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Big fat dirty liars

(63 Posts)
jcne Tue 31-Jan-17 15:57:23

Please discuss, for and against, all are welcome, the (not to load the question but...) the bastard fuckwittery claim of:

"I wasn't lying, you just didn't ask"

OnceUponATimeInAVest Tue 31-Jan-17 16:00:06

Expected from an estate agent.

Pathetic from someone who's meant to care about you.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter Tue 31-Jan-17 16:03:07

Depends who said it and what it is about

A partner that's been shagging someone that says it- Not Right

Buying a new car, well if you didn't ask the question about whatever the problem is technically it's not a lie

PebbleInTheMoonlight Tue 31-Jan-17 16:10:39

DH: Why did you lie about getting another handbag

Me: I didn't lie you didn't ask

Perfectly acceptable (also works in reverse for him buying copious amounts of Haribo)

DH: Why did you lie about sleeping with Tom Hardy?

Me: yeh right! I didn't lie, you didn't ask

Clearly unacceptable. Some omissions of truth aren't a big deal, others are life changing.

The devil is in the detail as they say.

OnceUponATimeInAVest Tue 31-Jan-17 16:12:05

Excellent point about the acceptability of handbags, Pebble.

jcne Tue 31-Jan-17 16:24:44

I could give more detail but everyone would say


And, lmao, bless my heart, I would if I could.

HecateAntaia Tue 31-Jan-17 16:38:21

Remove the word lying.
Because this is where they'll try to focus the conversation. To 'win'. To claim well, you didn't ask, i would have told you if you'd ask.

Talk instead about information any reasonable person would know you have the right to have. Information a reasonable person would know should be volunteered.

So ok, fair enough. Dont want to call it a lie? That's fine. But it was information that anyone would have known should be shared and choosing to not disclose - to either hide, disguise or simply not raise - is unacceptable.

For example. Huge debt. You don't do the family finances. But they know the bailiffs are on the way. You don't turn to them one day and say hey, i was wondering, do we have bailiffs on the way?

So when the bailiffs knock and you say what the FUCK??

They say i didnt lie. You never asked.

But it was information that any reasonable person would have known you had a right to have.

They shag someone on a night out.

They come home and you say hi love, have a nice time?
They say yes.
Six months later you find out you've got chlamydia.
What the FUCK?! you yell.
I didnt lie, they say. You never asked.

Ok. So you didnt say hey love, good night? Fuck anyone?

But it was information that any reasonable person would know you had the right to have

That's the way to argue it out with dickheads who try to pull the 'i didnt lie, you never asked' bullshit.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Tue 31-Jan-17 16:42:30

hecate your examples are brilliant.
Can you provide an "innocent" example?

jcne Tue 31-Jan-17 16:45:32

Hecate you sound like a hot lawyer πŸ€“

MissVictoria Tue 31-Jan-17 16:46:21

Letting you believe something they know isn't true, is lying by omission.
So not telling you they cheated for example, is "lying" to you because they know you expect and trust them to be faithful. They know they haven't been faithful, you don't have to ask "have you ever cheated on me?" and them say "No" for it to be a lie.

DJBaggySmalls Tue 31-Jan-17 16:48:04

Hecate star

jcne Isn't lying by omission counted as lying in Knobsville?

TheSnowFairy Tue 31-Jan-17 16:49:55

op what was it you didn't ask?

So we can all learn precision question asking wink

Love the loudhailers btw!

jcne Tue 31-Jan-17 16:53:13

I didnt ask whether my bf/father of my foetus (who is an alcoholic and had told me he has given up drinking) went out drinking with a girl he used to know when he finished work at 1am on a week night.

Silly me. Such a dumb dumb.

jcne Tue 31-Jan-17 16:54:16

Miss and DJ yes lying by omission sums it up quite nicely doesn't it

jcne Tue 31-Jan-17 16:55:12

FWIW I don't think he's cheating, but he is nonetheless a lying alcoholic and I'm stuck with him πŸ”«

jcne Tue 31-Jan-17 16:55:42

Well maybe he's cheating. How the fuck would I know he's a liar!

TheSnowFairy Tue 31-Jan-17 17:03:54

To be fair, you don't know that.

These are what are now termed 'alternative facts'.

HecateAntaia Tue 31-Jan-17 17:06:15

Innocent example?
My mind's gone totally blank. I can only think of barstardly deeds. 😁 you can apply it to any scenario where the failure to disclose the information constitutes a betrayal of trust.

And no. Not a lawyer. I have been a counsellor and a support worker for young women with challenging behaviour and i have had 18 years with a husband who acts like everything he knows is subject to the official secrets act. So. Training and experience. πŸ˜‚

jcne Tue 31-Jan-17 17:10:09

thesnow lollllll

HecateAntaia Tue 31-Jan-17 17:12:50

He is a liar.
And may well be a cheat.
People pull this shit in order to control information in an attempt to secure the best outcome for them.

I do hear you that you feel stuck with him and that is a horrible feeling for you but objectively it is rarely the case that there is no way to leave, assuming you are in the uk, there is support and a system in place to help.

Pregnant women can and do leave horrible relationships. They do it with no money and nowhere to go, in the most difficult circumstances.
That's not to say it's easy, but it can be done.
If at any point you choose to leave, there are ways to make that happen.

You just need to not want to stay more than you are afraid of leaving/change. At the moment your fear is probably greater than your desire to leave. If this switches then help and support is out there. It has to be your choice but you are never as stuck as you fear you are. X

Previously1 Tue 31-Jan-17 17:15:15

I almost missed reading this thread, thought it was about politicians.

Serialweightwatcher Tue 31-Jan-17 17:15:40

You'll have to ask him "have you lied about anything else" in which case he'll probably lie, but at least you asked ... and you're not stuck with him flowers

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 31-Jan-17 17:17:21

Isn't that just 'lying by omission'? As in - lying?

RebelRogue Tue 31-Jan-17 17:21:51

Hiding stuff because your partner would get mad,upset,angry etc is lying.
Not mentioning random,innocent stuff is not lying.

OP besides the time of day and his drinking partner,is he supposed to be off drink? Why do you feel you can't leave?
Let's face it if you asked him every night ..have you been drinking?with whom? Etc... he'd call you controlling and paranoid. You can't win..

AnyFucker Tue 31-Jan-17 17:23:41

Why do you think you are stuck with this shady, duplicitous alcoholic ?

Does he seem like a good role model for your dc ?

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