Ok so trying to keep this short as poss. I have a relative who 2 years ago had a heart attack and died, he was gone for 20 minutes so suffered brain injuries (he's mid 50's) he recovered thanks to the amazing care he received at aintree university hospital. He is a little bit 'not all there' (not to be offensive) he knows everyone around him and is aware but something is 'off'. His short term memory is very very very bad although he remembers years ago. I couldn't pin point a 'degree'.. Sometimes he remembers last week but not 5 months ago and sometimes it's the other way round.
He stays with another relative sometimes for a few days a week (not every week) and pays a set amount to the home every week (he was never placed in rehabilitation he was put into a care home that houses older people with dementia, Alzheimer's etc) he is the youngest there.
It's been brought to my attention recently that his care (or so I personally think) is disgusting. All his teeth r loose/crumbling and he cannot eat solids, this has been brought to the attention of the staff who say 'it's his fault for not brushing his teeth!'.. This is because they r loose and hurt, yet he has had no dental care even though they are aware. He also has these 'episodes' where he shakes (not fits) and 'zones out' and then cries hysterically once he 'snaps out of it', I have a family friend who is a senior nurse and thinks he may have a form of epilepsy due to the oxygen starvation, we have brought this up with the care home and they said 'he does it all the time' and have NOT investigated this further. There are a load of other things, he is unkempt, wears no socks etc (things that may seem minor) but there is no active encouragement from the staff for him to maintain his hygiene/appearance - they just point out how bad he looks and that he smells. The person who runs the care home calls when he is staying in said relatives and tell him not to forget the money he owes when he comes back! - he has never missed a payment, I just find it terrible that's he's being hounded for payment when he's not there (not that he wouldn't pay, but why not wait to raise the issue when he gets back?)
The biggest worry for me is, when I bring anything up about his care (the staff, the home, manager etc) he recoils and starts to blame himself. 'It's not their fault my teeth are like this it's mine because I don't brush them', ' it's not their fault I look like this I'm lazy' etc. I can't help but feel something untoward is going on? He most certainly is vulnerable, and if we could have him full time we would, but we can't due to children and work etc. He becomes very defensive when anything is said about them, even though he hates being there and It really scares me. I have lodged a complaint with the CQC who have corresponded back (very recent so the ball is just rolling)
AIBU to think something may be going on that shouldn't be?
Apologies for the long post
AIBU?
To be worried about care home treatment? (It's long sorry)
honeytreasures · 26/01/2017 21:43
Yanbu
Their attitude is horrible 
they know he looks unkempt and smells bad and has bad teeth but it doesn't sound like they've attempted to address the issues either by supporting him to do his own personal care or helping as necessary. And if he refuses to let them, they need to explain that to you when you ask about it, not just blame him but more like "we remind him daily at x time and offer to help/try to help but he refuses to let us or to do it himself so we can't do it against his wishes but we tell him to call us if he changes his mind and needs help"
Does he wash and brush his teeth when he stays with your relative?
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