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To suggest reasonable visiting regime?

(38 Posts)
Jenbob13 Sat 28-Jan-17 17:53:34

Ok, just want to check that I am not being a total diva here before I open mouth and stick foot straight into it.

I am 36 weeks + 1 day preggers, work 40
hours a week (trying to squeeze as much mat leave in as poss!) and generally feeling the third trimester grumps of tired, backache, can't sleep etc. I am also spending a lot of spare time at the hospital visiting a much loved family member who has an inoperable brain tumour and who is deteriorating each day.

My issue is this:
My DBIL, his wife and manic toddler (my darling niece) come round every bloody Saturday night from like 6pm - 10pm (yes, they are arriving shortly) for a general visit. AIBU to ask if they wouldn't mind maybe popping in on an afternoon or night through the week? I know I sound like an unsociable pig but my Sat nights are sacred to me, for binge eating curry wearing jogging bottoms with said curry stains on and watching absolute shite on the tv, not running round making endless rounds of PG tips and making conversation with a woman who i'm fairly certain has hypochondria.
I know I can kiss ass goodbye to my sacred Sat nights once my LO is born but i'm ready for that, and at least I don't have to change my joggers and put a bra on.

I have asked DH to drop hints at them but he just thinks i'm being unreasonable.
So just wondering if i'm being a total cow before slipping into convo tonight that next week would be better for me if they come during the day?
Its not even like they ask if we are busy, they just ring DH and say "be at yours in 10 minutes".
So AIBU?

DappledThings Sat 28-Jan-17 17:58:04

Definitely not unreasonable. Surely better for them too. Shouldn't the toddler be in her bed?

Oscarpebbles Sat 28-Jan-17 18:06:38

You are not being unreasonable . This would piss me off too. And why are you running round making tea in your condition and not DH?

If DH refuses to consider your feelings I would take myself off to bed (with curry) and tell him to make tea and entertain dear BIL, hypochondriac SIL and the manic toddler, who should be in bed way before 10 o'clock anyway.

Ilovecaindingle Sat 28-Jan-17 18:13:12

Quick text to either of them. . 'As I am now struggling to stay awake after 8 pm our nights in will have to be afternoon tea for the foreseeable future!! See you next time Sat!'

ExplodedCloud Sat 28-Jan-17 18:16:36

Every Saturday night? Good Lord I couldn't be doing with that. Yanbu.

Jenbob13 Sat 28-Jan-17 18:17:13

Thank God! I thought I was being a cow of the first degree and feel a bit liberated by this support. DH is crap at entertaining guests, I'm always more aware if someone has been sat with a dry cup for a half hour whereas he would let you sit there spitting feathers for a good day lol. God they are here. Kill me now.

Bubblysqueak Sat 28-Jan-17 18:19:41

Take yourself off to bed . Pregnancy is one of the few times you can be selfish and not feel guilty.

JennyOnAPlate Sat 28-Jan-17 18:20:40

Tell them you're exhausted and need an early night. Retire to the bedroom and don't come out again til they're gone!

Walkacrossthesand Sat 28-Jan-17 18:27:24

Why not take to your bed(room) pleading 36 week exhaustion, and leave DH to entertain them, make endless cups of tea etc? He might find you less unreasonable then...
When did they start this habit BTW?

Jenbob13 Sat 28-Jan-17 18:40:52

They started it about a year ago but not as
Regular (fortnightly or so) its only in the last 2 months its gotten to be a weekly habit.
Im dreading when the LO has arrived, because I know my tolerance for this shit will go down and I will end up throwing a full on bitch fit during a saturday night home invasion with a newborn grin

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Sat 28-Jan-17 18:43:55

I would do the same as PP posters, plead exhaustion and go to bed with a good book grin

YouTheCat Sat 28-Jan-17 18:46:20

Tell them no. If your dh doesn't like it then why can't he go to theirs so you can have a rest from it all? Or why can't he get off his arse and make cups of tea?

It will be worse once your dc arrives. You will be more tired than you can imagine. You might want/need a bit of privacy and quiet with your newborn. I'd be saying it'll be an hour long afternoon visit once a fortnight from now on or no visit at all. You're the one who's pregnant and I'd bet you'll be the one doing the lion's share of looking after the baby.

Crispbutty Sat 28-Jan-17 18:47:05

Why can't your husband just go to their house.. Then you can have a lovely peaceful night to yourself grin

YouTheCat Sat 28-Jan-17 18:47:16

And to add, if he's not doing any work during their visits then he doesn't get a sodding say in the matter.

Talith Sat 28-Jan-17 18:48:40

Definitely nip this off. I couldn't cope with that even with bigger kids. Pregnant and with newborn seriously - too much - say you love them but can't host for the forseeable as you need to prep for your babe. Not a big deal really x

Catsick36 Sat 28-Jan-17 18:51:53

I'd be breaking that habit now. Stop making tea unless you want one then get husband to do it.

Stuffedshirt Sat 28-Jan-17 18:53:14

Dear me, I can't believe the liberties people take with our time and our hospitality. YANBU at all, this needs sorting asap. Use the excuse of your advancing pregnancy as a reason to stop it and don't let it start up again. Be assertive and take control of your life.

ChuckSnowballs Sat 28-Jan-17 18:56:49

Go to bed and leave him to it every week. When they mention it say 'yes, with working full time and supporting ill family member and being pregnant am pretty shattered.'

knackeredinyorkshire Sat 28-Jan-17 18:57:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Robstersgirl Sat 28-Jan-17 19:00:59

You're heavily pregnant you have the perfect get out of social occasions card. Telling the hypochondriac you are feeing ill should be enough to keep her at bay.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp Sat 28-Jan-17 19:01:25

They started it about a year ago but not as regular (fortnightly or so) its only in the last 2 months its gotten to be a weekly habit.Im dreading when the LO has arrived, because I know my tolerance for this shit will go down

They've set a precedence which is seen as 'normal'.
YOU need to take back control of YOUR space and time now before the baby gets here.
Otherwise if you only set down boundaries after baby arrives you will be met with accusations of 'pushing them out'.

i would have resented my saturday nights being taken over like this long ago.
DH can go round to theirs if he wants to hang out.
As for the endless cups of tea - either your dh does it or they can help themselves, they're family not guests.

coconutpie Sat 28-Jan-17 19:01:46

YANBU. At 8pm tonight, announce that you are exhausted and are heading up to bed and you'll leave them in DH's capable hands. Tell them that you won't be available for late night visits from now so visits will need to be earlier in the day and shorter.

Or I would say as you are heavily pregnant and exhausted, you no longer have the energy to entertain weekly visits so DH can pop 'round to theirs instead next week. Nip this in the bud now. I can just imagine how annoying it will be to have them visit for 4+ hours when you have a newborn, you'll go apeshit.

And why are they visiting at that hour every week with a toddler?!

Ghfst Sat 28-Jan-17 19:01:51

shockshockshockshockshock

Just no.

babyboomersrock Sat 28-Jan-17 19:09:00

DH is crap at entertaining guests, I'm always more aware if someone has been sat with a dry cup for a half hour whereas he would let you sit there spitting feathers for a good day lol

He needs to up his game before your baby arrives, OP - how convenient for him to be unaware of other people's needs.

On the other hand, if he's so useless as a host, leave them to his tender mercies tonight. They may not be so keen to come back.

Nquartz Sat 28-Jan-17 19:11:03

Agree that you should just take yourself off to bed at about 8pm, hopefully you have a TV in your room?!

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