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To ask how single parents manage and your circumstances?

(9 Posts)
dArtagnansCrumpet Sat 28-Jan-17 15:31:12

I'm so down today. My husband has just had yet another massive pop at me and i feel I've really had enough. My confidence is rock bottom. I can never do anything right sad

The thing is I don't work, one of my DC has been diagnosed with ASD and I have no idea how I'll cope. I don't know what to do.

Beth2511 Sat 28-Jan-17 15:38:12

im 2 weeks into single parent life with a 2 year old and 3 month old. ex was incredibly abusive and so far im finding life so much easier!

dArtagnansCrumpet Sat 28-Jan-17 15:43:36

Thanks Beth

Can I ask how you escaped? Did you move out? Do you work? Etc. I know id cope practically but don't know about financially.

ElornaElephant Sat 28-Jan-17 15:51:05

Can you claim DLA for your LO and carers allowance for yourself? You should also receive a disability element to child tax credit. It is do-able, it will be tight particularly depending on what area of the UK you're in but your husband will also have to pay child maintenance. It will be worth it, for the stress of moving on is far less than the stress you're under now. flowers

ChronicPainDaddy Sat 28-Jan-17 15:57:09

I'm nearly a year into being a disabled single dad to a 4 and 3 year old. Their mum left to be with someone else so the kids and I stayed in the family home luckily. It is hard, you have to provide all the care without fail even if your I'll (though obviously if you have supportive family nearby it helps). As Elorna you should be able to claim benefits to help you financially. Another thing to consider is that kids are very perceptive to tension in their home, they are likely aware of the tension between you and their father even without understanding why. After their mum left the behaviour of my eldest went from being challenging to her being a really well behaved little girl and I believe (and others as well including the behaviour specials we were seeing) it is down to there no longer being the tension in the house between me and their mum

dArtagnansCrumpet Sat 28-Jan-17 16:08:39

Thank you smile

Husband is currently upstairs sulking for something I've done

My son currently gets lower rate care DLA but that might go up when I reapply next year. So I don't believe I qualify for carers allowance.

Oh and I also have depression and anxiety which I don't think he helps with at all.

ChronicPainDaddy Sat 28-Jan-17 16:17:33

Carers allowance is for anyone who cares for another person for 30 or more hours a week so it just depends how much support your son needs.

I have depression as well and find it easier to deal with that without knowing that the person who is meant to be helping and supporting me is upstairs sleeping in late again, avoiding helping with the kids and planning their next night out. I found it far worse knowing that the person who should support me was in the house but not helping then being by myself and knowing I had to rely on myself.

It is hard being a single parent but can also be very rewarding. Just the other week after the kids had their weekend at their mums she commented about how well they go to sleep at night and I felt a little flush of pride as before she left they struggled with bedtimes but they've gotten good with me as their sole carer.

Beth2511 Sat 28-Jan-17 16:23:40

erm its a bit of a mess still. he did the final attack which broke the camels back, then he locked me out with one bottle of milk for 3 month old and nothing for 2 year old. because of the assault i went to the children centre next door and they helped me call police. been given a lot of help since and he was charged with assault and threats to kill.

ChronicPainDaddy Sat 28-Jan-17 16:34:39

Beth I'm glad you're getting support and the police are dealing with him, no one should be subjected to abuse of any kind. There is all sorts of support out their for parents in general and single parents specifically.

Homestart are good if you can find the local group for your area. They try and match you to a volunteer who will come and see you once a week for an hour or so, just to chat of that's what you want or to go to parent and child groups with you. Gingerbread is a group for single parents and they run groups around the country where single parents in the area can meet and support each other.

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