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To have hung up on DH

(25 Posts)
Dontfencemein Tue 31-Jan-17 22:32:26

DH is working away for a week. He left on Sat. DS2 (11 months) has been vomiting since Saturday night. I took him to GP today. He has an ear infection and probably a stomach bug. DS1 (3) has been vomiting all day. I am due back at work from maternity leave tomorrow and have had to call in and say I won't be there. I haven't slept much since Sat as DS2 wants to be held all night bless him. I will probably be vomiting myself tomorrow anyway.

I texted a brief update to DH and he then phoned (it's morning where he is). He kept asking how are the children in themselves, to which I had to say that they are sick and a bit miserable. He then randomly said "and I suppose you'll be wanting to take them swimming". Swimming? I didn't mention swimming. Why would I even think of taking either of them swimming when they are sick. I put the phone down before I said something I really regretted. Not very grown up I know but I took it as yet another inference that I wouldn't put their needs first. How would you have read that comment?

SparklyLeprechaun Tue 31-Jan-17 22:35:21

I would have read it as he hadn't been listening to a word you said.

Foxysoxy01 Tue 31-Jan-17 22:36:07

I probably would have asked him why would I have thought about taking them swimming when they have projectile vomit in a very confused way confused

DJBaggySmalls Tue 31-Jan-17 22:36:25

Are you an actual mermaid? If not, it was...weird.

ExitPursuedBySpartacus Tue 31-Jan-17 22:36:26

Hanging up is good.

GeekyWombat Tue 31-Jan-17 22:37:36

Did he try and ring back?

TresDesolee Tue 31-Jan-17 22:37:37

Yeah, that's a bit infuriating. Is he often stupid in the mornings?

Hope everyone gets better and you manage to get back to work soon!

Only1scoop Tue 31-Jan-17 22:39:46

I'd have probably done the same tbh

Rainydayspending Tue 31-Jan-17 22:40:44

I'd probably take from the question that h wasn't properly listening, perhaps showing an interest but not giving the call his attention. Did you respond before hanging up?
But you say an inference that you put your needs first. That sounds like there's a big back story there. Has he said this directly? Do you suffer with guilt?
My ex did a whole big pile of the infering shite so perhaps I am latching onto it.
Have you yet talked about the hanging up with him. What did he make of it?

RJnomore1 Tue 31-Jan-17 22:41:43

Was he drunk?😕

gamerchick Tue 31-Jan-17 22:43:40

Yeah he wasn't listening to you, paying lip service type of thing.

Hanging up was the least damaging option considering what you've had to put up with alone. flowers

foxyloxy78 Tue 31-Jan-17 22:46:54

confused hanging up is good. How weird...

RaisinsAndApple Tue 31-Jan-17 22:50:25

Hanging up infinitely better than having a row. Hopefully it will give him cause to think and won't make him feel like the aggrieved party. Sit down talk needed when he returns clearly. It sounds a very passive aggressive thing to say and also very odd if you've never taken them swimming when they've been unwell before (which I presume you haven't)

Muddlewitch Tue 31-Jan-17 22:55:16

Very odd and I would have hung up too. Agree with PPs that it sounds like he wasn't really listening.

Hope you manage to avoid the bug and the DC are feeling better soon, you must be absolutely exhausted. cakebrew

PyongyangKipperbang Tue 31-Jan-17 23:10:10

I smell someone who doesnt want you to go back to work because it impacts him and would prefer you to stay at home with the kids. At least thats what I am getting from what you said about infering that you put yourself before whats best for the kids.

kittymamma Tue 31-Jan-17 23:17:02

I'm not one to hang up on people myself. I often feel tempted though. My version of hanging up is "I'm busy, gotta go, bye" then putting the phone down. I would have probably done that in your position... So YANBU

HeddaGarbled Tue 31-Jan-17 23:22:06

I'd have read it as accusatory and unsupportive and admire your restraint in merely putting the phone down rather than screaming at him flowers

glitterazi Wed 01-Feb-17 01:50:52

Why would he have thought they could be taken to swimming? Did they have swimming lessons scheduled for today?
Do you have a habit of taking them to places when they're poorly? confused
Feel there's a massive back story missing here.

Topseyt Wed 01-Feb-17 02:04:46

I don't understand why he would have said that! It makes no sense as you had just clearly explained how poorly they were.

Does he always talk in riddles? Never listens to what you tell him.

KittyWindbag Wed 01-Feb-17 03:47:36

I don't blame you at all, he's not there, mopping up vomit through the night and worrying about what work will think of him for not showing up. I hang up on my DH when he's not really listening to me properly. I know it's childish but I'm only gonna have a conversation where both parties are actually present and saying helpful things.

MrsBlennerhassett Wed 01-Feb-17 03:52:59

Idve hung up too. Better than having a long distance row!!
Just ask him what he meant by it when he gets back. Perhaps he was very tired and not really listening to what you were saying. Not that that is good but its less of an insult. I dont think you were being unreasonable to be angry at all.
Hope your all feeling better soon flowers

Sprinklestar Wed 01-Feb-17 04:17:32

I think it was pretty off of him to be away with work the first week you're due back in yourself. That's the action of a selfish man, right there.

AllTheLight Wed 01-Feb-17 04:49:28

It was a weird thing to say, for sure.

Hanging up was understandable, especially when you are stressed and sleep deprived, but possibly it would have been more effective to say 'why would I take them swimming when they're both vomiting?' and make him explain himself. By hanging up you give him the moral high ground.

Hope they are better soon OP flowers

Dontfencemein Wed 01-Feb-17 09:25:16

There is a back story of course but that would be for the relationships page. And no, I have never taken the boys swimming or anywhere else when they are ill, for their own sakes as well as to avoid passing things on.

DH says he said it because he's upset that he can't help us. Unfortunately he is the sort of person who struggles to deal with things going wrong and he tends to lash out at the nearest target.
Hard work and not something to be suffered gladly by me right now.

Agree that I give him the moral high ground by reacting emotionally. I think it's what he actually wants (it takes the focus off his own bad feelings). I fall for it every time!

MoonGeek Wed 01-Feb-17 09:26:04

I would have hung up too
Also agree with sprinklestar, this is not a week for him to go away

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