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AIBU?

About people patting baby's bum?

75 replies

Laralouie · 26/01/2017 16:00

I've got an 18 month old baby. My second so I'm not being pfb.

My inlaws keep patting/slapping his bum quite hard. I really don't like it. They're not hitting him they're being playful but I just want to say "stop".

I know babies bums are cute in their nappies, I get that, it's just they do it quite hard, and often, mil especially and I just don't want people constantly touching his bum unnecessarily.

It makes me cringe. Mil has done it a couple of times to older, school age child although far less often.

I asked dh to gently ask them not to but he hasn't.

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KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 26/01/2017 16:04

Tell them to stop.

They can slap each other's arses if that's their thing.

If you're not in a sexual relationship with someone then touching their arse unnecessarily is very odd.

SheldonsSpot · 26/01/2017 16:04

"Please don't do that that MIL, I don't like it".

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 26/01/2017 16:05

Or just keep your distance.

BillyButtfuck · 26/01/2017 16:06

"I don't squidge your bum, please don't squidge his"

FireflyGirl · 26/01/2017 16:14

What exactly is it that you don't like? That you feel there is a sexual element to it? Not respecting personal boundaries? Is your objection to his grandparents doing it, or do you not do it yourself?

I often do this to (similar aged) DS as part of rocking him to sleep, or when we have a cuddle. To me, it's an expression of affection similar to rubbing his back.

If there are no warning signs that it's something sinister, it wouldn't bother me personally, but you may have different personal boundaries.

This seems to be something you and DH disagree on but haven't addressed, and I think you need to. He may not realise how bothered you are by this.

BingBongBingBong · 26/01/2017 16:16

Firefly I think the OP doesn't like it as they do it quite hard? It's weird OP, tell them to stop.

LemonyFresh · 26/01/2017 16:17

I love squeezing babies bums that's the best thing about babies, don't stop other people's enjoyment! I bet the baby loves it too

Backt0Black · 26/01/2017 16:17

I'd just say...... 'that really makes a mess in his nappies - can you stop?'

cricketballs · 26/01/2017 16:18

I've always done this without knowing why - it was just a natural reaction (like rocking left/right) whenever I'm cuddling a baby

picklemepopcorn · 26/01/2017 16:22

It depends how it's done. If it's as he's walking around then no, don't. It's intrusive. If it's part of the soothing, rocking to sleep then I'd say it's a good thing. It sets up a nice reassuring rhythm.

Laralouie · 26/01/2017 16:38

No I definitely don't think there's anything sexual in it, I'm wary of saying anything incase they think I'm accusing them.

The main bit I don't like is how hard mil does it, it's not a gentle soothing pat she bloody whacks it.

It's definitely not done in a soothing way though either like rocking him to sleep, I can understand patting to sleep, they do it when holding him but even when he's toddling around.

Something about it just doesn't sit right, it's like they're invading his space, I know he's a baby but I don't see why they need to show affection like that.

OP posts:

picklemepopcorn · 26/01/2017 17:01

I can see why. It sounds like they are effectively attention seeking. Interrupting his play with a smack to the bum, in the genuine belief that they are expressing affection. Which they are, but in an intrusive controlling way. Still, it won't do him any harm and there are far worse things they could be doing so...

FearTheLiving · 26/01/2017 17:03

I do this to mine all the time.

FireflyGirl · 26/01/2017 17:17

Definitely speak to your DH, make sure you're on the same page.

Do/did they do it to DC1?

As an excuse, I'd say that he has been smacking, so you're teaching by example so no 'taps' are allowed. You really need DH on side though.

SomethingBorrowed · 26/01/2017 17:30

I do it to my 3yo I thought everybody does it to children close to you, as a sign of affection.

Trifleorbust · 26/01/2017 17:34

I am so over this 'invading baby's space' thing. YOU don't like it, OP, and that is fine - just tell your MIL not to do it. You don't have to justify yourself, he is your child. But babies don't have the same concept of personal space as adults do. Unless he is objecting, this won't be hurting your son or upsetting him.

Rixera · 26/01/2017 17:34

No. It's weird. I hate it too.
Tell them to stop- you're teaching him appropriate boundaries. Plus you don't want people hitting him for obvious reasons! What if he started doing it to other children? It's not acceptable.

BertrandRussell · 26/01/2017 17:37

Good lord- doesn't everything do this? If they hurt him then of course they shouldn't. But it is quite usual. And the person who suggested it is somehow sexual is wierd!

itsallbollocks · 26/01/2017 17:45

If you don't like it, it stops. Tell them to stop it.

For younger babies, it can be comforting and reassuring. When ds was in the scbu, the nurse taught us to put one hand on baby's head, and one hand on their bum, as we were not allowed to hold our baby.

deadringer · 26/01/2017 17:45

Good grief op it's your child do or say whatever you want, just be aware that they will think you are ridiculous. As do I.

BertrandRussell · 26/01/2017 17:51

"If you don't like it, it stops. Tell them to stop it."

Absolutely fine. Just be aware that they might well be upset. And with due cause.

lovelyleftrubbishright · 26/01/2017 17:52

I do this with my DD, it just feels like a natural way to show affection to a baby/young toddler and I can remember my parents doing it to me! So not weird to me!
At 18months he'll be more than capable (one way or another) of letting them know if it annoys him! My DD shouts "no! stop!" and holds up a wagging finger if my brother gets in her personal space too much.

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Yukbuck · 26/01/2017 17:55

Completely totally agree with trifleorbust please don't use 'invading babies personal space' because it really isn't..if you don't like it, tell them. But yes I think it's a bit odd to be annoyed about this. Perhaps there's a back story?

Somerville · 26/01/2017 17:58

It's very easy to tell if a baby or young child is unhappy with a way in which someone else is interacting with them. It's not like they dissemble and pretend not to mind it if they hate it.

So if it doesn't bother them, don't let it bother you.
If it does bother them then, sure, speak up on their behalf.

The only thing I recall where I struggled not to say anything was when BIL would pick up my toddlers, chuck them in the air and kind of pretending he was dropping them as he caught them. It freaked me out. But they loved it so I STFU.

Laralouie · 26/01/2017 18:25

Thanks.

Fair point about invading baby's space trifle, perhaps a daft thing to say, but I just don't see any need to keep doing this to him, reminds me a bit of people who keep tickling kids even when it's tormenting them.

Dh noticed mil was patting ds bum really hard where it was more slapping. I said his mum was patting ds bum way too hard and he agreed but he said if she did it again he'd just say to her she was being a bit rough, he never did though.

There's no back story really, we all get on ok.

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