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To think partner should contribute?

(22 Posts)
lucyjordon Mon 30-Jan-17 18:39:44

I'd usually put this in relationships, but doing it here for some quick opinions...
Five months ago my partner had a small flood in his house. I'd recently moved into a new rental with my ds. Do came to stay with me while his house dried out. He also rents but off a friend, it's £250 a month less than I pay because he still pays the same rent they set ten years ago.
Anyway it's taken months for the landlord to sort out the repairs with his in surfers and dp is still at my house. His house was never uninhabitable, he just liked it here and it kind of worked. DS is very fond of him.
However, he contributes nothing except the odd pint of milk. To be fair he cooks his own food which DS doesn't like, and often eats at work. But Obv all my other bills have gone up with another adult in the house. He works from (my) home a couple of days a week too. But he has had a cheap winter with a tiny rent and no bills. He earns over twice what I do, if I'd known he still be living here for free 5 months later and it wouldn't occur to him to contribute, then I'd never have let him stay. Aibu to thin he should offer something, or I should ask? I realise a lot of this is of my own making grin

JenniferYellowHat1980 Mon 30-Jan-17 18:41:08

YANBU. He's a cocklodger.

user892 Mon 30-Jan-17 18:42:32

YANBU. He contributes to half of all bills or he's out.

ImperialBlether Mon 30-Jan-17 18:43:19

I bet his house has been fixed for months!

whatiswrongwithyou Mon 30-Jan-17 18:43:35

Why on earth are you putting up with this..?! I couldn't be in a relationship with somebody who was that selfish that they didn't even offer to contribute to the household! What do you see in him?

Euphemia Mon 30-Jan-17 18:43:52

What does he say when you raise it?

user892 Mon 30-Jan-17 18:43:54

And he doesn't even make your tea?!! He's taking the absolute piss out of you and should be ashamed of himself.

harderandharder2breathe Mon 30-Jan-17 18:44:42

Yanbu and I would seriously think about whether I wanted to be with someone who wouldn't think to offer to contribute before now.

dowhatnow Mon 30-Jan-17 18:46:13

Why have you left it 5 months to say anything. He needed to contribute or "treat you" in other ways and you needed to speak up. Doesn't sound a great dynamic really. I'd have concerns about this relationships future.
YANBU though in thinking it is not on.

honeylulu Mon 30-Jan-17 18:46:42

Ask him!!!! Why be shy?

happypoobum Mon 30-Jan-17 18:48:05

COCKLODGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lessthanaballpark Mon 30-Jan-17 18:49:21

I'm guessing she's left it 5 months because she doesn't want the conflict.

OP, just ask him to contribute. You have nothing to lose because how he answers will tell you what you need to know about the relationship

timeforabrewnow Mon 30-Jan-17 18:49:22

Christ almighty - really people?.. she hasn't asked him for any contribution , so he didn't pay any. OP I suggest you talk to him.

Yes, he should have offered, but I hardly think that makes him such an evil pig as you all seem to think.

lucyjordon Mon 30-Jan-17 18:53:14

He does cook for me, it's just that it's all spicy and he is often home from work later than me, so it's easier for me to eat with ds a lot of the time as I'm making something for him anyway.
I'd just sold my marital home after my divorce and this was a new start for me and ds, but in a tiny house with a careful budget.
He comes from a friends and family background where they are all very well educated and earn lots of money. I come from a different background and I don't think it occurs to him that I might not be on £50k a year. Also I had a shit v abusive marriage and am still finding it hard to get out of the habit of not being able to say anything. And I don't trust my judgement, which is why I posted on here!

Allalonenow Mon 30-Jan-17 18:54:20

He should be paying at least half of the utility bills plus a contribution to rent and sundries. He is certainly taking advantage of you, work out how much he owes you and tell him to pay up.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Mon 30-Jan-17 18:54:52

Christ almighty - really people?.. she hasn't asked him for any contribution , so he didn't pay any.

A decent human being would have offered.

I don't think he's an "evil pig" but I do think he's a chancer.

dowhatnow Mon 30-Jan-17 18:57:51

Have an honest chat then and trust your instincts. If it feels wrong, it probably is.

lucyjordon Mon 30-Jan-17 18:58:12

Less than, you are right about not wanting the conflict. I honestly wouldn't have minded for a couple of months, but as time goes on it gets harder to say anything. His house def isn't done, we go and check on it! He is full of plans about me and ds staying there some of the time , he's got an open fire and a big garden etc, when he gets back in, and I think he thinks because of all this then it will all be ok. But that won't pay my bills!
I had a bigger than expected water bill the other day and he offered to pay a third, so I thought this would be a good time to bring up the rest of it! I just wanted to check I wasn't being unreasonable...

user892 Mon 30-Jan-17 19:00:00

Gosh Lucy - yes - your radar is way off. A loving respectful partner would not behave like this.

Mermaidinthesea Mon 30-Jan-17 19:00:41

He's a sponging twat, chuck him out. I've had three boyfriends/husbands like this and if you put up with it they will have no respect whatsoever for you and will continue to sponge.
I have pledged never ever to tolerate this again ever.
People who sponge off single parents are the scum of the earth.

Mermaidinthesea Mon 30-Jan-17 19:01:30

And they are also NOT men. No real man would ever do that. Real men look after you.

honeylulu Mon 30-Jan-17 19:05:00

Real men look after you.
Real men pay their way. Grown adult women don't need "looking after"!

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