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To take this birthday gift parcel directly the charity shop withouth passing go?

(49 Posts)
flamingnoravera Fri 27-Jan-17 11:42:32

It was my 55th birthday last Sunday. My dp gave me a bottle of Tom Ford Oude Wood- I love it. My 22 year old son hid some earrings in his room and called me to tell me to go into his little money box and find them- it was so sweet. My mum called me and told me there was a parcel of "goodies on its way". The parcel arrived today. Inside is a tight knit pastel striped sweater, a grey scarf that looks like a mantilla only not as nice and a peice of jewellery from Marks and Spencer. They all look like they came from the charity shop - none are to my taste and I will never wear any of them. She does this every year- one year it was a used bra that her sister had given her and she had passed on to me!

I will call her and tell her they are lovely. But I want to take them directly to the charity shop and not have to store them for two years before I then take them to the charity shop. They are not suitable for regifting as everyone I know would know that I would never buy such awful things.

I am not ungrateful- I know she wants to get it right but she has never given me anything I have liked unless I was with her when she bought it. I was joking with my dp the other day that the parcel would contain something dreadful and he was trying to get me to believe that this time it would be something beautiful, but no, it is all hideous. I know that if I became incapable of dressing myself and my mother had to help me, she would turn me out in a navy blue pleated skirt, a white broiderie anglais blouse and american tan tights with lace up shoes. My style is Cos for work and Anthropology boho for relaxing. I am 55 not 5 or 155.

I get her a huge bunch of lovely flowers delivered for her birthday most years as she has a wardrobe of navy pleated skirts and white blouses and needs no more. I would love flowers for mine. She has drawers full of cheap jewellery she never wears and she is trying to make my house full of her own crap.

Please tell me it is ok to take it straight to the charity shop without a second thought.

exexpat Fri 27-Jan-17 11:45:51

I would, without hesitation.

underneaththeash Fri 27-Jan-17 11:47:44

I would too, but just let her know that you would love flowers instead.

LittleBoat Fri 27-Jan-17 11:51:38

Personally, I hate being bought flowers.

I hate the whole kerfuffle of present buying as it's so easy to get wrong.

I wouldn't worry so much about it. If you really can't tell her they don't suit you, just take a picture of you wearing them (to show her if she ever asks) and then take them to the charity shop.

Can you drop heavy hints next year?

SmilingButClueless Fri 27-Jan-17 11:53:23

I'd take the presents to the charity shop - why would you need to hang on to them for 2 years anyway?

But, it sounds as though your mother is trying to do her best. The presents may not be to your taste but it doesn't mean they are "awful". I think we can all be guilty of buying presents we'd like rather than thinking of the recipient - are you sure your gift of flowers is to your mother's taste?

Somerville Fri 27-Jan-17 11:54:10

Of course it's fine to just take anything you don't like to a charity shop.

Just like your mother might hand over the flowers you buy her to a friend who can appreciate them!

Cheerybigbottom Fri 27-Jan-17 11:55:06

Yep, go ahead and give it into charity. My mum always sends me charity shop tat as Christmas presents and I just immediately put it in the donation bag. I stopped feeling guilt years ago.

Dropping present hints is no good because for some people it's just not important to put thought into a gift. Being seen to give something, anything, is enough.

Donate it, and forget about it smile

Pogolphin Fri 27-Jan-17 11:57:05

I would! In a little while I would tell her how sad you were that no one got you flowers.

pyjamasonbananas Fri 27-Jan-17 11:59:11

Absolutely! Marie Kondo changed my life on this - the present has 'done its job' by being given to you. Thank it, and send it straight on its way.

Boredbeforeievenbegan Fri 27-Jan-17 11:59:11

Do it!

GeekyWombat Fri 27-Jan-17 11:59:34

Do it. YANBU.

flamingnoravera Fri 27-Jan-17 11:59:34

She says she loves the flowers and as she usually has cut flowers and plants in the house I think she means it. But I will check next time.

ShotsFired Fri 27-Jan-17 12:04:00

Of course you can! Somebody, somewhere will be delighted you did so!

(For the first time this year, I got the thing I asked for. I am always asked for a list of things, but without fail, my family have always bought me a different version/size/colour/style to the thing I specified if not something entirely hideous and totally money-wasting, like, say, a novelty dishwashing brush I kid you not and I always feel a bit sad to be ignored. When I opened a box from a certain person this year I nearly cried when I saw they had simply got the very exact thing I had said I would love and I doooooo it is my precious!)

clairethewitch70 Fri 27-Jan-17 12:07:57

Do an Amazon wish list and drop heavy hints near birthday and Christmas.
Take the items to a charity shop if you will never wear them, just not one near DM. grin

Lemon12345 Fri 27-Jan-17 12:10:28

I'd take them straight to a charity shop. I can't do with keeping things around that I will never wear. But I would try to make sure they don't go to a charity shop that your mum is likely to visit.

You have my sympathies. My mum is the same. Even when I've told her the exact thing I want she ignores it and buys something else, or buys a cheap tacky name/model after saying she's fine to get the model I want (when I've for money towards it).

kitXi Fri 27-Jan-17 12:13:42

I would. You don't have to tell her you've done it! And it would be totally daft to hang on to them, taking up space, before charity shopping them anyway in a few years. It's not ungrateful, that would be if you handed them back and said "give me cash instead of this shit". You appreciate she wants to give you something you like, she just hasn't managed it this time.

flamingnoravera Fri 27-Jan-17 12:14:26

Lemon yes, mine too. Buys cheap versions of everything (even cars till she met her husband who refused to be driven in a 10 year old Nissan- he can't drive due to epilepsy) now she drives audis because he buys them for her to drive him!

ArcheryAnnie Fri 27-Jan-17 12:15:26

Straight to the charity shop with it all! It will make other people happy - both someone who likes it as much as you hate it and so buys it, and the people who benefit from the money the charity gets by selling it. And it's out of your house.

Win-win-win all round!

flamingnoravera Fri 27-Jan-17 12:21:28

That's settled then. Off to the Hospice Shop they go! I took a pic and tried to post it but although its showing on my phone as posted it does not seem to be here on the PC. Can you all see the pic?

jellybeanteaparty Fri 27-Jan-17 12:23:04

"Anthropology boho" lol...love this concept.
My DM is known for her somewhat random presents of a similar nature to yours.The whole family now get excited to see what comes and if it can match such classics we have received as ...a tin of sardines , football annual from 1976 and jumble sale blouses! I would pass on to charity and enjoy the eccentricity.

parklives Fri 27-Jan-17 12:25:00

Straight to the charity shop, no hesitation.
Your Mum sounds like my MIL.
I have a strict one in one out policy with the crap she buys (re-gifts) me as she seems to like buying me cheesy ornaments.
I wouldn't mind the crap I get, but when it's her turn for a pressie she goes out and buys herself a handbag etc she wants and gives us the receipt so we can pay her back!

parklives Fri 27-Jan-17 12:26:07

And yes op we can see the picture it does look like she has ram-raided a charity shop

Saracen Fri 27-Jan-17 12:29:27

YANBU to get rid of these unwanted presents immediately. Go for it. Take them to the charity shop at once.

YABU to describe the gifts your mother has lovingly chosen for you as "awful", "dreadful", "hideous" or "crap", even privately. Can you not imagine how hurt she would be if she heard you describing them that way? Your words aren't very likely to get back to her, perhaps, but it's a bad habit. Try to stop at "not to my taste". Or do you completely hate your mother and think she is deliberately tormenting you?

Even if your mum never finds out how you talk about these gifts, your husband may now wonder how you refer to his gifts when he is out of earshot. I am always uneasy when people say such unpleasant things, because I assume they may well talk about me in similar vein the minute my back is turned.

KoalaDownUnder Fri 27-Jan-17 12:29:54

This thread has made me a bit sad. sad

Maybe I'm a sentimental idiot, but my mum had serious surgery last week and all I could think was 'what if we lose her?'

I know it's just stuff, but she cared enough to choose it and send it to you with love.

dollydaydream114 Fri 27-Jan-17 12:30:10

I'm not sure whether your question is really "AIBU to take things I don't have any use for to the charity shop?" pr "What can I do to stop my mum buying me crap presents?"

If it's the former, then yes, of course you can take them to the charity shop; I don't know why anyone wouldn't. I always do - I don't really see why anyone would hang on to them.

If it's the latter then perhaps you could have a little chat with her before your next birthday/Christmas and say you've really got everything you need, you don't want her to waste her money and would just love some nice flowers or a gift voucher from now on. It is always tricky when you know the person giving you the terrible presents honestly means well, which it sounds like your mum does.

My mum generally asks for a list, which is good, but I will sometimes get a few extra things from her which are a bit random and, while nice enough, are just things I won't use or have no need for. Her problem is that she spots bargains or things that are nicely packaged and can't resist them because they would 'make a nice gift for someone'. She gets so much pleasure from giving people presents, though.

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