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to be pissed at DP for going on a ski trip when I am ill, knackered and have a baby that wakes to feed all night?

(34 Posts)
SaveMeTheWaltz Fri 27-Jan-17 14:39:09

DP has just left for a five day ski trip and I am fuming. We have an eight month old baby who still wakes to feed every 2-3 hours; this has been going on several months and I am close to cracking point. DP has already been working away from home for most of January, so I have been in sole charge of schlepping baby to nursery and four year old DD to school, doing a full day's work, collecting kids again, tea bath bed, feed all night, up at six and repeat the whole damn thing ad infinitum.
I know that I am being a little bit unreasonable, as usually DP is very hands on and care of the children is normally split equally (him working away from home is a new thing), but this month has been a very hard one and it would have been nice if he had felt able to forgo his annual ski trip this one year and let me get a little more sleep.

Hellmouth Fri 27-Jan-17 14:41:52

Well ... how far ahead did he plan and pay for everything?

HeyMacWey Fri 27-Jan-17 14:46:07

Yanbu - it wouldn't do any harm for him to have missed a year.

Does he know exactly how hard it's been this month?

Is the working away from home thing going to be long term? Perhaps some discussion about what you need to be able to facilitate this change in his job situation would be useful - ie changing your hours? Outsourcing as much of the grunt work as you can?

purplefizz26 Fri 27-Jan-17 14:47:08

If it's been planned for months then YABU, can't be helped, tell him when he returns you want some peace and time for yourself. It's shit but it's only 5 days, when he gets back you take a back seat for a few days.

If he has only booked it very recently and knew you were struggling when he booked it, then he is being unreasonable and I would be booking a spa weekend to start the day he got home smile

samG76 Fri 27-Jan-17 14:47:13

Skiers do need their fix. Can you take an equivalent trip away yourself?

Trooperslane Fri 27-Jan-17 14:49:23

Also thinking it's probably been booked for ages.

You do get the equivalent time back though!

WineIsMyMainVice Fri 27-Jan-17 14:52:50

I feel for you. Yanbu.

Cuppaand2biscuits Fri 27-Jan-17 15:04:13

Oh no that does sound shit but he's gone now. Have yourself the most simple of weekends, easy lazy meals will be fine.
Don't be cross, it's a waste of energy and it's not going to change anything.
Plan for a big chat when he's home, tell him exactly how exhausted you are and tell him you need a rest.

Givemestrength12 Fri 27-Jan-17 20:41:25

He's mean, I'd be seething....

SparkleShinyGlitter Fri 27-Jan-17 20:44:37

If it's been booked for months and as you say he is a hands on dad generally I wouldn't expect him to cancel tbh.
When it was booked he wasn't to know you'd be ill and tired

If he booked it last week then I guess it's a bit different

maisybobbins Fri 27-Jan-17 20:44:37

I'd happily wave him goodbye on his trip and immediately find out which girls fancy a weekend at a spa / skiing / London / center parcs... you both deserve the break. Well you more obviously - get planning! The little ones will be fine without you for a weekend. DH can enjoy some special bonding time with his children too... ha!

throwingpebbles Fri 27-Jan-17 20:47:33

That's what my exH did. Emphasis on ex

limitedperiodonly Fri 27-Jan-17 20:48:11

YANBU. I don't care how long ago it was booked. Things change. He should have cancelled. I notice a spa weekend has been mentioned as a retaliatory strike. Good fucking grief.

MummyToThree479 Fri 27-Jan-17 20:48:19

When was it booked? If it's been booked months I wouldn't expect him to cancel and him going wouldn't bother me

I am booked for a week in Rhodes with the girls in August and if dh had a virus or was tired I would still go as it's been booked 10 months!

FurryGiraffe Fri 27-Jan-17 20:48:37

Umm, if the baby is feeding several times a night the OP is hardly in a position to bugger off for the weekend, is she?

OP, I feel for you. Also have an 8 month old who's up a lot and I'm bloody exhausted. If DH told me he was sodding off for 5 days he'd probably find the locks had changed when he got back.

Pinkheart5915 Fri 27-Jan-17 20:50:14

Unless he only booked it last week I wouldn't expect him to cancel, just in the same way dh wouldn't expect me to cancel if he was ill or tired.

trixymalixy Fri 27-Jan-17 20:51:35

Hmmm, I understand your point of view as it can be hideous not getting any sleep.

If he booked it without consulting you then yanbu, however if he booked it with your blessing then yabu.

You are owed big time when he gets back. Hand the baby to him and go for a sleep.

lk26 Fri 27-Jan-17 20:53:38

Mine buggered off on a skiing holiday for a week when our baby was 6 weeks old.

Mrsrochesterscat Fri 27-Jan-17 20:59:52

I think with a baby not sleeping, a school run and working full-time is the sort of occasion where part of the deal of DH going on holiday is for him to organise a temporary nanny/home help.

mambono5 Fri 27-Jan-17 21:00:02

As above, it depends when it was booked. In real life, not everybody is keen on losing the price of a flight + rental + possibly ski pass if already paid for. Travel insurance doesn't cover a tired partner (sorry OP, I don't mean to imply you are unreasonable, sleep deprivation is hell, people don't understand until they go through it).

If he booked the whole lot last week, you need to have a serious chat.

You both need to book a few days off at the same time when he is back. You can feed the baby, but at least give him the rest to do. If you are waken up every 2 or 3 hours but still manage to hold a full time job and a toddler, you are doing an amazing job.

2rebecca Fri 27-Jan-17 21:00:26

Insufficient info to say if he's unreasonable or not.
If you agree to the trip months ago it's too late to moan now as the baby isn't an unexpected thing. ? Discuss sleep training with the health visitor as baby shouldn't "need" 2-3 hourly feeds at 8 months

Kleinzeit Fri 27-Jan-17 21:04:54

If it's been booked for a long time... and he goes every year... and he's generally a hands-on Dad... then I'd say OK he goes this year as well... BUT now he owes you, big time.

He owes you some rest as soon as he gets back AND a trip of your own or other major fun event/treat whenever you are ready and want it.

NavyandWhite Fri 27-Jan-17 21:14:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishdiem Fri 27-Jan-17 23:36:54

Did you actually ask him not to go? If this was booked before the working away from home thing started do either of you stop to consider this trip back then?

I would say you are being unreasonable if you have just assumed he wouldnt go or have only decided now after he has gone that its a bad thing. He probably booked it after the child was born 8 months ago - did you attempt to stop him then? When the work changes come up before being implemented, did you ask him to stop the trip then? If you did and he still went then he is a mighty arse. If you have let him go despite all of this then it is on your own head.

You should book time away when he is not away from home to get some rest though and then you should be speaking about next Jan.

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 27-Jan-17 23:53:03

When was it booked?

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