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Aib was this a crap birthday?

(14 Posts)
witchkat72 Mon 30-Jan-17 08:17:20

It was my birthday yesterday, my Dd 21 didnt send a card but said apparently was sent ages ago (moonpig). My dh didn't get me a present but eventually took me to buy a pair of slippers hmm. Also I very recently lost both my dp 7 weeks apart and this is my first birthday without them sad. Now my dh is usually pretty good at occasions and has organised great surprises in the past, we're not flush with money and have to budget for travelling to my dm's funeral, so I get he cant afford lavish gifts, which by the way I wasnt expecting as we never do, just something thoughtful and or personal. I cried so much yesterday but feel terribly guilty for feeling like this

EustaceClarenceScrubb Mon 30-Jan-17 08:21:22

YANBU. All the 'firsts' after losing a loved one are so hard, your first birthday without either of your parents should have warranted a bit more TLC from your family. cake and flowers for you.

MidnightSheep Mon 30-Jan-17 08:27:38

On the face of it it does sound a crappy birthday. However grief affects people differently so maybe your DD and DH are in shock/grieving and just found it hard to organise themselves.

Also, you are grieving having lost both parents 7 weeks apart and maybe your family didn't know if you wanted to "celebrate" your birthday. Or maybe they thought they should take their lead from you and were waiting for you to tell them how you wanted to mark your birthday.

Tell them you feel sad and suggest something to do next weekend to mark the occasion.

Sorry for your loss and sorry you had a crappy birthday. Have some virtual cake and flowers

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Mon 30-Jan-17 08:27:53

Why are you feeling guilty? This is your first birthday without your parents you are bound to be grieving - I cried on my first birthday after my DM died. To lose both parents 7 wks apart is a huge bereavement.
If I was your DH I would be having words with your DD - she could have managed a proper card and some flowers or a box of chocolates. He could have done much more for you as well - no wonder you are upset. I'd be feeling very disappointed.

Spice22 Mon 30-Jan-17 08:29:01

Hi OP, I'm so sorry for the loss of your parents.
Perhaps your DH didn't want to make a fuss incase it seemed insensitive considering your recent loss? Either way, I'm sorry you had a shit birthday. Go out and treat yourself (doesn't have to be expensive !) .

Spice22 Mon 30-Jan-17 08:29:55

What Midnight said.

Lotsofplanetshaveanorth Mon 30-Jan-17 09:00:33

I am so sorry for your losses.

It was my birthday at the weekend, everyone forgot except for DH and one friend. I know I should be grateful for the two that remembered but I am not, I am sad and hurt. I don't buy gifts in order to receive them but but but

I hope you can find space to do something you enjoy.

shovetheholly Mon 30-Jan-17 09:01:37

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers. It's no wonder you are feeling vulnerable, you poor thing. I do think the lack of effort from your family sounds completely rubbish. I don't think you're being in the slightest bit spoiled or silly to feel neglected that such an important milestone was ignored in such difficult circumstances.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY from me! Can you do something nice for yourself today - like go to a cafe at lunchtime and buy yourself a big slice of birthday cake?

Rainbowqueeen Mon 30-Jan-17 09:03:10

flowers. I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

Yes it was a pretty ordinary birthday. But I agree with the others, maybe they didn't know what to do for the best and didn't want to upset you further by seeming to forget about your DP by making a big celebration.

Grief is hard.

Be gentle on yourself

londonrach Mon 30-Jan-17 09:07:03

Happy birthday lotsof andwitchkat! Go and treat yourselfs today. Witchkat i suspect your dd and dh didnt know what to do so close to losing both your parents. Talk to them. Hugs witchkat xxxx

Lemon12345 Mon 30-Jan-17 09:18:11

Yep, that was a crap birthday. Did anyone else show any interest? Or is it just DH and DD that 'attempted' something. I would be upset about that level of crappy-ness for any birthday, never mind the first one after a BIG loss like you have had.

I hope they try to make it up to you, but not sure that the sting will be lessened quickly. Definatly tell them both how you feel.

ChippyTea16 Mon 30-Jan-17 10:29:05

YANBU OP that doesn't sound like a nice birthday at all. Not to defend your family but maybe they weren't feeling like celebrating and didn't think you would be either hence the lack of effort?

I'd maybe just let them know how hurt you felt and give them a chance to explain and possibly make it up to you with a bit of thought and effort.

I'm so sorry for your loss and happy belated birthday. If nothing else, get yourself some cake and treat yourself to something you enjoy doing. x

witchkat72 Mon 30-Jan-17 11:23:19

Older two dc made effort as did my ds,y youngest dd lives with her bf and she's a whole new thread by herself, but she's usually very sensitive to others in times of need, without going too much in to her actions but after a recent upset with her bf she reconciles with him and then goes very quiet afterwards and reduces contact. I tried speaking to dh last night but he got upset as in tearful saying he did his best?? He also knows how I'm feeling as he lost both his parents the previous year, we celebrated his birthday and raised a glass in their honour.
Thank you all for your kind words it really does mean a lot xx

BackforGood Mon 30-Jan-17 11:37:16

You've clearly had a very, very difficult couple of years, and you need to all be kind to yourselves.
It may well be that your dh is struggling more than you'll ever know. I went to a funeral of someone I didn't even know that well - husband of a friend, about 9 months after I lost my Mu, and it just set something off inside of me and I bawled uncontrollably. I wouldn't be at all surprised if your dh has been tremendously upset too at the loss of your parents, and is just struggling to hold everything together too.

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