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To not bother with these 'friends anymore'? Found nasty whatsapp group about me

(110 Posts)
user1485442361 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:42:19

I've moved to an area far away from my friends and family. I am looking for work nearer my family but in my field it's far and few between |(social worker and my parents live in a rural affulent area).

My Son's Grandmother has always been nice to my face. We've never met up socially but I do visit her house and she invites me to family events. Same with his Aunty.

Today they added me to a Facebook group on messenger. They're not very I.T literate so obviously didn't realise that deleting the group chat history wouldn't delete it from my phone once they added me.

As such I got to see 15 months worth of bitchy comments about me. From 'She's not that pretty' to taking pictures of my outfits and sending it to each other critiquing it.

When I got my Masters they messaged each other criticising me. They're both support workers who wanted to become Social Workers so it's obvious they were jealous of my achievement. In fact, their conversations scream jealousy and almost obsessive hatred. They've spent a considerable amount of time criticising me on the group.

I've heard the most ridiculous criticisms all of which are opinions based on the stupidest of evidence and some downright nasty comments. Along with the idea that I'm using my ex when I want to and taking advantage of him (because asked for child maintenance and applied for it once he refused). And how my Son would be better with his Dad and hates living with me (nonsense). I'm not even sure they truly believe these things. They just want to believe them.

So armed with this awful evidence, would I be unreasonable to not go to any more events I'm invited to and not chat to them except to discuss my Son? A part of me always suspected they didn't like me after I left my Ex but they were nice to my face so I thought I was being silly.

I've not said what I've seen yet but will do. Just choosing the best way to say it.

MuseumGardens Thu 26-Jan-17 16:47:05

Yanbu. How horrible for you. flowers

LonelyImSoLonely Thu 26-Jan-17 16:50:01

Absolutely don't see them agajn. Just comment that "thank you for adding me to the group so I could read through 15months of messages, it has really helped to knew what you think of me, although a simple text would have been quicker but no-where near as fun to read"

WatchingFromTheWings Thu 26-Jan-17 16:50:55

Wow. Print it all out. Write a cover note telling them you want nothing more to do with them. Pop it in post. Delete and block all social media. I'd go NC if that was me.

Mrscaindingle Thu 26-Jan-17 16:51:44

No you would definitely NBU to never see these women again. I would certainly be letting them know that I had seen their chats. I am not sure why you would be needing to discuss your son with them? Surely it is their dad's responsibility to be facilitating a relationship with them if they are his family. I can't think of any positives to having them in your or your son's life lives at all given how they have behaved.

Jengnr Thu 26-Jan-17 16:52:11

I wouldn't chat to them about anything. They can find out about your son from his dad.

Fuck 'em, you don't need this in your life.

RatherBeRiding Thu 26-Jan-17 16:52:15

I like Lonelys response.

And after I'd sent it I would block and delete the lot of them, and go NC with them. How horrible for you.

Oldraver Thu 26-Jan-17 16:52:38

Although its painful to see stuff like this, sometimes its the thing that finally lets you distance yourself with no guilt.

After my DH died I always made sure I took DS to see them even though he wasn't keen, they made no effort I did all the running, and I suspected they wern't that keen anyway. They did something awful which finally let me walk away with no guilt

Surreyblah Thu 26-Jan-17 16:52:45

shock

Yanbu

FatBottomedGal Thu 26-Jan-17 16:53:16

Oh wow. To be honest I'd say you're really lucky you got to read all of this, it's saved you an awful lot of time! There really is no way of them talking their way out of it, and probably no point trying anyway.

I would say exactly what Lonely suggested - word for word. Let us know what happens! flowers

And also biscuit

user1485442361 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:55:04

Is it bad that it's given me a confidence BOOST?

I must be pretty amazing to have two people so jealous of me that they felt it necessary to spend so much of their own time trying to put me down in their minds.

It's actually weirdly flattering. And putting down my achievements and looks wont make them social workers and it wont make them prettier.

LightsLoveLaughter Thu 26-Jan-17 16:55:21

Screen shot or print out would be my first thing to do, then I would send the screen shots one by one asking for a explanation for each one.

VioletRoar Thu 26-Jan-17 16:56:53

I'd screenshot the conversation and send it back to them. Nasty fuckers.

Mummamayhem Thu 26-Jan-17 16:57:07

Wow how horrid. I hope they squirm when they realise. But yeah, good way to see it, they're clearly very jealous.

VioletRoar Thu 26-Jan-17 16:57:57

I cross posted with, erm, everyone. 😂

ohfourfoxache Thu 26-Jan-17 16:58:17

Bloody hell shock

Keep a copy for now, just in case, but Lonely's response is ace

Rainydayspending Thu 26-Jan-17 16:59:51

Print it out should they lie to anyone over it in the future. Go with lonely's suggestion and go NC all the way. Never look back.

arethereanyleftatall Thu 26-Jan-17 17:02:38

Your second post suggests to me that you are cut up by their comments, and are pretending to yourself you're not. That's fine. I'd go with lemons reply above and then go nc.

OurBlanche Thu 26-Jan-17 17:02:51

I can't better Lonely's idea.

And no YANBU to have been given a boost by this. Take it, wear it with pride smile

arethereanyleftatall Thu 26-Jan-17 17:03:04

Not lemon - lonely!

user1485442361 Thu 26-Jan-17 17:03:05

Just realised the title says Whatsapp. It was on facebook the group.

BoffinMum Thu 26-Jan-17 17:03:54

Be completely dignified about it, and perfectly correct and generous at all times. That will make them squirm when they realise you've seen it.

bloodyteenagers Thu 26-Jan-17 17:07:18

Yup I would send it all back to them and go nc.

MrFMercury Thu 26-Jan-17 17:10:04

What they all said.
That must have been awful to read though, I'm so sorry.

user1485442361 Thu 26-Jan-17 17:11:46

It was awful.... but hilarious.

Sad because they were my only support network but I'd rather have no support than them. Glad I found out now.

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