So DH and I had a row this evening. Got pretty intense with me losing it and actually shouting at him before walking away and not speaking to him since. We have now retreated to our corners to sulk.
The row brought up two things that I think are reasonable that he doesn't. He is currently signed off work as he has done something to his leg which means he can't walk, but he gets around the house with his boot from the hospital. He is also getting pain in his hand from an old injury that has flared up as a result of his accident. I get he is in some pain and taking pain killers.
Background - I am a teacher and work full time. We have 2 young children (5 and 1) and a dog. He is employed full time and does 11.5 hour, 4 on, 4 off night shifts.
Issue 1
Since he has been signed off work (nearly 2 weeks ago), he hasn't done all that much. Week 1, I did everything in the house, for the kids and walked the dog. He sat on his arse playing on the computer or watching TV. Fine, he was in pain. After the week passed, my patience ran out (coinsidently exactly at the point he told me he was too busy to take over settling the 1 year old because he was playing with his online friends, after I'd tried to settle him for an hour). The last 2 days he has been at home alone while I was at work (1 yo with childminder), he has done nothing in the house with the exception of make dinner for when I arrive back with the kids. I told him this evening that it was too much to expect me to do all this and I was exhausted. He told me that he had cleaned the kitchen and made dinner (In 9 hours! We had burger and chips btw) and asked me what I expected. I suggested sorting the laundry into who they belonged to and putting his own away or tidying the bedroom. He then started ranting about how hard it is when he is working, which leads to issue 2.
Issue 2
DH thinks it is unreasonable to expect him to do an 11.5 hour night shift, come home, wait at home for 30 minutes, walk the dog and children to school. Drop off the children (Childminder meets DH at school) and then come home to tidy the kitchen before going to bed. He also said "and other stuff" but couldn't elaborate on this.
He thinks he should have to do less as I "don't understand nights". I pointed out that nights was in fact his choice (that he made without consulting me) and pointed out that I get the kids up and dressed (including packed lunch), go to work, collect the kids on the way home, make dinner, put the kids to bed, tidy the living room then start my planning and marking before going to bed. I suggested we were pretty equal, he disagrees.
So AIBU to expect him to do a little bit more while he is off sick at home? (To be fair to him, he did settle DS last night after I made it perfectly clear that putting his internet friends as a priority was not ok, so I am not talking parenting, but housework}
and
AIBU to expect him to maintain our previous routine when he returns to work? Am I actually asking more of him than I am doing myself? Is nights that much harder than what I do despite the fact he spends at least 2 hours a day on a work day playing computer games as where I spend a maximum of 1 hour a day on MN (usually when my brain has died and I can't do any more!)
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
To expect so much?
26 replies
kittymamma · 31/01/2017 23:09
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.