To be hurt?(56 Posts)
Overheard couple of girls at work, who I perceive to be my friends, saying I was crazy - think this was a reference to me talking loudly/quickly/being a bit erratic during a post work drink as was tipsy and have been sleeping badly.
Had agreed to go shopping with one of them today and whilst she agreed yesterday, we didn't formalise arrangements and I haven't heard from her since. Feel upset and like she doesn't like me - not a big deal in the long run but at least make up an excuse!
I think you're over thinking
Text your friend and ask her if she is still in for shopping
Were they being light hearted as in saying you were fun-crazy or being bitchy and derogatory? If it's the latter than they not your friends at all and you're well rid!
Sometimes you just find out who your friends really are (or aren't).
It is hurtful, for sure. Distance yourself now that you have seen their true colours. Communicate just as you need for work, but less on the office drinks and "banter".
If they ask why then tell them bluntly and watch them squirm.
I don't know - I just heard one saying to the other "she's crazy" in my earshot and giggling. When we go out together we do drink too much, and I say strange things etc. Recently had a night out with one where I did seem crazy - had v little sleep night before and burst into hysterical giggles for a long period - it was weird and has never happened before (lasted for like 40 mins), and I'm embarrassed she saw me at my most vulnerable like that!!
Just text her and ask if shopping still on.
As for the crazy, it's a horrible word, but yes, giggling for forty mins does seem a bit concerning. Do you feel ok, or are you concerned about your mental health?
I'd had a ridiculous amount to drink in a very short period and barely any sleep the night before - hoping that in that context, it makes more sense. Also been under a lot of stress at work. But surely the right response would have been to ask if I was ok, not dismiss me as crazy?
We have known each other for 5 months now, so long enough for them to know I'm not normally/always like this, surely?
Yup sort of - I decided to condense the issue as wasn't getting a great response on chat - will ask for the other one to be deleted!
It sounds like you need to limit your drinking when out with workmates. If one of my colleagues giggled for 40 minutes and was acting erratically, it would make things pretty awkward in the office afterwards.
Fair enough. They're more friends than colleagues (at least that's what I thought) and it wasn't in a work drinks context. Also I wasn't doing it on purpose! But yeah point taken!
Remember what Alice said to the hatter,
All the best people are
And that Einstein was called crazy, as was Columbus when he said the world was round!
You were giggley and hyper when tipsy and overtired. I know plenty of people who have been there 100 times or more including myself. I'm frequently called crazy by my friends as much as people who don't like me. Don't be embarrassed, they have shown you that these two aren't the sort of friends you want anyway, and that is their problem not yours. You can hold your head up high and move on, I know it hurts now, but you really don't need toxic people around you, and when you distance from the ones like this, the truly special people step forward and you end up with friends worth a thousand times more. (although they may be utterly bonkers )
Thanks I'm not sure how it was meant tbh but if I'm honest, it's going to be very difficult for me not to see them/spend time with them. Impossible actually - we work together, we study together - it won't be easy. If I just try and act kindly but professionally from now on, do you think that willl stop adding fuel to the fire? I'm not sure if it's too late but for my own dignity I want them to reconsider their opinion, and I'm not sure how I can behave in order for them to do this.
If you've only known them for 5 months, then they won't know you well enough to decide whether or not you need looking after when you get into that state, and people don't like their nights out being commandeered by someone who overdrinks and needs taking care of.
I sound like I'm being harsh, but if you want to continue friendships with these women, then dial down the drinking to point where you behave normally. They're probably a bit freaked out, and don't know how best to deal with it.
To be fair, it sounds like you were more than tipsy. It's hard to work out if this was more than one occasion, but basically if you can't handle your drink and behave erratically then it's up to you to change your behaviour, not expect them to look after you.
Don't drink to that extent OP. Especially not with work colleagues. 5 months you've known them...that's not friendship.
I'd had a ridiculous amount to drink in a very short period
well, they are not going to think very highly of you, then, are they.
what did you expect?
It could well have been meant as my friends mean it. Obviously we haven't got voice tone etc to go on. As PP have said tone down the drinking when you are with them especially when you are tired.
Also if you want to continue the friendship maybe next time you are talking to them slip it into conversation. Say something like "oh dear I don't know what got into me the other night, I wouldn't have had that last drink while I was that tired. Oops I was so embarrassed, it's so unlike me! Anyway, could we meet up on x day soon as we forgot about our plans? Maybe we should invite other friend aswell?" Big smile. Explains what was going on, opens it for her to broach the subject if she's feeling weird about it, and gives you a chance to move on and continue being friends?"
* When we go out together we do drink too much, and I say strange things etc. Recently had a night out with one where I did seem crazy - had v little sleep night before and burst into hysterical giggles for a long period - it was weird and has never happened before (lasted for like 40 mins)*
Yeah thats not a little tipsy, that is seriously weird behaviour that will make people very uncomfortable. Hysterical giggling in public for 40 mins....think about that, 4 mins would be weird and uncomfortable, 40 mins and I would be taking you home and seriously suggesting you speak to a professional.
You've only knows them 5 months and you have acted like this multiple times. It's not them being odd, OP, its you.
Right...they have been your colleagues for five months, so although you all get on well and choose to spend time together, it is a bit previous to think of them as friends.
5 months isn't long and if, within that time, you have behaved erratically on a couple of occasions (and 40 minutes of giggling must have been intense) it is natural they would find your behaviour unusual and remark upon it.
Fucking hell - got it. Yes it was the first time in my life that's happened. For context, I was plied with alcohol by people - double shots, whole bottle of wine, three cocktails etc. But yeah I do grasp that I'm odd, not them - thanks.
It's hurtful because she saw you in an embarrassing state and so you know there's good reason why she called you "crazy" (horrible word). I think you need to focus on your anxiety (which is causing your insomnia I'd suggest) and for the time being don't drink.
Fair enough, thanks all - does anyone have any advice on how I can avoid this happening again please (drink less, sleep more)? And whether there is any going back from it?
Also OP, you can always say no to alcohol. I would hope you weren't literally forced to drink!!
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