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Unwanted presents

(17 Posts)
Wonderpants Sun 29-Jan-17 13:02:44

Every year my DH buys me jewellery for Christmas or birthdays. I know what I like jewellery wise and I make it very clear that I prefer to choose my own. I have asked him not to buy me jewellery.
Every year he buys me something that is completely not to my taste, and I either ask him to return it, or try and be a nicer person and put it away in my box of sorrow.
Once again, he has bought me something so far away from anything I would ever wear in a set that includes earrings. They cannot be returned (I tried).
I feel so upset that he doesn't listen, doesn't think- just picks something up without any thought as to whether I would like it, and doesn't care that it makes me feel completely shit, ungrateful and offended that he thinks that isy taste, every single time.
It is joint money, I could have had something I really wanted, but we don't have it to waste.
He thinks IABU!

Wonderpants Sun 29-Jan-17 13:03:50

Ha box of sorrow is a bit dramatic- I just looked at all the tarnished over priced silver in there yesterday and reflected how each one had upset me!

DJBaggySmalls Sun 29-Jan-17 13:05:46

YANBU, especially as its joint money. Its sad when our loved ones know so little about us.

But brace yourself for the influx of You Should Be so Grateful Wifey comments.

user1477282676 Sun 29-Jan-17 13:06:44

Sell it. Is it real? I would. And then I'd tell him.

BadToTheBone Sun 29-Jan-17 13:07:08

I wouldn't be happy either, I'd just ask for the cash.

PastysPrincess Sun 29-Jan-17 13:07:46


My husband and I have a system where I choose several different things I like and then he chooses what to buy me. That way I still get what I like and he gets to surprise me.

This is about him not listening to you.

AllTheLight Sun 29-Jan-17 13:08:14

YANBU. He isn't listening to you.

Wonderpants Sun 29-Jan-17 13:12:07

Yes, I think you are right. The issue is that he doesn't listen to me!
When I told him how I feel, he completely minimised it with, "it doesn't matter" and then stomped out with the dog when I tried to say it does matter to me.

FinallyHere Sun 29-Jan-17 13:18:03

Maybe it doesn't matter to him? What is he like in everything else?

HellYeh Sun 29-Jan-17 13:22:32

My DH does this too and it infuriates me.

It's always stuff he likes but isn't "me". After 12 years, I've started emailing him to links of things I do like and it seems to be working

Wonderpants Sun 29-Jan-17 13:28:53

I've bought stuff, we bought things together. It wasn't like there wasn't anything to give me.
I wanted a candle, and told him some I liked but left it to him to pick.
But no, he has to waste money on fucking pandora! I'm annoyed as the kids let it slip that he had bought something in pandora, and I'd said this stresses me and I don't want anything from Pandora before the day. He had it gift wrapped so maybe they might have taken it back if it hadn't been unwrapped. But he 'forgets' you can't return earrings!

Ilovecaindingle Sun 29-Jan-17 13:35:26

Sell unwanted stuff on ebay and buy things you do like. . I feel your pain. My exh spent a fortune on a cycle for a Xmas gift for me one year. . . I was 6 months pregnant..

DoomGloomAndKaboom Sun 29-Jan-17 13:36:18

Regift the jewelry. To dh.

Seriously though, what do you do for him on his birthday and for Christmas?

EweAreHere Sun 29-Jan-17 13:48:21


You should tell him how sad it makes you that you have asked him repeatedly to not buy you jewelry because you have a particular style that he doesn't seem to/want to understand, and yet he's still buying you jewelry. Jewelry that you don't like, won't wear, and often can't even return to buy something you do like. With JOINT money.

He is wasting YOUR money doing this. And hurting your feelings because he's your DH and can't be bothered to listen to his own wife and honor her feelings, which she's entitled to.

He's making this about him. He shouldn't be. It's about your relationship, and what he's doing says volumes about it.

Islacornx Sun 29-Jan-17 13:54:53

I know your DH needs to listen to you but how old are your kids? Do they know what you like or wouldn't like and are they able to sway him into not buying something they know you'd hate and pick something they know you would like?
My DF was always like this, picking awful jewellery for my DM that she just would not ever wear so I used to go with him to pick out her presents and try my best to make him know that she wouldn't like x but would prefer x instead smile

IrregularCommentary Sun 29-Jan-17 14:11:16

Yanbu. Gifts are about the recipient and supposed to make them feel loved and special. What he's doing does the opposite. As you've told him this, I think he's actually being really disrespectful and it'd really upset me too.

CripsSandwiches Sun 29-Jan-17 14:25:39

YANBU. that sounds incredibly irritating. He could at least get you a voucher to choose something yourself. Why does he say he does it, knowing you don't want it? I think if it happened multiple times so obviously wasn't just an error of judgement I'd just insist he returns it everytime.

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