Please help.
This may sound petty to some but to me I've had a long road of struggling with DH not taking accountability for things when he is in the wrong.
Just need to give you some background info before explaining tonight's drama. Basically, my dad is one of the most lazy, selfish people you could meet (I don't like writing that, but it's true). I've always made it my main aim in life to make sure I never turn out like that. It's a bit of a running joke that he doesn't know how to work a kettle as he never lifts a finger, just gets my mum to do everything for him. It's awful and something that I find very upsetting. This has resulted in me never asking people to do things for me, well as much as possible. If I can do it myself, I will.
Basically, this evening I was having a massive drama with my phone, I'm moving networks and my number is moving over tomorrow to a new sim but my phone wasn't accepting the new SIM card. DH and I were sat in the living room and I told him what was going on. I got up and got the laptop out to try to see if I could figure out a solution to what was going on. I said to him "can I ask you a massive favour, is there any chance you could get me a drink?" His face dropped and he looked at me as if to say, are you kidding me? I started to be very apologetic and said "I'm sorry, it's just I'm having a massive drama here as you know but I've been thirsty for hours" (been busy putting kids to bed, making packed lunches etc.) he then just carried on staring with the same expression. I started to feel worse until I had a quiet word with myself and realised that I'd asked him for a favour and it in no way warranted this reaction. He knows how much I hate asking anyone to get me a drink because of the situation with my dad. He then preceded to say. "Look, I just think you should have asked me differently". At this point, I was furious. It's a drink. I'm having a massive drama here. Why are you turning it into this? The minute I grew a backbone and actually said how I felt, he stormed off! After me pressing the matter. I eventually get an apology of "I'm sorry if I upset you. I'm not sure exactly what happened and I was only joking but IF I was being unreasonable, I'm sorry." I know this apology would be acceptable to some but only last week I was begging him to hold DD for me as my arms were killing me. I asked him about 6 times and he refused. Then when I got upset he said it was "a misunderstanding".
I didn't accept tonight's apology because I'm sick of it. He still maintains that I should have elaborated straight away as to why I needed him to do me this favour etc. It all seems so petty but after 10 years, I don't want to carry on like this. I feel afraid to tell him I'm upset because I know that if I do, he'll argue tooth and nail that he's not in the wrong and I hate the confrontation. If I don't confront him, it gets left that I'm the unreasonable one and if I do confront him, at best I'll get a half hearted apology after a massive row 
when he's not being unreasonable (which is most of the time) I really love the man he is. Caring, loving. But this side of him just causes me so much hurt at times. Please help. Is it me who is the problem?
AIBU?
To think that my DH is out of order.
MrsBramble5 · 30/01/2017 23:01
I should maybe add that years ago I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship and I now force myself to stand up for myself even though it's not in my nature and even though I find it incredibly difficult at times. I'm just really having a moment of self doubt and also of fear of being treated like a fool again
very strange 
sounds as though he is taking advantage of the fact that you purposefuly dont ask for favours (because of your dad), and when you do he acts like you are being lazy.
i ask my DP for stuff all the time 
he makes me tea when i ask most evenings, or if hes leaving the bedroom while im watching a movie ill say "can you switch the light off please". or i ask "can you feed the cat please" and probably a hundred other requests. he would never complain or say no because i do alot for him without him even having to ask, like cook for him, do his laundry, clean the house , bring him little treats while out shopping etc. its normal and natural to help each other out. he is not your parent to tell you that you are being unreasonable or demanding.
im sure he'd realise how miniscule your request for a drink was if you stopped doing all the things you do for him in the background.
See it's strange because he does loads round the house. Does loads with the kids but I never ask it if him. he drives and I don't so now and again I will ask him if he can pop to the shops on his way home from work to pick up one or two things and he is always accommodating with that but on the odd occasion, he can become so patronising if I do need his help. It hurts me as he knows how much I hate to ask so why would he try to make me feel worse. After everything that he's said about how I should have asked differently, he's also saying that the face he was making was "just for a joke" 
it's infuriating.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.