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To have blown my top with dh today ?

(21 Posts)
scatterbrain Sun 25-Feb-07 19:54:08

It has been brewing a while - like about 8 yrs !!!

He does very very little around the house, I work full-time and also do the majority of the school runs. I never get any time off to do things for me - I even get my hair done at home ! I can't even snatch an hour to shop for clothes - everything I do has to be on the internet !

Well - I'm 40 in a few weeks and he asked me months ago what I'd like to do - I said I wanted to have a lovely weekend away with all my real friends - and kids etc - and to have time to actually chat with my friends whilst the kids were occupied by the Dads ! I gave him a list of people and some links to a few cottage companies that do larger properties.

I discovered yesterday that he hasn't even looked at the links yet !

He also "won" at work an award which the prize was a week on a certain fantastic island - for one ! It never crossed his mind not to go although he was already booked to "help me out" a bit more that week as I have a very big exercise on at work and will be unable to collec dd from school on two of the days. I have told a few friends and family about this and every single one of them has said "Well he's NOT going is he ?" - but it had never crossed his mind not to go.

He also speaks to me like I am a stupid junior at work, he pushes past me to get where he wants to go and is generally rude and huffy all the time. He works hard I know, but so do I. I feel like I am living some 1950's esistence here - everything to do with dd and the house is my job, and he just does his work job !

What really p'ed me off finally was that last night at almost 11pm - when I was all but asleep on the sofa, he said he fancied sex ! I was amazed !!! He knew how knackered I was and we never have sex anyway !

I am very very fed up - I may as well be a single parent !

Is it me - I don't think so - but would like to know what you think !!!!

edam Sun 25-Feb-07 19:58:40

He sounds very selfish. I'd leave him with the kids for a weekend if I were you. Or preferably a week, actually, so he has to do the school runs. It seems you really do need to spell things out for men, so try pointing out he might get more sex if he pulled his weight so that you were not so knackered and fed up.

7weeksandcounting Sun 25-Feb-07 20:01:02

Book yourself a weekend away with the girls and leave him to it. Sounds like you need a break and time on your own.

Tell him how you feel without blowing a fuse and get your sex life back on track - it does make a difference. I felt like this last year and making time for eachother in the evenings really helped - even if just nice meal, wine and dvd.

Hope you work it out.

scatterbrain Sun 25-Feb-07 20:13:37

Yes - selfish is what he is - definitely. He seems to think he is still a single man - but we've been together almsot 20 yrs and married for 13 of them.

He will never put dd ahead of work - he does drop her off and pick her up when he can - but he could definietly make it more frequenbt IF he prioritised her ! I can't not prioritise her - I have a difficult and senior job too - but it's me who has to leave at 2.30 two days a week to get her from school.

I can't go on - I am so bloody knackered, then when I eventually get to bed I can't sleep for worrying about all my work that is behind and how badly I'm doing my job !

I really am thinking I'd rather be on my own with dd - at least then I wouldn't have the grumpy sod to look after as well.

7weeksandcounting Sun 25-Feb-07 20:28:47

You definitely need time to yourself to think - tell him this and book a weekend away

scatterbrain Sun 25-Feb-07 20:32:22

Thing is - where would I go ?

LowFatMilkshake Sun 25-Feb-07 20:33:26

Show him what you have posted on here! Its short and to the point and may just let him know you are not there at his beck and call and you are not happy.

I dont think you are being unreasonable at all.

scatterbrain Sun 25-Feb-07 20:33:26

Think he is trying to make amends - has just said he can take and pick dd up tomorrow ! Wow - big deal !!!

Too little too late and leopards don't change their spots etc....

scatterbrain Sun 25-Feb-07 20:33:57

I havde already said everything I posted to him ! That's why it's all blown up !

CurlyN Sun 25-Feb-07 20:38:44

Relate. ?

SherlockLGJ Sun 25-Feb-07 20:40:37

Where do you live ??

LowFatMilkshake Sun 25-Feb-07 20:40:52

In that case he needs to be taught a practical lesson. Why don't you book a night in a nice country hotel - or even a Holiday Inn (depending on costs) And then treat yourself at the nearest shopping centre. See how he gets on when youre not around!

scatterbrain Sun 25-Feb-07 20:41:08

Can't even be boethered to suggest it to him - he knows how I feel and hew knows why ? If he cares he'll sort himself out !

If not it's cutains for us I reckon !

I'm not sad - I just want it sorted now as it's making me feel ill.

7weeksandcounting Sun 25-Feb-07 20:43:04

Depends how much he intends to spend on you for your birthday - would highly recommend

Whittlebury Hall Hotel near silverstone
The Randolph Hotel, Oxford

Both lovely hotels which do spa packages - the Randolph is right in the centre of Oxford so you could do some retail therapy too!

Obviously depends where you live!

He clearly isn't listening to you - maybe suggest having a nice meal tomorrow night at home and talk about where things are going.

7weeksandcounting Sun 25-Feb-07 20:43:54

How does he feel? Does he think it is over?

LowFatMilkshake Sun 25-Feb-07 20:44:14

No SB - Just you go to the hotel so he can see how much you do when he's left to do it all!

scatterbrain Sun 25-Feb-07 20:45:49

Thanks - good ideas.

Sadly I don't want to have a nice meal with him, I am so angry that he has been so selfish. so angry that he would let me get this knackeered and not even notice let alone care.

I am off to bed now as I can't stand sitting in the same room as him.

Soudns a bit defeatist - but I kind of think it's up to him now. I've told him how I feel - his turn now.

scatterbrain Sun 25-Feb-07 20:46:23

No - he just thinks I was having a strop ! He thinks he is thoroughly good bloke !

mytwopenceworth Sun 25-Feb-07 20:48:29

well, you could leave if you feel you would be better off without him.

or if you feel there is hope for him, you could go on strike. he does nothing because you do everything. dont do his washing, ironing, cooking etc. clean only what you cant bear to leave and if he says anything tell him you are tired of being his servant and until he sits down and agrees a - rota or similar - you'll do nothing for him. and that sure as hell includes sex!

my mum has waited on my dad hand and foot for 30 years. he doesnt pick his clothes off the floor, leaves glasses, plates etc all over the house, cleans nothing, gets her to fetch everything for him while he sits on the sofa etc etc. she moans and huffs but DOES IT! i want to slap her so hard her face falls off! people treat you how you allow them to treat you.

scatterbrain Mon 26-Feb-07 15:55:42

Yep you're right. I have already reduced what I do for him though - if I reduce much further it will start to impact on dd - like she won't get picked up etc

Last night I was very childish and made myself some toast and tea and didn't ask him ! he's done that to me before !

I hate it though - I feel guilty !

He says he's not going on the jolly to the island now as he doesn't want to go anyway without me and dd - I don't mind him going - it's just the way that he ASSUMED he was going whereas if that was me I would have had to make so many arrangements for dd before I could consider it - and it would have been too hard so I wouldn't have gone !

He is so not an equal parent !

theprecious Mon 26-Feb-07 16:37:48

He sounds like a pain. Can you afford a cleaner so at least you don't have to do so much housework?

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