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To help my ex although it makes DP uncomfortable.

(6 Posts)
UnicornButtplug Thu 26-Jan-17 18:41:55

I split up from ex over 2 years ago, we have a son together and he has a daughter from a previous relationship.

After we split he had a year long relationship which ended fairly recently and I have had a few short flings and am currently in a newish (few months) relationship.

Ex has had a bit of a breakdown, is homeless, walked out on his job, self harm. He stopped seeking his DD but continued to see our DS because I allow him to come to ours and spend time with him while I hover in another room. He is now on medication and improving although his life is still a mess.

His other ex has agreed to contact with his DD resuming on the condition it is at my house and I am there. I have kept in contact with his DD through out.

I agreed without a second thought, it is d sons sister so of course I want to help.

My DP seems a bit uncomfortable with us 'playing happy families' while he is at work. I can see where he is coming from but it really isn't like that at all. He hasn't asked me not to do it but has made it clear he doesn't really like it.

So AIBU to do it anyway?

EpoxyResin Thu 26-Jan-17 18:47:18

I think you get to a point in life where most people you meet have baggage, and getting into a relationship with someone means dating them - baggage and all. I don't think there's any point hiding your situation from you new partner, and FWIW I think you're doing the right thing helping your ex in these circumstances. Your situation might not work for your new man though, but I think better you find that out now than further down the line if that's the way it's going to be. You're not taking the piss I don't think. I'd do it.

DorotheaHomeAlone Thu 26-Jan-17 18:53:21

I think you're going a good and kind thing for your ex and both dc. They are vulnerable right now and their needs trump a newish dp.

ShowMePotatoSalad Thu 26-Jan-17 18:54:05

I can understand why your partner is uncomfortable. But you're doing this enable your child, and other person's child, to see their father. You're also being immensely charitable and kind to your ex, and his ex in turn. You sound amazing, quite honestly.

Can you explain to your partner that this is not about playing happy families and that you're doing this purely for the kids who need adults in their life who can be selfless and make difficult decisions to benefit them.

Keep doing what you're doing, honestly. If your partner wants a kind, loving girlfriend then he'll stick with you.

UnicornButtplug Thu 26-Jan-17 19:22:40

I do get why he doesn't like it, I wouldn't be overjoyed either but the kids come first.

If I had romantic feelings for my ex I wouldn't be in a new relationship.

NanooCov Thu 26-Jan-17 21:09:40

I think you're doing a lovely thing and new DP (although acknowledging his discomfort) needs to suck it up. Particularly as it's a newish relationship.

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