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Messages from other woman

(94 Posts)
user1485446106 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:05:02

Hey all, my bf an I have been living together for almost 2 & 1/2 years, and in a relationship for three.
About a year ago we had a short split after a huge row for a few weeks during that time a woman he used to go to school with(recently divorced) messaged him on facebook, he exchanged one message with her just saying that he was under pressure and upset etc. and she replied with some general chat about her marriage and emotions and so on then asked him to meet for coffee and he agreed...we then got back together and he never met her for coffee..
The thing is she will NOT stop messaging him, there are now five unopened messages from her in his facebook messages, the last one she sent was just his name and a heart..prior to that she was messaging him effusively, oh my dear friend lets meet up and sing and talk..plenty of hearts, I think t's quite over the top, he says he hardly remembers her, she was just some girl that went to his school...but why is she so over the top?
Neither of us really use facebook but a few months ago he had posted a poem he wrote about me as his cover photo..under it she posted a whole pile of hearts and xxx's...
I feel like messaging her and asking her what she is doing or could she please stop, these days it's stressful enough with kids and life to keep your relationship well without divorcees plaguing people they remember from high school all over facebook...AIBU??

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Thu 26-Jan-17 16:07:14

Why doesn't he just block her?

SheldonsSpot Thu 26-Jan-17 16:07:14

He hardly remembers her... and yet he messaged her about being upset, under pressure, etc, and arranged to meet for coffee with her? Hmmmm ok.

Henriefta007 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:08:58

'Divorcees plaguing people' nice..

user1485446106 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:11:39

He wouldn't block her because he's like why would I do that it's just unfriendly, I'll just ignore her...yes Sheldon I know, that peeved me off big time but I can get my head around that maybe he felt alone and wanted someone to sound thing out to about him and I... it's really irritating me though, ok if you remember him as your friend send a friendly message but not all the bloody hearts all the time.

Goingtobeawesome Thu 26-Jan-17 16:12:06

Either he's shared more than he's saying or she's lonely and needs a friend.

He could block her or he could reply and say nice catching up but he doesn't want to meet up.

Don't be mean about her.

PurpleDaisies Thu 26-Jan-17 16:12:25

If it bothers your partner, he can easily block her. It isn't her that's the issue, it's his response that you should be annoyed about.

SheldonsSpot Thu 26-Jan-17 16:12:48

Why would he be bothered about appearing unfriendly to someone he claims to hardly remember?

user1485446106 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:15:18

Sheldon, exactly...I don't know...

user1485446106 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:16:35

Why is she not the issue when she knows we're together but still continues to message him even though he's not replying to her? I can't imagine repeatedly messaging someone who has a girlfriend even when I'm clearly getting no reply..

SheldonsSpot Thu 26-Jan-17 16:17:31

You need to direct all your irritation and frustration and anger about this toward your boyfriend.

He could shut this down quite easily, if he wanted to.

PurpleDaisies Thu 26-Jan-17 16:18:08

What I mean is, you have no control over how she behaves. Your bf could block her but has chosen not to. That's the problem here.

user1485446106 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:18:44

Yes, you're right - that's exactly right isn't it, he's just keeping her hanging on there for whatever reason, to fall back on or to eventually contact right?

user1485446106 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:19:35

I mean would I be out of order to message her and ask why she's SO over the top friendly with him and is there something between them or would that be crazy?

PurpleDaisies Thu 26-Jan-17 16:20:16

I don't know. He probably finds it flattering. Whether that means anything more or not isn't for me to say.

ilovesooty Thu 26-Jan-17 16:20:39

They were in contact briefly while you weren't together. According to you he isn't even opening the messages she's sending him so I don't see why you're taking this so seriously.

PurpleDaisies Thu 26-Jan-17 16:20:58

I mean would I be out of order to message her and ask why she's SO over the top friendly with him and is there something between them or would that be crazy?

Yes, it would be a daft thing to do. Do you trust your bf or not?

ilovesooty Thu 26-Jan-17 16:22:06

And yes - he could block her or ask her not to contact him. Perhaps you should ask him why he hasn't.

PurpleDaisies Thu 26-Jan-17 16:22:08

Just noticed, why are you calling her "the other woman" when nothing's happened between them?

user1485446106 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:22:32

' I don't see why you're taking this so seriously.' Me either, I guess like most people I just react to certain things in certain ways, some things bother me and some don;t, I can't say why this is bothering me so much but I appreciate the opinions...

user1485446106 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:23:19

Sorry I meant to post messages from another woman..

Emmageddon Thu 26-Jan-17 16:26:53

I know that I would message her, and ask her what is going on, I wouldn't be able to sit there not knowing. But you know, it's your boyfriend you really need to talk to. For all you know, he could have told her he's footloose and fancyfree and she's flirting with him as a potential new boyfriend.

ShowMePotatoSalad Thu 26-Jan-17 16:34:22

She's not the problem here.

Your DH not blocking her is the problem. If you've told your DH how this is making you feel, and he won't deal with what's going on, then I would be questioning his intentions and questioning the relationship.

user1485446106 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:39:33

I am questioning him and the relationship, that's why I asked if I'm being unreasonable to think this is a problem/something to question even in the first place, he would have me think that it's his perogative to be messaged by whomever he likes and that I don't own him, last week I sent him a link through his FB messages and he went into one about how he wasn't going to go and look at it because he didn't want anyone who he's friends with to see that he'd been online and wasn't replying to their messages, I said why don't you just reply to them then? Who and what are you ignoring and why? He ranted for a while about how it was his choice and none of my business etc.
Now I just feel that he's deliberately leaving the situation so that if he wants he fall back on her and say oh sorry I never use facebook, I didn't get your messages how are you....:/

The80sweregreat Thu 26-Jan-17 16:41:07

Tell him to block everything, not respond to her and hope she gets the message.
If he doesn't do this and it continues, then your right to be suspicious.

She sounds deluded to be honest, but it does depend on what your partner told her when you were not together too. I hope you can work things out.

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