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To think he's messaging because he fancies me

(19 Posts)
officegall Sun 29-Jan-17 12:53:52

Yikes that sounds like something out of a teen magazine.

But I'm curious.

I met a guy at work and we had a good laugh at work. He had a girlfriend so to me it was a safe friendship that both of us knew wouldn't go anywhere. He did confide in me that things weren't going well with his girlfriend but he was trying to make things work. While I was friendly I was never flirty so he would not have mistaken my actions for me having interest in him (I hope not anyway).

So our jobs come to an end and we start working in different places. He asks o add me on facebook and we go our separate ways. I did not expect to stay in contact.

A few weeks later he splits from his longterm girlfriend and four months later is dating someone new which he has up on facebook.

I haven't liked any of his posts or initiated any contact as I considered us more work colleagues than friends eventhough we got on great at work.

Anyway, he keeps messaging me on facebook asking me work related things. A typical message will be: Hey. How are you getting on? Have you heard of (insert subject here) assessments? Have you done any?

I will then reply without asking him anything or asking how he's doing. I wondered if this was rude so now I do ask how he is doing back.

He messages about once a fortnight regarding work and asking how I'm doing. I just don't really believe he needs that much help at work. And he has over 20 former colleagues on his facebook that he could message but none of them have heard anything from him. There are two female colleagues who have made it quite obvious they like him but he doesn't respond to them unless they message him and then he only gives a short reply.

So do you think he might fancy me and is trying to initiate contact? I don't usually jump to conclusion like that but I just don't believe he really needs to know the advice regarding his job. Maybe he only means to stay friends. I just think it a little odd.

I never showed him any interest and have since lost 3 stone since I left the job so maybe he is attracted to me now when he wasn't before.But he has a girlfriend since he split from his long term partner. I just don't know.

What do you lot think? If he's trying to chat me up I would rather limit the interaction with him slowly.

Strongmummy Sun 29-Jan-17 12:57:21

He probably fancies you yes and wants to sleep with you. If he was serious about dating you he'd have contacted you after his break up and wouldn't have a new girlfriend. He's doing what most men do....keeping his options open!!

SaucyJack Sun 29-Jan-17 13:00:30

What answer do you want us to give you?

If you're genuinely not interested, just block him. Life is too short to spend it worrying about how former colleagues that you won't ever see again use FB.

ChicRock Sun 29-Jan-17 13:00:42

He only contacts you regarding work. I don't see how you can read much more into that confused you're a useful contact for him to have for any work queries.

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu Sun 29-Jan-17 13:02:07

Yep - keeping you on the back burner to stroke his ego. He is not serious about you.

SundialShadow Sun 29-Jan-17 13:16:14

You set the precident for of answering his queries for him, this may be exactly as it looks - he sees you as a useful source of free advice.

SoleBizzz Sun 29-Jan-17 13:20:30

Perhaps he has slept with the female colleagues you can see are keen with their Facebook activity upon his page. ..

Sugarpiehoneyeye Sun 29-Jan-17 13:50:56

Congratulations on your weight loss OP, well done !
He's a chancer, just block him, and have done.
Get out there, and find yourself a nice boyfriend.

Teaholic Sun 29-Jan-17 13:54:57

I agree that men like options. They can be interested in you but interested in you in the context of an option. If they want you to be their gf they make a bolder move.

I called a guy out on throwing me breadcrumbs a while ago ''happy xmas'' he said to me. I replied! Then ''happy new year xx'' and I replied. Then eventually I said 'do you want to go out again or do you prefer seasons greetings on whatsapp''. I have not heard from him again.

Trills Sun 29-Jan-17 14:01:12

he has over 20 former colleagues on his facebook that he could message but none of them have heard anything from him

How do you know? Have you messaged 20 former colleagues to ask "is Steve messaging you?"?

SlankyBodger Sun 29-Jan-17 14:36:45

No, I don't think he fancies you. He's a friendly guy, who likes to keep in touch with people. It's networking.

RortyCrankle Sun 29-Jan-17 15:26:51

Hmm, sounds like he's killing two birds with one stone - getting the work info he needs AND keeping you on the back burner. If he fancied you, would he not have done something about it after his relationship ended? He now has a new GF so I don't think he does.

officegall Sun 29-Jan-17 15:54:12

I don't believe I'm a backburner. He knows I would never agree to date him because I don't see him like that. He's not a player or a bad guy, he's lovely, just not for me. I'm sure he's aware of that as I never flirted or gave any indication of interest. He knows I'm not into him in that way.

I'm glad you all don't think he fancies me. I was getting worried then! I just didn't want to be taken the wrong way by him.

I don't believe for a second he actually wants advice about the job. I think it's just he's quite a shy guy so that's the topic he feels comfortable staying in contact with. He's friendly but shy.

Bluntness100 Sun 29-Jan-17 15:56:44

I think someone who contacts you every two weeks to ask abOut work can't be assumed to fancy you, sorry.

Madlizzy Sun 29-Jan-17 15:59:05

I think he just likes you and values your opinion, without necessarily wanting any more.

officegall Sun 29-Jan-17 16:02:18

He always asks stuff I'm pretty sure he already knows the answer too. He's senior to me so not like I will know something he doesn't. Which is why I got a bit suspicious.

But you;re probably all right. I just got worried for a few minutes as he'd just messaged.

QueenMortificado Sun 29-Jan-17 16:05:54

Some people (men and women) just like the attention of contact like this

I don't think he particularly fancies you or needs your help work wise, he just doesn't have much else in common with you to talk about instead

Id stop responding, I will bet if you do he won't continue to message you

davidbrent Sun 29-Jan-17 16:27:59

If I'm messaging someone of the opposite sex who isn't an established friend I am interested in them. Otherwise I just wouldn't bother to initiate any contact.

davidbrent Sun 29-Jan-17 16:28:39

I know not everyone is like me. But I think it's true for most people.

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