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To not keep on top of it all with just 1dc

(16 Posts)
MommaGee Mon 30-Jan-17 10:38:52

Ok I know I am but DH is too nice and I think I need a lick up the butt!

We get up, I make Ds's milk and our breakfasts. His feed is a tube feed so takes an hour to get through. He doesn't sit still so I have to be in the same room as him in case he pulls it.
So we eat and I throw the breakfast stuff in the kitchen.
DS washed and dressed, we play for a not then it's lunchtime feed and food. Takes an hour blah blah blah.
So now lunch stuff is in the kitchen and there's a ton of toys out.
Sometimes he'll nap and I try to get on top of washing up and clothes washing. Sometimes I feel so tired and blah I just want to sit and watch adult telly (holby city not porn!) Then he's awake, we play and suddenly its 5 pm!! Who stole my day?
So try and get something on for tea, tidy the worst of the toys, and get his feed sorted.
DH comes in at 6 so he'll entertain DS and I wash up. Get dinner finished. We all sit down to eat and DS has another feed. He has an hour or so before bed which is normally both of us playing with him do DS gets family time.
Bed routine can take from 15 mins to 2 hours of up and down stairs as well as a water and milk feed between 9-11 pm which DH does. In between DS going to bed (7.30-8 but between 9-10 him actually sleeping ATM) we watch telly / talk / do our computer stuff. DH throws all toys on the toy boxes if i put DS to bed and vice versa. Sometimes he does the washing up from tea, sometimes I do, sometimes its left. Always cups left from pre bedtime drinks.

We go to bed between 11-12 am. I can't sleep so toss and turn / read / mn til probably 2 am as DS has a tendency to wale about 1.30 am, sometimes again at 4 am. I get up as DH is pretty deaf once his hearing aids are out.

If we go out in the day obvs its worse as if I go out we tend to go out for several hours not a quick walk round the block as it tales so long to get out.

There's always washing up to finish, always toy boxes to sort, there's stuff on every room that is neat in tubs but needs sorting, on meant to be doing an online course but cbb by the time we sot down at 9/10 pm.

And I know that everyone else copes with jobs and more kids and less helpful husband's!!!!

So why am I so shit? Am I just lazt or disorganised or overindulging DS or
All of the above?

Casschops Mon 30-Jan-17 10:55:32

I think you are a busy mum with a child who has needs above and beyond the standard care needs. Life is difficult, I work with children who have additional needs we with complex and multiple to nursing needs with physical and learning disabilities. Children will be children and wether they are fussy eaters or fork throwere or gastrointestinal tube messer's they can be a PITA at meal times. Don't beat yourself up sounds like you have a good team mate x

Mrsglitterfairy Mon 30-Jan-17 10:56:51

flowers for you! It is hard with just one Dc, I really struggled with my first and it sounds like your DS has additional needs being tube fed which obviously takes up more time.
I think you're being a bit too hard on yourself. When my ds1 was a baby, my house was a shit tip! I didn't really care though, I spent most of my day playing with him. You're very lucky to have a supportive DH, not everyone has that, it's good that he recognises that you need help in the evenings and will do although he has been out to work.
Honestly, my only advice is to relax a little, let it flow as it is and eventually things will get easier. I can promise you that.

Gingernut81 Mon 30-Jan-17 11:04:58

Nope, having been up since 5 with DD (16 mths) I have succeeded in putting last night's pits in the dishwasher, one load of washing & got dressed. We were just about to leave the house to go shopping and she's fallen asleep on my sodding shoulder...I really don't know where the day goes any more 😕

bummymummy77 Mon 30-Jan-17 11:08:42

My house was immaculate when ds was a baby. Never any washing up or laundry lying around. Everyone commented on how clean and tidy it was and how well I was doing.

It broke me. I was exhausted ALL of the time. And I wasn't spending nearly enough time with ds.

To some extent, fuck the mess. Concentrate on keeping you and your ds happy and healthy.

Rainydayspending Mon 30-Jan-17 11:29:43

I think you've made some good compromises. flowers.
It does sound full on for you.
Can i childishly snigger now at "lick up the butt"? grin

veevita Mon 30-Jan-17 11:33:55

There's a wonderful book called 'what mothers do... especially when it looks like nothing' by Naomi stadlen. Suggest you read it.

Enjoy the daytime telly!

montezumasrevenge Mon 30-Jan-17 11:35:32

You mention washing up a lot. Could you get a dishwasher?

MommaGee Mon 30-Jan-17 11:38:16

Well the guilt of writing of all down got some of the washing up done. 7 cups from yesterday and there's oy two of us. But I rarely make one so is hard to moan at DH for not wahong up cups to reuse. God I wish we cold for a dishwasher in our tony kitchen!

I saw the start of bummy comment and thought I was gonna get an "I did it, do it!" lecture but you're all too nice!!

He's 19 mp's, walks and crawl everywhere especially around stuff so he's always getting knotted on his o2 pipes! He's still not talking so he gets really frustrated cos he can't communicate his needs properly and my attempts at teaching sign are unsuccessful. Never got onto a sign class as he's never well for long enough.
However he's extremely living (loves holding my hand, climbing on for cuddles) and funny and sweet and smart. I just wish I could do all the things I'm meant to do.
I'm a SAHM with husband support, I should be smashing motherhood

MommaGee Mon 30-Jan-17 11:39:16

rainyday pmsl I had to go back to see what you meant haha



I need a kick!!!!


MommaGee Mon 30-Jan-17 11:41:03

montez no hope. Kitchen is tiny. Freezer behind door. Cupboard, cupboard, cooker, sink and were at the back door. Even tumble dryer is in garage which is accessed by going out into the garden.

HeyMacWey Mon 30-Jan-17 11:44:56

You are smashing motherhood - the reality is not gushing social media posts.

Reduce your expectations and cut yourself some slack. Some days you'll get more done than others, but 'good enough' parenting is the way forward.

skinnyamericano Mon 30-Jan-17 11:49:55

I think you're doing really well. Having a toddler around is hard work, and that's without any additional needs. You sound like a lovely mum - I wish I'd spent more time playing, and less worrying about the state of the house. As long as it's not a health hazard, don't panic.

If you are desperate to keep a bit more on top of it, I guess 20 mins in the evening would make a difference.

bummymummy77 Mon 30-Jan-17 11:51:29

I'm not just saying this to smooth your ego or look nice but really, your child has additional needs and you are doing what you absolutely should be doing- putting him first.

In 18 years I promise you that you will not look back and think 'I wish I'd kept the house more tidy'.

This is such a cliche but they really are only this small for such a short time. Be with him as you should be and don't feel any guilt about it!!

winniewigs Mon 30-Jan-17 11:53:08

It sounds like you're doing an amazing job. You ds's needs come first, and everything else doesn't have to be perfect. I still haven't got my shit together, and my dc are 9 and 5 now. We're all just doing our best, but we only have so much time/energy.

MommaGee Mon 30-Jan-17 11:54:32

Thank you all. Guess its easy to feel lime everyone is doing better. Oh x knows all her colours and y can count up to 10 and z tidies his own toys up and the house is always clean and every meal is homemade and I'm the ideal weight and we still have sex 14 times a week!!!

We're currently both watching waybaloo cross legged on the floor, one hand on my foot and one on his monster toy!

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