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To want a break from it all

(18 Posts)
Grrrrlife Sat 28-Jan-17 18:24:26

Love my kids...but sick of parenting. I work 3 days a week and have 2 dc 7.5 and 4.5..do all before and after school/nursery care and also the 1.5 days when 4yo isnt at nursery...plus all the ferrying around to clubs...chores....the admin...finances...hols...clothes n food shopping. Dp leaves at 7am and back gone 7pm 5 days a week (long commute..main breadwinner). i am in local dead end but child-friendly job (used to have career but got made redundant after dc 2). Just feel like its all so boring and relentless (bloody paw patrol...and endless laundry). Dp does a few set chores and helps on weekend but of course needs instructing (despite moaning about this, is unable to do anything without instruction). We are always skint but in real terms doing ok.
But I want my life back!!
I am very friendly with school parents and do get out, but all my old friends remain childless...and have lost many.
AIBU...this is such a first world problem... grateful to have 2 beautiful kids...but gawd after 8 years I'm bored as every waking minute is not my own....
Dp has challenging job and says I've got envivable better position! This is causing a lot of tension.

I feel like going away for 3 days (on credit card!) on school week days so he can see how shite it actually is doing day after day!

(Any ideas on where I can actually go on my own? I already spend too much time without anyone decent to speak to!)

Tell me AIBU and I should just suck it up!?

CheshireDing Sat 28-Jan-17 18:39:09

I hear you. Looking after little people is like working on a 24 hour cafe for no money and rude customers grin, constant food requests and cleaning !!

I think your DH thinks you have the better option purely based on grass is always greener theory.

I go back to work soon after ML No3 and then I will wish I was at home more, now I wish I could sleep alone for a week smile

Sorry not very helpful, what about a couple of days away alone somewhere cheap, just somewhere with a nice warm pool, food on tap (that you don't have to cook etc). Could it be your birthday present ?

Talith Sat 28-Jan-17 18:41:18

I have gone away on my own to stay sane. Local nice hotel in our city for an overnight break when they were teeny. Beach hol for 5 days for my 40th with my sister in Greece. Saved for 8 months for that. Another 5 day away last year for work (did not have to but it was New York).

So yes. Fucking grab it. Choose a break. Spa or city break. Beach or bumfuck nowhere. Save if needed and savour the space. You sound like you really need a break.

liz70 Sat 28-Jan-17 18:46:57

"bumfuck"

What people get up to in private on holiday is their business entirely. #hoicks bosom

Grrrrlife Sun 29-Jan-17 06:43:20

Thanks!

'24 hr cafe with no money and rude customers' made me chuckle. Sooo true.

Please tell me it'll get easier when they are bit older and both at school?? Feel like I am hanging on till sept...

Downstairspoo Sun 29-Jan-17 06:45:54

Bumfuck lol

Will you have any time at home on your own when DC are both at school?

Oysterbabe Sun 29-Jan-17 06:47:25

Do you have any family that could take the kids for a few days? Maybe you need a weekend together to help you reconnect.

Charlesroi Sun 29-Jan-17 06:51:32

Could you do some kind of residential course related to an interest (or with an eye on future career opportunities)?

OldBooks Sun 29-Jan-17 06:52:52

Do you ever have the chance to do anything for yourself? A hobby, an exercise class, coffee with a friend? Carve out even an hour a week to get time to yourself. I have started jogging slowly running and the best part is the hour of peace and headspace it gives me! Yes it means an hour not doing admin/housework etc but it is necessary for sanity

grobagsforever Sun 29-Jan-17 07:43:54

Sounds like you have massively compromised your earning potential and opportunities for intellectual stimulation whilst your husband has made no sacrifices. I'd get back to your career job ASAP. DH can request flexible working to help with some drop offs or pick ups.

You can't carry on like this. You will get more and more resentful and will be stuffed if anything happens to your DH or marriage. Urgh. Why do women always end suppressing their own needs while men carry in as before?

NavyandWhite Sun 29-Jan-17 07:48:04

Once a week or more if you can do something for you. Pilates, yoga, coffee with friend, cinema - anything you want.
And get DH to help you more.

RNBrie Sun 29-Jan-17 07:54:24

My dh and I had this exact same conversation this week. I'm on mat leave with dc3 and there isn't a single waking minute I get to myself.

He took Friday off work and did everything from school drop off till tea time, I just had to turn up when the baby needed breast feeding (she has a good routine so it was easy to schedule). It wasn't total freedom but it was really nice and I think it helped him get a bit more perspective on my days.

I want to go back to work after mat leave, I do three days a week but with a long commute. It's well paid, in the city, but not really a career job since I had dc. I thought i wanted to get a dead end child friendly job but that doesn't sound like the answer either.

Grrrrlife Sun 29-Jan-17 08:06:34

Thanks

I am thinking about doing couch to 5k...but its quite cold at mo! And not a massive break imo!

My dp's opinion is he's sacrificing time with the kids for a career. So no one's happy! Companys just arent as flexible as they make out. For example a team meeting is scheduled 4-5.30pm every friday. Wtf!?

redexpat Sun 29-Jan-17 08:11:49

Im going to recommend a book called How to do everything and be happy by Peter Jones. It is a collection of strategies for working out how you want your life to be and how to get it to be like that. It really helped me, it might help you too.

Grrrrlife Sun 29-Jan-17 08:33:04

RNBrie

I went back 3 days after ML, also in the city then got made redundant (not unconnected). It is impossible to find new roles on 3 days. If you leave be prepared to have to take a drop. I can't get back now. The first year was ok, but after a few years the reality sinks in. How do you re-train when you have no time or energy?

Redexpat

Will definitely check that out.

RNBrie Sun 29-Jan-17 08:33:50

@Redexpat - can you elaborate a bit on how it helped you? I don't have much time for books so I'd like to know a bit more before I embark on trying to read it!!

Op, will couch to 5k make you feel good or just feel like another chore?

I know several women that have given up big careers and now have "little" jobs (their words) and none of them are really happy. It's a big sacrifice if you've given up a proper career.

redexpat Sun 29-Jan-17 20:46:05

Sure! It gives several stategies for getting a better work life balance, changing your life for the better, and feeling happier with your lot. I dont use all his strategies - he recommends a boxing day every month where you do whatever you fancy doing. I dont do that, but I have put a limit on how much we do at weekends so I dont get so burnt out.

I have a happiness board where i stick mementos from trips out during the year. It serves as a reminder of what ive done.

I have 3 areas that I work on, my now list (how I want my life to be). Having a good home life, doing well at college and having the arts in my life. So I have broken them down into countable goals. Eg I am participating in 5 cultural events this year. I have done a choir weekend this month. Next weekend I have time to see what is on at local theatres, museums etc. But I have made time to research.

I also aim for 2 trips a month with the dc because I want to be a fun parent. In previous years I have set goals for things like reading certain parenting books, setting up savings accounts, appointing a legal guardian by a certain date.

I also have a wish list (bucket list) of things i want to do (crystal maze experience), places i want to go to, music I want to hear or perform (eg I want to sing at the royal albert hall), shows I want to see. Im not really in a position to do them now, but I have researched some of them and have a loose plan for a week in london at some point. When I get a job and start earning I will set up an account and save a little each month to enable my lonndon week, my family australia trip etc etc.

I suppose it really helped me try and think of ways round hurdles I was facing. Eg its tough to get out of the house in the evening to sing once a week as I have 2 small children and live rurally, but i have become a member of an umbrella organisation for choirs that does weekends here and there. It is easier for me to get away for a weekend once a year than every thursday night.

Grrrrlife Mon 30-Jan-17 16:52:22

I've ordered a used copy (under 4 quid inc postage!)
I normally hate self help but its got good reviews...AND dp is a bit of a sucker for business style book so maybe he'll read it!

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