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Early bird - AIBU

(78 Posts)
Toast3 Wed 01-Feb-17 07:56:12

Really cant work if I'm just being a grumpy bastard or whether my colleague is being unreasonable?!
Twice a week, I work in the same office as someone who lives fairly close to me ( ten minutes in the other direction). I leave home at 7am and it takes about 40 minutes to drive to work..
My colleague asked me if, on these 2 days, I would give her a lift..I have to admit I was a bit downbeat about it as I'm a grumpy bag first thing and use the commute time to clear my head, listen to the radio etc...anyway, I didn't feel I could say no, so agreed to it (half heartedly).

The plan was that she would arrive at 7am and we would leave together... she keeps turning up really early! She arrived, yesterday at 6.33am so ended up sitting in the lounge waiting for me to finish getting ready etc...it's an absolute pain in the arse as every minute is so precious in the morning! It's really winding me up!

I told her last week that I'd prefer it of she just arrived at 7am as agreed - as me and my OH aren't often ready before then...

If she arrives early again tomorrow, im going to have to tell her it isn't working out...she commented yesterday ....oh I'm always early for everything ...it's driving me mad....suggestions please..

Catsize Wed 01-Feb-17 08:02:24

Tell her to isn't working. Simples. You've already warned her.

Catsize Wed 01-Feb-17 08:03:17

Was she asways 30mins early for work previously?

KellyBoo800 Wed 01-Feb-17 08:05:20

YANBU. Tell her you're not comfortable having her waiting around in your house whilst you're getting ready and that if she insists on being so early, can she wait outside?

Although better off just telling her not to come at all, I'm with you - I need my quiet time first thing in the morning and couldn't deal with having to do what you're doing!

Trifleorbust Wed 01-Feb-17 08:06:05

Oh dear god, no.

harderandharder2breathe Wed 01-Feb-17 08:07:37

Tell her to wait outside until 7 then.

You can't turn up half an hour early at that time in the morning!

user1483387154 Wed 01-Feb-17 08:08:40

You were right to tell her not to come early. I also agree that if she does it again then you should say it is not working out so she will need to make her own way to work from now on.

enfru Wed 01-Feb-17 08:08:53

Yep I'd be telling her to wait outside- she'd soon either stop showing up so early or stop asking for a lift.
It's one thing to be early for everything but half an hour early when it means arriving at 6:30am is taking it too far!

AllTheBabies Wed 01-Feb-17 08:09:29

I can see why that would be massively irritating! I'd actually find it quite intrusive. At that time of day you could still be in the shower/in a state of undress etc.

user1471521456 Wed 01-Feb-17 08:10:51

Unlock the car for her and let her sit in there until you're ready. If it's icy, maybe she could scrape the windows for you while she waits.

Toast3 Wed 01-Feb-17 08:11:25

She walks to my house so waiting outside in the rain isn't great...(but I guess, it's her choice if she arrives so early) she gets the bus on the other days or sometimes or husband takes her..

I'm going to ring her tonight and tell her to definitely not come before 7am - why does she not see it's not reasonable to even turn up 5 mins early!!

wettunwindee Wed 01-Feb-17 08:12:50

Leave her outside until 7. She'll take the not-so-subtle hint.

Mistyshallow Wed 01-Feb-17 08:15:32

She is obviously very grateful for the lift and thinks by arriving early she won't be putting you out and she has 30 mins to make sure this doesn't happen. If you don't want her to wait in your house then tell her to arrive at 7. Or start shouting from an upstairs window - won't be a minute etc.

harderandharder2breathe Wed 01-Feb-17 08:17:06

Tell her you won't be letting her in until 7, as you're all busy getting ready. She can stand outside. It's her choice for being so early. If that's too mea then let her sit in your car but don't put the heat on or anything

Kirstyinnorway Wed 01-Feb-17 08:20:37

Oh Lordy, I have no advice but I wouldn't have wanted to say yes to the lift either, although I have no idea what I'd have said to politely refuse. I actually really feel for you - I'm not a morning bird (my DH says I'm more like a permanently exhausted pigeon).

Toast3 Wed 01-Feb-17 08:22:05

Thanks for the replies...I pretty much knew that IWBU but it's nice to have confirmation...
I will contact her tonight to reinforce that I want her to arrive at 7am (I actually opened the door with a towel around me yesterday as I'd just got out of the shower) so, I'll say, I definitely think don't want a repeat of that. She will either have to accept it or make other plans!
I've only been doing it since just after Christmas and it's driving me mad already! I miss my quiet time!

fatowl Wed 01-Feb-17 08:32:38

I'm with you on wanting the quiet time, I listen to my Audible books.

But like you I'd feel terribly awkward saying no. I'd think of an excuse why not. Say you are going to the gym before work?

livefornaps Wed 01-Feb-17 08:33:23

Oh my days. Sympathy. I actually can't think straight in the morning and need an hour just to get my head in gear. I would find a ringing doorbell to be an aggressive act before 7am! I would hate to share a car with a colleague at that time of the morning. The proximity would really grate on me and I would struggle with conversation. I even hate accidentally running into colleagues on public transport, in the morning or evening. It's something about the forced proximity that makes me want to run away. Although, unbelievably, I am quite an extrovert the rest of the time & do enjoy even hanging out with colleagues when it's arranged at a good time. But that lift scheme you have going sounds like hell in the morning.

TwoTwentyGowerRoad Wed 01-Feb-17 08:36:03

My commute to and from work is the only time I get alone in the whole of my life. To forfeit that would half kill me. YANBU.

Stopandlook Wed 01-Feb-17 08:37:05

I guess the lift share is good for the planet, but arriving that early angry!! Glad you've put your foot down - I would too (unless it was a good friend)

7SunshineSeven7 Wed 01-Feb-17 08:42:47

YANBU This would piss me right off!

You are well within your rights to tell her its not working out if she turns up that early again. I understand 5 mins (I like to be 5 mins early for everything) but I would just wait outside! If she turns up five minutes early just say ''Almost ready'' and shut the door for her to wait out there.

CaoNiMa Wed 01-Feb-17 08:47:38

IMHO, being excessively early is just as rude as being excessively late. It's the same burden on your own time.

Floggingmolly Wed 01-Feb-17 08:49:24

I wouldn't open the door before 7. She probably wouldn't do it again after 30 minutes on the doorstep. Would it be out of your way to collect her on the way?

TheChosen1 Wed 01-Feb-17 08:50:42

I would be honest...but exaggerate a tad and tell her I had a lot on my mind and just having that little bit of headspace helps to prepare for the day. Hate when people put you on the spot for lifts. If you're not offered that take it that you're not welcome!

AnnieAnoniMouse Wed 01-Feb-17 08:50:43

She's a grown woman who can go by bus or have her DH take her, just say you're sorry, but it's not working for you.

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