AIBU about my mums dog in my house(118 Posts)
I’ll start off by saying I’m not anti dog. I like them, had them growing up and intend to get one again in the future when we have more time.
But, my mum has gone and bought a puppy. She’s recently retired so has time etc, so great for her, it’ll keep her company, get her exercise etc etc. And it is adorable. However, she does childcare for us one day a week and now ‘needs’ to bring the puppy with her. I understand, the puppy can’t be left alone all day but AIBU to not want it in my house?
-We are trying to sell the house so want it clean and smell free.
-We have 2 cats, who haven’t been around dogs so naturally don’t like them. They are male cats and when stressed one does spray, even though he’s been neutered.
-I don’t want DS (13months) around the dog. My sister was bitten by our very friendly, good tempered dog when she was about 4, so you just never know and I feel a playful puppy is an accident waiting to happen.
Mum asked to do the childcare – she lives about an hour from us so never even hoped that’d we’d get family support, we are very grateful. We don’t pay her, we offered but she has asked that we save what we would have been spending on that day’s child care and put it towards something big at the end of the year. So I don’t really feel I can say no, but I want to.
I'm also a bit peeved that she chose to buy a dog, rather than adopt one from a rescue, but that's my issue.
AIBU? I've said I'm not happy but she can bring it this week as there's no other option and it can live in the kitchen and garden for the day - I'm not a monster, I'll give it a water bowl and an old blanket as a bed.
YANBU. I have a dog but if you don't want a puppy in your house that is quite understandable.
You could find alternative childcare for that day.
Or if your mum really wants to do the childcare, she could take the puppy to doggy daycare that day or get a dogsitter.
If she's giving you free childcare I think you have to put up with it.
You have cats and they smell far worse than dogs, so I'm not sure why you're worried about the dog smelling. If you had no pets yourself I'd have more sympathy but I think you're stuck with it.
I wouldn't be happy with a puppy in my house either, can you trust your mum to stick to your rules?
You're not really being unreasonable. It's your house which means your choice. Also like you said you're trying to sell it and if your cat sprays it's going to stink. A stressed out cat will spray and that stuff is impossible to get out.
I was in the same situation regarding a young dog and my toddler last year and I was nervous about it jumping up and nipping her face in excitement. It happened to me as an adult and I'm not in the habit of getting in animals faces..so it's perfectly reasonable in that respect too.
Saying that though, I'm not really sure what the option is for your mother. The dog can't be left alone for a long time. I think a compromise and see how it goes is the best idea. It will be fine in the kitchen and outside for a while. It's not really fair on the cats but hey ho!! they'll get over it
Your house will smell catty it just will so puppy smell is nothing really. Can your toddler not go to your mum's house instead so granny baby sit there? Dog is to young to be left at home so you either come to a compromise or get alternative babysitter
No, of course you're not unreasonable to not want a dog in your house. Just make alternative childcare arrangements and arrange to see your Mum at her house instead of yours when you have family visits.
If for some reason you can't do that, then yes, obviously you do have to accept that she has a dog now and she can't leave it all day.
I would get another babysitter moving house is stressful enough without this
Your cats will smell alot worse than the dog (unless dog is wet in which case it beats the cat on smell) to a none pet owner. However yanbu re a puppy and a child. Id look at finding other childcare if you can.
YANBU for the simple reason that you have cats and it's not fair on them for a dog to be brought into their home.
However, you will have to sort out the childcare issue. Do you actually want your mum providing childcare or have you accepted because you didn't feel able to say no?
I suggest that she could either look after your DS in her own home (which means she won't have to bring the dog into your home) or you make alternative childcare arrangements.
If you don't actually want her providing childcare I would use the dog as an excuse to make alternative arrangements.
I think I'll speak to nursery about him going full time. That was always the plan, we don't need mum to childcare, she wanted to.
We can't take him to her house, she lives over an hour away.
In what world do cats smell worse than dogs?!
You are much nicer than me (and more of a pushover) because I would say no. If your DM says she cannot babysit if she cannot bring the dog then I would say no problem, thank her for the childcare she has done so far and make alternative arrangements.
I wouldn't have the puppy either. Either your DM will have to cancel or she'll have to find a dog sitter. I feel it was a bit daft of your DM to get a puppy without telling you, as if she had you could have pointed out that puppies can't be left and she can't bring it to your house.
I've got two cats and although one is ok but wary of dogs, the other is really scared. Having a dog in the house would terrify her.
"In what world do cats smell worse than dogs?!"
Exactly Cactus, I thought that too! In the bizarre parallel universe that is AIBU, obviously!
Anotheremma my mum provides great childcare, I have no issue with it, I just never expected it. DS was booked to go full time at nursery but then mum asked if she could do a day. As we live quite far away (70+ miles) she doesn't get to see us that often so thought it would be a good way of bonding with him, which it is.
Well if you're happy with her doing childcare one day a week (minus the dog) perhaps you could offer to pay for her to get a dog sitter or doggy day care, so she can continue?
If you aren't happy with it then you have to find alternative childcare.
You can't expect your mum to leave a puppy alone all day.
You can't expect her to have the expense of finding a sitter for her puppy so she can come do a favour to you for free.
You can't subject your cats to ongoing stress for, what? a year? two years? until/unless they get used to it?
Plus the concern you have about a dog around your child. Factor in the damage that a bored puppy will do because puppies, like toddlers, need a LOT of attention and sitting in your kitchen with food and water simply isn't going to cut it...
and really your choice is clear isn't it? It's best, given everything you've said here about how you feel, to say to your mum that this simply isn't going to work for you and while you're grateful for her help, you're going to put your child into nursery / to a childminder.
Out of interest when you get your own dog in future how will you manage the cat stress and bite risk?
These things aren't going to change, and if you're worried about biting in particular it's MUCH safer for the pup to have positive socialisation with a child whilst young than when it's older. This dog will be around for the next 10-15 years - building a good relationship with your DC now will make life much easier in the long run
It is a shame but you are stressed the cats are stressed your mum might be upset but if you dont want the dog in your house then that is fair enough
I've only ever had female cats but none of them has ever smelt.
In what world do cats smell worse than dogs?!
I agree. I have a few relatives and friends who have cats and I've never noticed any sort of smell. A couple of them I never knew they had one till the cat appeared.
Dogs, however, I can smell them as soon as I walk through the door.
That damp, pungent doggy smell is unmistakeable.
Veterinari we won't get one whilst we have the cats. The cats middle aged now and won't live forever.
I have no issue with the dog being socialised, but DS is a crawler and a climber and a grabber at the moment, I don't feel it is fair to either of them currently.
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