To approach child's mother

[happybunny82]

Just before Christmas my DS coat went missing, during his weekly football training. Fast forward to this morning, I said saw a child on his team wearing the fleece insection of the same coat.

Just for context, this child has had to loan football boots and full kit from the coach. He also turns up to training and matches with a jacket which is totally inappropriate for winter weather.

So my question is, AIBU to want to talk to the child's mother to find out whether she bought him this coat? And if yes, how would you appoach it?

[thethoughtfox]

If you can afford to get your child a new one, don't make a fuss about this and humiliate the poor ( literally) child but making this public but perhaps bring it to the attention of the coach who could have a quiet word with him.

[alsmutko]

Have a quiet word with the school. So the family is apparently poor but that's no reason for your child's things to be stolen - for all anyone else knows you might be in the same position.

[Stuffedshirt]

I agree with fox.

[CombineBananaFister]

Yanbu in wanting to talk to childs mother but YWB to accuse them of nicking it, loads of kids in my sons class have the same bookbag/coat/lunchbag/water bottle, it happens.

I suppose the other thing based on what you said about him needing other things, I'd probably let the poor lad have it if I could afford it rather than him bloody freeze. Bit annoying if money is tight for you guys too though. Don't think there is an okay way to approach it without looking like a divvy and you'll never know for sure anyway.

[Cherryskypie]

I'd talk to the coach on the off chance they found it and loaned it to the child. I wouldn't talk to the mother.

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

I wouldn't say anything. You'll never prove it's your son's and it might not be anyway. Put it down to experience and your son not leaving his stuff where it could get taken etc.

[harderandharder2breathe]

Was the coat looked for properly when it went missing? My brownie cupboard usually contains at least 2 forgotten coats in winter plus several brownie jackets. We got so sick of having multiple coats which were never claimed that they all went to the charity shop. But if it was an outdoor activity and a child didn't have a coat, we wouldn't have hesitated to lend one.

[Cherryskypie]

For future clothing, name or name tape somewhere obvious (like label or under the hook loop and name or name tape somewhere hidden like sewn inside a pocket. The first alerts someone they've made a mistake and the second catches out thieves who get rid of the first.

[happybunny82]

They train in a park, so he left it with his bag; where all the other players leave their, coats, water bottles etc. I've since bought him a new jacket.

We are not loaded, but we can afford the necessities. It's just super frustrating, as I paid for the coat and someone else is wearing it!

[EmeraldIsland]

Unless it's a very specific and obscure/very expenisve branded coat, there's every chance it's not your ds's.

I bought ds1 a lovely new winter coat in October which was £70. Navy but still fairly distinctive in style and not from a hugely popular online shop...and due to the price, I wouldn't imagine there'd be a load of people buying it iyswim (I would normally never spend that much but it was a splurge).

However, in a smallish school of about 200 kids, there are now 4 dc in the juniors that i've spotted with an identical coat. Ds has come home wearing the wrong one twice, once because he took someone elses and the second time because someone else took his and he had no alternative but to take theirs...both times swapped the next day.

Anyway, there's every chance that this kid just has the same coat...it does happen.

[happybunny82]

Ask the coach the day it went missing. He said there was literally nothing left in the park. He normally pick up anything left behind and throws in the boot of his car for the boys to pick up at match, the next day.

Also I did put name in it in fabric pen, but the child was wearing the the removable fleece and not the actual coat. I think he did this because it would have been impossible to remove the name from the coat without ruining it.

[Cherryskypie]

It's shitty but you can't prove it.

[happybunny82]

The coat cost £95 and he never wears the actual coat just by chance happened to catch him wearing the infleece today. My DS hasn't been at trading for a few weeks. My guess is that he thought he wasn't returning after the Christmas break. Also if you have and expensive warm jacket why would you not wear it? This child is always in a very inexpensive ill fitting coat and looks freezing.

[Trifleorbust]

I would just leave it. Chances are it's his. But I would assume he found it before he stole it! And he's cold

[JanuaryMoods]

I'd have a word with the coach. It does look as though the child stole it and it shouldn't go unchallenged. What will he steal next?

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

You don't even know it's your son's! You've just come to that conclusion yourself without any proof at all!

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

January labelling a child a prolific thief based on zero evidence...that's just lovely.

[happybunny82]

Thanks all, I'm going to have a word with the coach.

[kayleighnotts]

if you don't want to accuse just say that fleece looks lovely where did you buy it from?

[GimmeeMoore]

Some strange responses,Its not your role to provide warm coat to child who lacks one
You paid for the coat,for your child and unfortunately now the coat is missing
Hmm,approaching the mum depends on whether she'll be truthful.if it was taken,she'll obv lie

[user1484226561]

name BOTH parts of two part coats. And detachable hoods

[milliemolliemou]

I agree with fox. Your £95 jacket (!!!) for your DS may have gone walkabout but not necessarily the child's fault. Clearly the coach might advise on whom to contact about a child who seems to be often cold and ill dressed. Do his parents or siblings turn up to training?

[Cherryskypie]

'coach might advise on whom to contact about a child who seems to be often cold and ill dressed'

Really?

[GimmeeMoore]

I doubt a footy coach will have a knowledge of whom to contact about an inadequately attired child

[CombineBananaFister]

Bloody hell £95 ! Crikey, I'd have been racing around panicking looking for it the moment it went missing. You could ask around or chase up your missing coat without actually accusing them about theirs but if it wasn't labelled you're not going to be able to identify it. Get a label maker