I had my second child, a little boy, 11 days ago. I have a 3yo DD and we've all been coping quite well considering!
My mum lives abroad, it's a very long story but in the last year she has moved back to the UK twice and ended up going back abroad as she's decided both times that's where she feels happiest. Quick background, both times she moved back its because she doesn't want to be with her husband, and both times she changed her mind and went back to him. There's a huge history that involves me and his treatment/abuse of me that I won't bore you with but if you knew the full story you'd think she was mad for going back. Me and her for various reasons have quite a fraught relationship, she is very controlling and critical and PA, I find a simple phone call with her very frustrating.
Anyway with DD she came to visit after DH went back to work, I figured it's best to have her here when I need help the most. When I was pregnant we agreed to do the same this time. We are also getting our garage converted into a sound proof office for DH to work in (he works from home) it's nearly finished just getting carpet fitted next weekend.
I messaged my mum to say she can come any time after next weekend, office will be finished. It means DH can work in peace as he's just using the spare room at the moment (my mum is very loud and has absolutely no respect for the fact he works from home, so it was important we got the office finished before she arrived as he really struggles when she visits).
It's her birthday next week and she replied to say that she really hoped she could be here for her birthday so I could get her presents and bake her a cake like she did for my birthday (my last was my 30th so she made a special effort I don't usually get a cake!). She said if it's not next week then it will have to be March as she has a few things coming up and then half term holidays are expensive to fly.
I rang her and she was very PA saying "I'm sure my grandson will forgive me if I don't meet him until he's 6 weeks old" 
and is also upset as she wanted to be treated on her birthday, she "made the effort for me on my birthday with a cake and she thought I could return the favour".
One of the reasons me and mum don't get on is because she has very old fashioned views about how a wife and mother should behave and I don't fit them. I'm shit at baking, and have no desire to bake. I told her that I'm crap at baking and anyway I'd have a 2 week old so even if it wasn't crap I didn't think it was fair to ask me to do that with a newborn. She replied by saying "he's not a newborn, he's 10 days old" when she came after DD was born, she was full of promises about cleaning, cooking etc but I ended up doing all of it and she moaned as she didn't like anything I'd cooked, afterall she was there to see her grand daughter, not to "skivvy after me".
Anyway now and again I get sick of the digs and I snap, and I did this yesterday by saying if she'd wanted to see her grandson sooner then she could have stayed in uk then she'd just be round the corner, but she chose to go back abroad and can't complain at me when she doesn't get her way with visiting (I was 6 months pregnant last time she moved back abroad).
I'm now in the bad books, but WIBU to say she can't come next week? I don't like being dictated to about when she visits, it's hard enough work when she's here and I find if I'm not assertive with her then I get trampled all over! And sorry but I think a demand to bake a cake is a bit childish, it's not a 'special' birthday, and I genuinely think she does these things for me in the first place so she can throw it back in my face later down the line!
AIBU?
To have said no to my mum visiting so soon?
CherryChasingDotMuncher · 29/01/2017 13:27
I don't think this is about the baby or the cake. Congrats on your baby 
and he's never going to know if his granny met him when he was 10 days or 6 months. Do what's right for you and what causes you the least stress.
I don't think you're going to change your mum's mind, so don't bother trying.
If you're in her bad books long enough then will the visit be postponed indefinitely? If so then I think I'd snap at her during every phone call just to make sure she stays where she is
Ignore the PA statements and take them at face value - "yes March would be a great time for a visit"
This. Let's face it, March is just round the corner and if she's going to be a hindrance rather than a help... And she expects you to bake her a cake when you've a (as near as dammit) newborn?
March it is then 
If you give in now you'll set the scene - stand your ground on the original dates then it's her choice if she comes later and that would be fine too.
Like pp said your son won't know any different and things will have settled down in your house so hopefully you'll be more resilient to her ways
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