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To be worried about care home treatment? (It's long sorry)

(32 Posts)
honeytreasures Thu 26-Jan-17 21:43:07

Ok so trying to keep this short as poss. I have a relative who 2 years ago had a heart attack and died, he was gone for 20 minutes so suffered brain injuries (he's mid 50's) he recovered thanks to the amazing care he received at aintree university hospital. He is a little bit 'not all there' (not to be offensive) he knows everyone around him and is aware but something is 'off'. His short term memory is very very very bad although he remembers years ago. I couldn't pin point a 'degree'.. Sometimes he remembers last week but not 5 months ago and sometimes it's the other way round.

He stays with another relative sometimes for a few days a week (not every week) and pays a set amount to the home every week (he was never placed in rehabilitation he was put into a care home that houses older people with dementia, Alzheimer's etc) he is the youngest there.

It's been brought to my attention recently that his care (or so I personally think) is disgusting. All his teeth r loose/crumbling and he cannot eat solids, this has been brought to the attention of the staff who say 'it's his fault for not brushing his teeth!'.. This is because they r loose and hurt, yet he has had no dental care even though they are aware. He also has these 'episodes' where he shakes (not fits) and 'zones out' and then cries hysterically once he 'snaps out of it', I have a family friend who is a senior nurse and thinks he may have a form of epilepsy due to the oxygen starvation, we have brought this up with the care home and they said 'he does it all the time' and have NOT investigated this further. There are a load of other things, he is unkempt, wears no socks etc (things that may seem minor) but there is no active encouragement from the staff for him to maintain his hygiene/appearance - they just point out how bad he looks and that he smells. The person who runs the care home calls when he is staying in said relatives and tell him not to forget the money he owes when he comes back! - he has never missed a payment, I just find it terrible that's he's being hounded for payment when he's not there (not that he wouldn't pay, but why not wait to raise the issue when he gets back?)

The biggest worry for me is, when I bring anything up about his care (the staff, the home, manager etc) he recoils and starts to blame himself. 'It's not their fault my teeth are like this it's mine because I don't brush them', ' it's not their fault I look like this I'm lazy' etc. I can't help but feel something untoward is going on? He most certainly is vulnerable, and if we could have him full time we would, but we can't due to children and work etc. He becomes very defensive when anything is said about them, even though he hates being there and It really scares me. I have lodged a complaint with the CQC who have corresponded back (very recent so the ball is just rolling)

AIBU to think something may be going on that shouldn't be?

Apologies for the long post

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Thu 26-Jan-17 21:52:48

What evidence do you have of mal treatment?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Thu 26-Jan-17 21:54:43

Ok. You need to take him to the dentist . Does he have capacity or us someone else appointed to make decisions on his behalf

mylittlephoney Thu 26-Jan-17 21:55:10

It does sound like neglect. Even if he is in a care home situation he should be encouraged and prompted twice a day to wash and brush his teeth. I know brain injuries are so complex and no two are the same. But in my carers opinion of get the shakes checked out it sounds like he's having a grand mal seizure (appologies for the spelling).
I don't think this home is doing him any good. Now i know their are few and far between good homes about especially close to family. But if seriously think about moving him.

harderandharder2breathe Thu 26-Jan-17 21:55:45


Their attitude is horrible sad they know he looks unkempt and smells bad and has bad teeth but it doesn't sound like they've attempted to address the issues either by supporting him to do his own personal care or helping as necessary. And if he refuses to let them, they need to explain that to you when you ask about it, not just blame him but more like "we remind him daily at x time and offer to help/try to help but he refuses to let us or to do it himself so we can't do it against his wishes but we tell him to call us if he changes his mind and needs help"

Does he wash and brush his teeth when he stays with your relative?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Thu 26-Jan-17 21:57:56

Something doesn't sound right here. How come he's in charge of making his own payments to the care home. That's really odd

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Thu 26-Jan-17 22:02:41

Op are you new on mumsnet?

honeytreasures Thu 26-Jan-17 22:06:40

He has a dentist who goes to the home (so he says), he says that he was seen a few months ago (6month check ups!?) yet nothing has been done about his teeth so i don't believe this. Like I said he doesn't stay With me I've just become aware, up until the past 6-8 months we weren't concerned about his care, everything has just suddenly gone tits up. He just isn't arsed, he knows he should do it but he needs encouragement and gets a bath sorted and told he needs to brush his teeth when he's staying. Surely the home should be doing this too? Not just leaving him to fester!

honeytreasures Thu 26-Jan-17 22:07:42

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe - no I've name changed. Why do you ask?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Thu 26-Jan-17 22:11:05

How come he pays the care home feed himself?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Thu 26-Jan-17 22:11:20


ABowlOfTomatoSoup Thu 26-Jan-17 22:12:00

I'm noooo way qualified. But this does smack of neglect to me.

He is in a care home for a reason. He needs care. He isn't capable of living on his own. He has a brain injury.

If he doesn't wear socks then it's not the end of the world, but as a carer I would ask him again in an hour after his first refusal.

His mouth care needs stepped up. Take him to a dentist to be checked. Get a family member to take him. The care home should have checks that they do and paperwork to support that it's being done. As a minimum his teeth should be brushed 2x a day. They should offer him the brush and paste. If he chose not to use them they can either gently cajole him or pop back later on and try again.

It is entirely their responsibility when he is with them. And the families when he is there.

I ran this past my husband who is a senior carer and he said move him. We don't have the full insight however but your post makes me feel very sad.

If he is as you say, then I assume that a member of the family has power of attorney and he is classed as a vulnerable adult.

I hope the cqc contacts you soon.

parklives Thu 26-Jan-17 22:13:05

I think you and your relatives need to move him out of that home, or take a more proactive stance with his care (does sound like you will be able to improve the care at his current home though).
The squeaky wheel gets the oil, unfortunately. Having worked with the elderly in the past, sometimes while they were in care homes, things do fall through the cracks even in the best places. I dread to think how people are treated in the worst places without proactive friends/family fighting their corner.

parklives Thu 26-Jan-17 22:14:30

Sorry, should read that it is unlikely you can improve the situation in current care home.

honeytreasures Thu 26-Jan-17 22:17:01

To be honest, I'm not sure. We asked if he has receipts and he says yes he shoves them in a drawer (we are now checking this). I don't mean to sound stupid, this is all new to me as I've never been in this position before. The care home actually has great reviews which makes me more worried about how I'm feeling hence the aibu. Should he be paying these directly through his bank? To add - we are close relatives but we aren't down as his next of kin (she's a shit who's gone AWOL) so I'm unsure of what rights we have. Can anyone advise me on that?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Thu 26-Jan-17 22:19:22

Where does he get the money from to pay the care home

honeytreasures Thu 26-Jan-17 22:19:51

Also to add - we aren't blood relatives, he was a relatives ex partner (father of her children) but he has no family as he's from down south and has been up here for 20+ years.

honeytreasures Thu 26-Jan-17 22:20:56

It's benefits - I'm not sure exactly what he receives.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Thu 26-Jan-17 22:25:20

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Crumbs1 Thu 26-Jan-17 22:27:18

If he has full capacity, there is little you can do. You could ask for his permission to see his care assessments and care plans/records.

If he lacks capacity you should ensure there is IMCA input via local authority. If he lacks capacity he cannot enter a contract over fees.

You could/ should make a safeguarding referral to the local authority. The details will be on their website. This would initiate an investigation into his care and direct oversight of his care plans and delivery.

mylittlephoney Thu 26-Jan-17 22:27:41

thisis your being quite defensive their. So you think op is not genuine? I'm getting hostility in every post.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Thu 26-Jan-17 22:28:57

I agree I sound defensive and hostile so I'll walk away now.

Ikeameatballs Thu 26-Jan-17 22:34:00

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe, I'm not sure why you think the OP should not have raised concerns?

OP has objective evidence of Neglect/Self-Neglect within a care setting. Whilst it's not clear what the exact arrangements are her relative is vulnerable and deserves to have his voice heard.

OP, I would suggest raising your concerns with the Vulnerable Adults safeguarding team within your relative's local social services.

Thinkingblonde Thu 26-Jan-17 22:35:19

If he's on benefits the care home usually get the fees paid to them direct from the local authority, at least that's what happens in the ones I know of.
He may also be in receipt of attendance allowance, the care home will claim for this on his behalf if so and use it as part of the fees.

honeytreasures Thu 26-Jan-17 22:46:02

I am currently on the phone to the relative (my mum) and she has said the manager said 'he should count himself lucky as because he's under 60 he's only had to pay £50 a week.. If he was over £60 it would be £100 a week!!!!' He was under a court order (care of the court?) for the first year he was there, now he is allowed to go out on his own locally (although he cannot maintain hygiene he is allowed to cross roads?) he is on PIP she says.

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