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To not use my mum who wants to provide childcare?

(202 Posts)
Revving5 Fri 27-Jan-17 22:34:24

I really don't know if it's unreasonable of me confused

DS is going to nursery for 3 days a week (he's 1) while I'm at work. My mum is absolutely gutted and says that she wants to look after him, I'm really grateful for this, but I really want him to experience what the nursery can offer (healthy meals, the correct stimulation, interacting with strangers, learning to play with children his age, etc.) I just think it sets him up well.

We go and see my mum all the time in the week (I see her pretty much every day with DS, so it's not like she doesn't see him) and she kindly has him if I have a doctor appointment, etc. and as lovely as it is that they spend time together, I don't really want it for those 3 days too, not saying she doesn't do a good job!! She's a great nan, but I just worry that it's not like nursery at all.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?

harderandharder2breathe Fri 27-Jan-17 22:36:20

Of course not

Read a few threads here where people have problems with "free" childcare that has so many strings attached and you can't object to most of what they do because it's free. At least with a nursery you're the paying customer and they are accountable

BobbieDog Fri 27-Jan-17 22:37:23

Yanbu but if she took him to lots of baby groups etc and did alot with him one to one that can be much more beneficial than a nursery.

rollonthesummer Fri 27-Jan-17 22:37:50

If she really want to look after him and you are happy for him to go there, why doesn't she have him for one day and then he goes to nursery for the other two? I have loads of friends who have done this.

gamerchick Fri 27-Jan-17 22:38:22

No. It's 3 days and as you say may be good for him.

Plus you don't have to factor in your caregiver being ill or anything else that might crop up.

Could you give her a day another part of the week? It's good when there's someone who can hold the fort if by chance you can't.

Wolfiefan Fri 27-Jan-17 22:38:25

Tell her you would love her to look after him. Arrange an evening out or (when you feel he's old enough) a weekend away. Schedule dates for her to have him.

Owllady Fri 27-Jan-17 22:38:46

I think that is fine smile stop worrying

llangennith Fri 27-Jan-17 22:39:35

Not like nursery at all. Much better. She'll give him healthy meals, take him to playgroups, play with him, take him to the park, give him one to one attention when he needs it and lots of cuddles.
And when he's 3 yo he'll go to nursery. That's when he'll benefit from it. Before that it's just childcare in an institution.

backtowork2015 Fri 27-Jan-17 22:41:00

Yes but you'd feel bad asking for babysitting and covering those docs appts and looking after him when he was sick so you could still work if she was committed to the 3 days on top. YANBU. She'll be delighted to help you out on an ad hoc basis this way.

Ilovecaindingle Fri 27-Jan-17 22:41:27

How about you tell her that you would prefer them to have a gc/gm relationship not a care giver one? Nursery can do the everyday stuff and she can do the special gm things when you spend time together.

Revving5 Fri 27-Jan-17 22:41:45

She doesn't take him to baby groups, etc. they stay in, maybe the odd visit to the park. As much as I have no issue with him going to her, she does want to do things her way, I don't normally have a problem but if he'll be there 3 days, I probably would begin to.

I take him to play groups on the days I don't work!

Ellisandra Fri 27-Jan-17 22:41:56

Just childcare in an institution? grin
Oh behave yourself.

Cherryskypie Fri 27-Jan-17 22:42:40

You're turning down free one to one care with someone he knows that loves him and you can trust 100% for 'healthy meals' and 'the correct stimulation'?

Revving5 Fri 27-Jan-17 22:43:05

I agree, if he's poorly, she would be happy to have him, she would also enjoy grandmother/grandson days out more I think.

alltouchedout Fri 27-Jan-17 22:45:58

He's 1? I'd take her up on the offer, unless there's some huge back story as to why you don't want her to. 1 is still so little, too little to benefit from any of the things you've mentioned as nursery plus points.

dustarr73 Fri 27-Jan-17 22:46:05

You're turning down free one to one care with someone he knows that loves him and you can trust 100% for 'healthy meals' and 'the correct stimulation'?

No she is turning down babysitting with strings attached.Plus they get much more out of a nursery that someone plonking them in front of the telly.

Ask her for 1 day,they you both win.

Revving5 Fri 27-Jan-17 22:50:49

Of course he isn't too little t benefit from nursery! I also like that I'd get reviews from professionals on how he's doing, etc. and be properly told about his day. Not just lots of cooing and "we had lots of fun" while directing it at him. When really it was TV and mini celebrations. Which again, is fine when spending an hour together but not 3 days a week?

Maybe I am being unreasonable though... Seems like mixed opinions.

KarmaNoMore Fri 27-Jan-17 22:51:14

How do you know she can trust them 100% for healthy meals and correct stimulation?

If my mother had taken care of DS, I'm sure he would have spent a lot of time watching TV and eating crap (she gave us balanced meals but when it comes to the GC the kids are ALWAYS right.

My MIL is a wonderful cook but, at that age she thought that it was ok for DS to play with all her very toxic oil paint pigments because they were "natural".

Both my mum and MIL have feed DS food he is severely allergic too, to prove us "wrong".

I can bet you he was safer and better fed than with these two. [At least the nursery followed my instructions]

KarmaNoMore Fri 27-Jan-17 22:52:35

Now the daily reports from professionals... grin

Revving5 Fri 27-Jan-17 22:53:42

Maybe a bit exaggerated grin but I'm just trying to explain that at least I'd know about his day and it wasn't some kind of secret "that mummy would understand"

Yukbuck Fri 27-Jan-17 22:54:07

At that age I think a 1 to 1 option is much better. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with nursery. But really it is just childcare. When a child is 3 that's when they benefit from nursery. I would definitely take my mum up on this option or at least let her have 1 day a week! If you're worried about him mixing then ask her to take him to toddler groups. I work in childcare and I love seeing grandparents with their kids at playgroups. The bond is wonderful

Revving5 Fri 27-Jan-17 22:54:16


clumsyduck Fri 27-Jan-17 22:55:12

Why not let her have him one day (saving you a couple of hundred pound a month into the bargain) when he's of pre school age up it to the three days ?

Revving5 Fri 27-Jan-17 22:55:50

There's no way I'd get her to a toddler group! "Pj days are much more comfortable and baby N enjoys those more than going out in the wet and cold" hmm

AndNowItsSeven Fri 27-Jan-17 22:56:06

He is to little to benefit from nursery, nursery will be fine, but one to one care for a one year old is better.

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