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AIBU to comfort my distressed baby?

(13 Posts)
Poorlybabysickday Sat 28-Jan-17 09:03:48

1 year old started nursery 3 weeks ago, 2 days per week. She's really not settling in very well yet, and is spending the majority of the time crying for me sad. This has resulted in her being super clingy at home, I'm presuming as she's feeling unsettled and scared due to the change in her life.

I'm therefore giving her lots of cuddles etc, but my husband feels that I'm making it worse for her and that I shouldn't pick her up/cuddle her so much, as he thinks this will make it even harder for her to adjust.

So AIBU to want to provide her with as much love and reassurance as I can on the days I'm with her, or should I be trying to get her used to not having me and ignore/delay my responding to her distress?

Note3 Sat 28-Jan-17 09:06:02

You're definately doing the right thing by cuddling her when she needs it. She has had her world turned upside down a fair bit by the separation and is looking for reassurance. She absolutely needs the comfort and you'll find this stage will end quite soon and she'll be a secure happy baby at home and at nursery

OhisHOME Sat 28-Jan-17 09:06:42

I'd keep meeting her needs but also maybe rethink nursery if she's really struggling maybe she'd do better at a childminder? Also maybe if the two days are together book her in for a 1/2 day at another point in the week.

SliceOfLime Sat 28-Jan-17 09:09:35

Of course YANBU. Cuddle her as much as you can! She needs your reassurance that you love her, even though she's now away from you a bit more than she's used to. Taking away that reassurance won't help, it will just make her more anxious.

Poorlybabysickday Sat 28-Jan-17 09:17:43

That's what I was thinking, that by delaying my reassurance/not providing any, that this would then make her even more anxious!

Squ1ggle Sat 28-Jan-17 09:20:35

I would do the same (and in fact I did). Don't let it put you off nursery, some kids take longer to adjust than others. The first few months were really hard but now my son legs it out of the car towards nursery calling the names of the staff and shouting 'nursery, exciting!'

Squ1ggle Sat 28-Jan-17 09:21:20

Also as she's only going 2 days a week she probably will take a little longer to get used to it all

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 28-Jan-17 09:26:40

Keep cuddling her. Otherwise she will become more and more clingy. Just keep cuddling her and comforting her as much as you can while you are with her. If your husband doesn't like it then he needs to get a grip.

Does she get dropped off with the same person every day at nursery? If not, that may help. Does she have a key worker?

I agree with a PP, on 2 days a week it may take her longer to settle.

Trifleorbust Sat 28-Jan-17 10:04:51

I don't think either of you is entirely unreasonable. Perhaps pick her up, give her a big cuddle and reassurance but then put her down again as soon as she isn't crying? Not all the time, obviously, but strategically. If she is going to be in a nursery setting she does need to get used to less individual attention from you and needs to feel secure that you are there for her even if you aren't holding her. Probably get myself a flaming for saying that confused

Note3 Sat 28-Jan-17 10:07:06

Each baby is so different. My third now does 3 days a week nursery and settled quickly. My second did three days and took longer as she was and still is a highly strung child.

Definitely ask nursery if you can have a specific person to hand to in the morning,have set routine with saying same phrase to baby as you're about to go 'bye bye mummy, see you soon' then your baby will associate it with you returning later. Don't drag out goodbyes though.

Has baby got a comforter? If not choose a soft toy, blanket or muslin and try to out it near her a lot at home and interact with her with it. Then it'll comfort her at nursery. You could stuff it down your top for a good few hours so it smells if you or give baby one of your tops you no longer want and that can become their comforter

Heirhelp Sat 28-Jan-17 10:08:57

It is NEVER unreasonable to cuddle a baby or child or an adult for that matter who wants to be cuddled.

Xmasbaby11 Sat 28-Jan-17 10:10:35

Definitely keep cuddling! At that age they understand actions rather than words so physical affection is so important.

Poorlybabysickday Sat 28-Jan-17 10:27:52

Thank you everyone

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