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to ask how to you deal with 'mean girl' mentality?

(11 Posts)
tryhard Mon 30-Jan-17 19:10:09

I'm at a loss. DD1 is 6. Her class seems suddenly to be a hotbed of intrigue, politics and downright nastiness at times (amongst all the loveliness ofcourse!!). I know it's normal for kids this age but I don't know how to guide her through this effectively. I want her to be a kind friend and not a walk over. I try to model being a good friend and a kind person, but like all kids she makes mistakes and is sometimes mean. How do I help her learn to navigate the complicated relationships of 6 year olds?! How do I teach her how important it is to be kind, but also assertive? I was bullied relentlessly as a child, and whenever she is mean I do panic because of my history.

Leatherboundanddown Mon 30-Jan-17 19:11:36

Watching for answers as my dd is in year 1 and it is constant!

Trifleorbust Mon 30-Jan-17 19:21:02

Teach her never to say anything behind anyone's back. Teach her to think 'do unto others as you would be done by...' Teach her to distance herself from unkind people. Teach her that everyone has something that other people can target, but that we need to accept people for their good points and strengths?

specialsubject Mon 30-Jan-17 19:53:12


The school needs to implement anti bullying!

ollieplimsoles Mon 30-Jan-17 19:57:26

I don't think six is too young to start helping her instill good values so she has integrity but doesn't get walked over or become a target. Then she will know when its time to stick up for herself or back down.

llhj Mon 30-Jan-17 20:04:02

That's pretty shocking at 5 and 6. They need to to be having some circle time to tackle these issues and those at the centre need to tackled and have their wings clipped sharply. They'll be hideous at 10 if that's the case.

Newtoday Mon 30-Jan-17 20:06:22

This is an interesting article on the subject.

PlumsGalore Mon 30-Jan-17 20:15:23

If you have this at six prepare yourself for many years of the same. It doesn't dry up until sixth form. Sorry.

The only way I coped was to encourage DD to have many many friends in different groups, school friends, sports friends, dance friends, home friends etc that way when she had a rough time with one group she still had other friends to socialise with. She was always nice, always, and this stood the test of time. At 19 she is happy with lots of friends, some from primary school, some from high school, some from dance, some uni course mates, uni house mates. Don't keep all her friends in one basket.

tryhard Mon 30-Jan-17 20:23:09

6 is exactly when kids start shuffling about with best friends and working out their relationships surely, I'm not talking about bullying but rather the subtle social shuffling that goes on. I'm not bemoaning that fact, I accept that, but how you guide a girl through that without making her too passive or too aggressive. And that's complicated by the fact that I was bullied a lot when i was older than 6 so I have my own issues.

onthelevel Mon 30-Jan-17 20:27:40

I really think you also need to speak to the school about your concerns;the situation you've described doesn't sound good at all and with past experience I would say unless there is skilled intervention with this particular grouping it is likely to continue; definitely help your daughter to have lots of friends though!

DubiousCredentials Mon 30-Jan-17 20:32:53

Great article Newtoday. I realise I have been trying to raise dd as an "includer".

Definately agree with a pp about teaching them never ever to say anything unkind about anyone behind their backs. I have also actively discouraged a single best friend and focussed on trying to get dd to mix in as many groups as possible. It isn't easy though when there is someone they really hit it off with. Sadly dd was very badly treated by her then "bff" when she was just 7 so she understands the need for other friends too.

I am dreading the teenage years and social media sad

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