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To wish FIL would knock before letting himself in?!

(36 Posts)
CesareBorgiasUnicornMask Sun 29-Jan-17 09:55:26

FIL is lovely, and helps us masses with childcare, including covering awkward early morning half hours - eg when I need to leave at 7am, nursery doesn't open until 7.30 and DH won't get back from a night shift until 8. I really do appreciate it. What is driving me batty though is that he keeps using his keys to just waltz in, even though I've asked him not to. He says it's so he doesn't wake DS if he's still asleep, I've said that doesn't matter, please could he knock etc etc etc. He still does it. And he often arrives really early - as in 45 minutes before I'm expecting him - so I have on occasion been in the shower/ wandering round in a towel making coffee etc. We live in a flat and the bathroom and my bedroom are right by the front door, so if I need to grab clothes from the washing machine etc I need to run the gauntlet.

He's done it again this morning - we were expecting him at 10 to sit with DS for an hour while we go and install something in the flat we're about to move to. He arrived at 9 while we were both still in bed drinking coffee (admittedly at 9 we'd usually be up but we had a late night) with DS playing on the floor and just wandered into the bedroom and started chatting. DH sees no issue - I've asked how he would feel if my mum wandered in while he was wearing a towel or in bed and he just says it wouldn't bother him. But this does bother me! I don't know how to be firmer about it though without upsetting FIL. And I do generally really like him and appreciate all he does for us.

RoganJosh Sun 29-Jan-17 09:56:56

Could you leave your key in the lock/click it double locked/put the chain on etc?

StarryIllusion Sun 29-Jan-17 09:57:27

I'd start leaving sex toys around the flat. He'd soon learn.

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask Sun 29-Jan-17 10:01:25

If I remember I put the chain on but I don't always. And often he turns up before I've even thought about it because I require caffeine to think and haven't got that far yet.

Ohdearducks Sun 29-Jan-17 10:02:55

He doesn't sound very nice if he's completely ignored your request.
If he won't listen you'll have to find someone else to help.

happypoobum Sun 29-Jan-17 10:05:09

Well if you have a chain and aren't using it............................

GwenCooper81 Sun 29-Jan-17 10:05:35

Leave your key in the lock? Change the lock ( to one with a snib) and 'forget to give him a key?!
Or, yeah sex toys and lube by the front door! grin

Ohdearducks Sun 29-Jan-17 10:09:54

The thing is you shouldn't have to use the chain or put your key in the lock. He shouldn't be ignoring what you've asked.

Roomster101 Sun 29-Jan-17 10:10:15

I think that you need to remember to put the chain on or a lock in the door. If he is genuinely doing this innocently (I'm not so sure), he will hopefully automatically knock if he doesn't expect the key to work.

Backt0Black Sun 29-Jan-17 10:11:39

Another 'you have a chain ...' here

FannyUmbongo Sun 29-Jan-17 10:11:53

He just wandered into the bedroom?

That would be from me.

Lilaclily Sun 29-Jan-17 10:13:08

As you're moving into a new flat that is the perfect time to sort out the door / lock so he can't just walk in

CherieBabySpliffUp Sun 29-Jan-17 10:13:57

If you have a chain then why wouldn't you use it? hmm
Though he shouldn't be ignoring your request. Does he really need a key? Maybe when you move to the new place don't give him a key?

KingLooieCatz Sun 29-Jan-17 10:14:44

Put the chain on the night before then. Say someone you know got burgled in the night.

No, you shouldn't have to but if I was getting that much help with childcare I hesitate to rock the boat if there was another way around it.

Roomster101 Sun 29-Jan-17 10:16:19

The thing is you shouldn't have to use the chain or put your key in the lock. He shouldn't be ignoring what you've asked.

He might just be forgetting though if he has a key though as normally if you have a key to somewhere you use it rather than knocking. If OP uses the chain or puts the key in the lock he might "unlearn" that behaviour and start to knock.

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask Sun 29-Jan-17 10:24:54

I don't like putting the chain on at night when DH is working as I worry if he came home early for some reason I wouldn't wake up to let him in. But that is probably me being a bit irrational. I think he just forgets tbh - it's only every few weeks we need a couple of mornings help and it tends to go that the first morning he let's himself in, the second morning I put the chain on and when he's surprised reiterate that I'd rather he knocked.

Then three weeks later we hit that patch in our shift patterns again and it all restarts. hmm

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sun 29-Jan-17 10:28:20

Why can'y your DH use the chain once he gets home then?

Roomster101 Sun 29-Jan-17 10:28:36

I can see why you don't want to put the chain on if your DH is still out when you go to sleep but if you remember to put it on the other times, your FIL will hopefully start to remember.

KC225 Sun 29-Jan-17 10:30:46

Another one for using the chain. Then he will learn to knock

PigInMuck86 Sun 29-Jan-17 10:32:11

My FIL never knocked until he walked it to me coming down the stairs stark naked. He now knocks!

Batteriesallgone Sun 29-Jan-17 10:38:13

Umm you two were in bed with your child on the floor and he just walked in to the bedroom?

Did you not scream the place down and have a panic attack? Shit, I would have.

You need to do nakedness / sex toys (if he's a bit prudey) or over the top reactions to his presence.

It should to be subtle, not rude, as he's your childcare. So, shock and revulsion on him coming in your bedroom followed by effusive apologising once you're 'back to yourself again'. Preferably the apologising in itself would be so repetitive as to be a little cringe.

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst Sun 29-Jan-17 10:38:37

The FIL isn't going to remember to knock until OP's DH starts to back her up in requesting FIL knocks, regardless of the chain on the door.

DH sees no issue, so FIL sees no issue.

Perhaps DH needs to be reminded this is a respect issue, ie, OP's feelings should be respected equally to DH's. Doesn't matter if DH sees no issue, OP isn't happy and this should be respected. Her feelings do matter on this.

iamavodkadrinker Sun 29-Jan-17 10:39:16

Stop using him for free childcare and change the locks.

AnnieAnoniMouse Sun 29-Jan-17 10:40:35

Does he ever turn up on days you're not expecting him?

If he does, then you need to have Firm Words, if he doesn't, but just lets himself in on days you're expecting him, albeit earlier than planned, then I think you need to plan around that.

It's coming across that you don't want him there a minute before he is going to look after DS, tbh. I think if he's babysitting from 10, then arriving at nine for a chat & a cuppa is perfectly acceptable.

He's lovely, he helps you loads - mind you don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Sun 29-Jan-17 10:41:16

He walked into your bedroom whilst you were in bed? shock

YANBU, put that chain on immediately!!

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