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To report sister to social services

(139 Posts)
ricecrispies16 Mon 30-Jan-17 07:32:55

My sister has been removed from an "abusive relationship" and her two children were due to be put under a care order UNLESS she stayed away from her partner.

She has some issues and has lied about her partner abusing her (although he is abusive to the children, particularly one of them who is now living with my mum, her choice). She is still in regular contact with her partner, taking one of the children to stay there every weekend without fail. She has been told that if she sees him or takes the children there that the children will be placed under an order.

Mum has said she will take on her son legally if she wants her to, she said no because then she will lose money (benefits). She's pushing for all kinds of diagnoses for him, ADHD, Autism etc in the hope she will be able to claim carers allowance for him.

The whole scenario makes me feel sick. The case with social services was meant to go to a conference last week but because she's "stayed away" they didn't do it.

She has said that when social services backs off she will take the child back from my mum, go back to him and both herself and her partner have said they will blame him everyday for being disloyal and speaking out about what was happening at home. She calls him idiot, c**t etc and I can't bare to think that she will be allowed to take him whenever she wants and subject him to abuse.

What can I do?

If I ring social services I can't prove that she's been going to him, or that she verbally abuses him or that she only wants him for the money.

I really can't see him go back there but I don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading.

Laurah1979 Mon 30-Jan-17 07:36:54

You absolutely must protect those poor children. You know what you need to do flowers

NavyandWhite Mon 30-Jan-17 07:37:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

enfru Mon 30-Jan-17 07:39:36

From what you've said these children have endured more than enough and their future looks bleak if social services back away.
Phone them and voice your concerns, it's for the children's own good. Tell them she's lied about staying away from her partner and that they need to do a bit more digging than just taking her word for it.

Good luck- the kids are lucky to have you and your mum in their corner

ricecrispies16 Mon 30-Jan-17 07:39:36

But I can't prove anything, she will deny it all and then blame my mum, my poor mum is on the receiving end of her shit daily!

Stormwhale Mon 30-Jan-17 07:40:51

This will not be the first time ss have had the wool pulled over their eyes in this situation. You must speak up. Your sister and her partner do not deserve to be parents. Those poor children. Gather any evidence you have (texts, WhatsApp messages etc) and take it to social services.

NavyandWhite Mon 30-Jan-17 07:42:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

enfru Mon 30-Jan-17 07:42:45

do you need to be able to prove it? If social services have been happy to take your sisters word that she's staying away why wouldn't they take yours that she's lying?
All you can do is phone them and tell them the truth- and get your mum to phone them too

Afreshstartplease Mon 30-Jan-17 07:42:56

How awful

I agree you must phone them

Has she said any of these things in text messages or anything? Would your mum back you up?

Bluntness100 Mon 30-Jan-17 07:43:00

They plan to abuse this child and totally fuck him up for the rest of his life. You need to report it. Immediately. 💐

Afreshstartplease Mon 30-Jan-17 07:43:52

TBH if you tell them she's seeing him at weekend they could turn up and catch her there

ricecrispies16 Mon 30-Jan-17 07:44:29

I know when she goes there so could tell them to drop by at a certain time and day and they will find her there.

Can I report anonymously? I'm worried as well because he and his family are lunatics.

SaorAlbaGuBrath Mon 30-Jan-17 07:45:40

Ring out of hours when she has the children with him and request an urgent welfare check.

drinkyourmilk Mon 30-Jan-17 07:46:09

Would your mum back you up?
I think you have to try to protect your nephew and his sibling.

KermitRuffinsTrumpet Mon 30-Jan-17 07:46:30

Could you record her verbally abusing him?

You simply MUST report. Those poor loves sad

RebelRogue Mon 30-Jan-17 07:48:00

Yes you can report anonymously. You could also ring NSPC and ask them for advice,if they deem it serious enough they'll even make a referral for you. She is breaking the terms of her "contract" with ss and lying to them. Those poor kids are being used and abused. You need to speak up. If you have any emails,messages,pictures etc those will be enough proof. Even if you don't,they will still have to look i to it. Protect those children,good luck

ChasedByBees Mon 30-Jan-17 07:48:03

Please do report her.

ricecrispies16 Mon 30-Jan-17 07:48:38

Recording is a good idea, won't get a chance to until the weekend though when I next see them all

SaorAlbaGuBrath Mon 30-Jan-17 07:49:09

Fair point actually, NSPCC do take calls 24 hours a day and if it's serious will act out of hours, I know this from personal experience of having to call. You can remain anonymous if you choose.

ricecrispies16 Mon 30-Jan-17 07:51:01

This might sound silly but if I use 141 before dialling social services number will they still be able to track my phone number if needed?

MadameJosephine Mon 30-Jan-17 07:51:56

I know it is hard but you really MUST report this, somebody has to protect these children and she certainly isn't going to

Wtfdoipick Mon 30-Jan-17 07:56:06

I know of a similar case a few years ago and ss got testimony from the neighbours that the woman was visiting when they went to court to remove the child. You can report it anonymously, you may be better doing so by letter and making sure you include any information that you think they may find helpful. You do not need to put your name to it.

Afreshstartplease Mon 30-Jan-17 08:00:28

I also know of a similar case but in this case the man was visiting the home the children lived in
Ss did lots of unannounced visits some with police as the mum wouldn't allow entry, they would check the entire house looking for the man
The children were eventually removed but not because they found him there as they never did but they did atleast keep trying
As a pp said they also took statement from neighbours

KermitRuffinsTrumpet Mon 30-Jan-17 08:07:50

I'm sorry rice it must be so hard for you to see your sister act and speak in this way. It's heartbreaking enough to know that children are in danger but when it's your own flesh and blood as the abuser/enabler then it must add a dimension. flowers

I'm glad to hear you make plans to report. Those children need you.

Iamastonished Mon 30-Jan-17 08:08:13

Please get in touch with SS and the NSPCC if necessary. You might be frightened of reprisals, but could you live with the idea that the children are far more frightened than you, that something awful will happen to them, that their whole lives are going to be f***ed up just because you didn't make that call?

They need to feel safe and secure, and at the moment they aren't.

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