My (I thought/hope) best and oldest friend made a joke about me to my DH, in front of me, and it has cut me to the core and made me start to re-evaluate what she really thinks of me. Perhaps I'm over-reacting, but she knew it was a sensitive topic. Wd welcome thoughts.
My DH's employer has moved him to another country. Consequently I am giving up my job (which paid as much, if not more than his, and was more stable), my home for 15 years, my social circle, to join him in a country where I don't really speak the language, have no friends, and will have trouble finding work. The main gain is that I will be able to visit my DS, in boarding school, more often.
I did choose to do this, but it was presented as - he was going, I could come, or have a long distance commuting relationship. The other factor is that a few years ago I had the chance of promotion if I moved, but withdrew from consideration because my DH refused to move with me.
My BF knows all this, and that I am very anxious, upset, insecure, about the entire process. But she hasn't been keen to talk about it. I had lunch with her, and at the end my DH joined us and things were normal and friendly. She and I always split our bill but this time she moved to pay more than her share. I said something like "don't worry I can still afford to pay for my lunch". She turned to my DH and said (I remember it word for word) "Oh dear, I suppose that is the next thing we are going to have to put up with, xxx [me] not having any money." They both laughed and she immediately left for her office.
I know I should have said something immediately, but I was so shocked that she was out of the cafe before I even realized and then I had to get on a plane. I have been trying for some time to convince myself that it was just a joke in poor taste. But it nags at me that it shows that either my stress/insecurity about the move is unreasonable (am I being selfish, over-emotional,overly negative?) or that, when the going gets tough she is no longer someone who I can be confident will be there for me.
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AIBU?
AIBU about my BF's 'joke'?
80 replies
expatparent · 29/01/2017 15:22
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