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To give up on finding love

(10 Posts)
Iusedtobedontcall Sun 29-Jan-17 14:00:28

I just feel it's increasingly unrealistic and searching for it just makes me unhappy. I had a marriage which I ended as exh was a gambler who made me desperately unhappy. I had two short online dating relationships which they ended and then one of two years. I loved him very much but he fell out of love with me. I have tried to date again but have just been rejected after two dates as I'm not available enough. I have 3 dc. I have little free time, receive no child maintenance and am working full time and tutoring as well some evenings.
Just feeling a bit sorry for myself. I have some good friends so I am starting to think I should try to just accept that this is it. It's too difficult with 3 dc. It'd take a very very special man and I'm doubting he's out there to be honest. I won't meet anyone the normal way as I never have, post early 20s and I'm not one for going out drinking! I only get one day a week and every other weekend free anyway.

formerbabe Sun 29-Jan-17 14:08:03

No, I don't think you should give up on finding love, but perhaps accept that it is not the right time in your life to find a relationship...If that's how you feel of course.

SparkleShinyGlitter Sun 29-Jan-17 14:11:14

I think sometimes new relationships ind us when we aren't really looking.

these days plenty of people have children from previous relationships it's really not uncommon. Plenty of men date women that already have children

Maybe focus on you for while? Spend time with friends, find some hobbies for when you do have every other weekend free.

Iusedtobedontcall Sun 29-Jan-17 14:14:05

I can honestly say I have never found a relationship when I wasn't looking and realistically that's not going to happen. I don't see my situation changing. My youngest is 7. I just feel lonely and tired. And I know it's irritational, but unwanted too. I just want to be loved.

Sizzledsticks Sun 29-Jan-17 14:15:15

Sounds like it would take the pressure off you if you put it to the back burner for a while. You've got so much on your plate at the moment and new relationships, while wonderful, can be very demanding of time and energy.

It may do you more good to spend any free time you have on yourself: doing things you enjoy, seeing friends you love, treating yourself.

Meanwhile there are lots of people who meet their forever after a bit later in life, when life is just a bit less stressful. Sending you an unmumsnetty hug OP. flowers

Iusedtobedontcall Sun 29-Jan-17 14:16:24

Thanks sizzled. I need a hug. I feel sad.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sun 29-Jan-17 14:23:12

I've been single nearly 8 years. I've tried to make a fewconnections with men, but they seem to ghost me after a while. It made me feel crap so I just give up. Last attempt was 4 years ago. I've retired my love life and just accept I'm romantically incompatible.

Sizzledsticks Sun 29-Jan-17 14:25:16

It's difficult to see a situation changing until it does OP. And you do sound a bit depressed, which doesn't help in trying to see the positives.

Don't know if this will help but it does seem like you're lumping everything together and it seems unmanageable. Maybe if you could take one thing that would make life just that bit better and change that. Then move onto the next thing and so on.

You sound very hard on yourself. Perhaps the first step would be trying to be a bit kinder to yourself.

Sizzledsticks Sun 29-Jan-17 14:27:36

By the way, just to show I'm not being a know it all, I know I have to clear my top landing (it really gets me down every time I go upstairs). So I promise to do that, if you promise to do one thing to be kind to yourself!

Iusedtobedontcall Sun 29-Jan-17 14:55:45

I'll try. I do have depression. I try to manage it (it will never completely go away). It flares up sometimes.

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