from her?

I'd be telling him since he's made his true feelings known, he should return the gift.

TheCatsMother99 Wed 01-Feb-17 15:28:17

Exactly what Stef said.

Fuck her and give her something seriously shit for her birthday.

TheCatsMother99 Wed 01-Feb-17 15:28:59

Oh. And also get your DH a shit present (or no present) for his!

Ilovecaindingle Wed 01-Feb-17 15:29:18

You aren't being grabby. . Imagine if you didn't buy her one. . Maybe try that. . Or leave it to your dh to get her one from now on. .

xStefx Wed 01-Feb-17 15:29:35

NavyandWhite

OOps Sorry, it must be the mood I woke up in. Im usually a lot less aggressive. I take it you have seen my comments on other threads... Sorry if I offended :-(

user1467976192 Wed 01-Feb-17 15:30:49

Last year none of my boyfriends family acknowledged my birthday, not his mum, kids or any other family, however his grandma kicked up a fuss when I didn't wish her a happy birthday

Finola1step Wed 01-Feb-17 15:31:32

Take a step back. Is there the possibility that your MIL is dealing with something in her life right now?

When ds was born, MIL wasn't quite as engaged as i thought she would be. We then found out a few weeks later that she needed to start treatment for breast cancer. She kept it from us so that we wouldn't worry in those first precious weeks.

Sometimes, people have things on their plate. That's all.

MadMags Wed 01-Feb-17 15:31:39

There are two issues here: your MIL being PA (unless it's possible she's forgotten?) and your DH being an absolute wanker.

Personally, I'd be more concerned with the latter. But that's just me.

NerrSnerr Wed 01-Feb-17 15:31:57

What about FIL? Surely the gift should have been from both of them?

NavyandWhite Wed 01-Feb-17 15:32:20

Yes you are usually very pleasant Stef smile

Everyone else - there is a back story to this remember so those saying fuck her might want to think about that.

MadMags Wed 01-Feb-17 15:32:42

Oh, and if you want to be equally PA and completely immature, send her a text saying "thank you so much for the lovely birthday gift" then wait a couple of minutes and send "oops, sorry. Wrong person." grin

Hairsprayinthesink Wed 01-Feb-17 15:33:34

All I can think of that has 'happened' is that we moved from the town PILs live in to the town my DM lives in. Perhaps that offends her. I also suspect she dislikes that DH works whilst I'm a SAHM. Think I'll leave her present for DH to sort then, her birthday is a couple of weeks away.

tessiebear4 Wed 01-Feb-17 15:35:42

Mine has literally never sent me a birthday card or got me a present. In ten years!

MadMags Wed 01-Feb-17 15:35:44

Namechange fail!

But, yes, let your dh sort out his mum's and you'll sort out your "annoying" mum's.

And while you're at it, ask him how he's enjoying his gift from your "annoying" mother.

xStefx Wed 01-Feb-17 15:36:07

Thanks NavyandWhite :-)
I would be interested in hearing the backstory OP? scene as I like others assumed the MIL was just being nasty.

MadMags Wed 01-Feb-17 15:36:15

How odd. Your name changed back after I posted! confused

Hairsprayinthesink Wed 01-Feb-17 15:36:42

Yes I should should have mentioned FIL too, usually the gift buying is left up to MIL however so it's her who I lve taken issue with.

Rivera36 Wed 01-Feb-17 15:37:47

As others have said, she may have something going on in the background you are unaware of, what would concern me is your husbands reaction. He took it as an opportunity to lay a load on you about your family? Who does that? Doesnt that strike you as odd?

Hairsprayinthesink Wed 01-Feb-17 15:40:52

mad I reported the post as soon as I'd posted it and mnhq were extremely obliging and changed it for me right away!

Backstory is just that she's never really wanted to let go of DH. She couldn't talk to me at all on my wedding day. Rearranged the whole house whilst we were on honeymoon (DH said we were 'a bit upset' by this when I was actually raging), she also upset me after ds' birth, as I'd had a tear and DH told her and she said, 'well I never tore, I don't understand that, why would that happen, that shouldn't happen' and DH told me all this and it made me feel like I'd done something horribly wrong.

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