- I'm not actually going to be saying anything, but would like views on whether I should support my DMum in saying this, or suggest alternatives to her.
DDad is elderly and frail. He has a degenerative illness that in all likelihood is now in its final stages. He is mostly bedbound and has problems with continence. He is no longer able to wear his dentures and has real problems feeding himself. Although he has hearing aids, he struggles to listen to conversations, especially with strangers. His mind is also going- he has periods where he is not oriented in place and time, and even when he is lucid, he loses words and finds it very hard to hold a conversation. This is the very sad decline of a man who was always supremely intelligent, physically fit and very self sufficient and reserved.
I have a half sister and half brother from DDad's first marriage. They have adult children of their own. They have not been close to DDad since they got their own families, meeting maybe once a year if that. DDad does not really know any of the grandchildren, and would struggle to identify them in a photo.
His children and grandchildren have always been welcome to visit, but have never bothered.
DM let my siblings know last year that DDad was declining and suggested they make the most of visiting. It has only been since late last year that he has declined to the level described above. They have visited a few times since.
One of the grandchildren has been saying for several years now that she will come and visit, but has not done so, and several times has make and cancelled plans to come at the last minute, usually because she was going off traveling somewhere. She has now decided that she will come and visit.
She is a stranger to DDad. He will find it more stressful than enjoyable to have her visit. She will get little from it other than to look at an old man who is no longer capable of holding a conversation with her. DMum is at her limit caring for DDad and doesn't need any more work.
Is DMum BU to say that she shouldn't come and visit? Would I BU to have a conversation with my niece and spell it out that she has left it too late?