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To worry for dd

(100 Posts)
FrenchieCurls Thu 26-Jan-17 15:28:23

Before people attack me this is not a stealth boast! My dd is 8 and is a very pretty child. People comment all the time. Yesterday she came home upset because girls at school are excluding her and telling her shes too pretty. Weve had these issues before what should i do?

Gowgirl Thu 26-Jan-17 15:30:42

Its going to happen a lot in years to come, all you can do is encourage her to ignore it and play with someone else.

bumsexatthebingo Thu 26-Jan-17 15:34:13

I don't think that kids that age think of pretty in the same way adults do. My dd thinks people are pretty with multicoloured hair etc. I imagine there is another reason she's being excluded and they are trying to avoid getting into trouble by saying 'pretty' instead. Have you spoken to the teacher about it?

bumsexatthebingo Thu 26-Jan-17 15:35:32

I'm sure you dd is very pretty btw! I'm just not convinced 8 yo's care enough to use that criteria to select who they play with.

Floggingmolly Thu 26-Jan-17 15:35:48

There's no way 8 year old's are excluding a child for "being too pretty" hmm

FrenchieCurls Thu 26-Jan-17 15:36:36

I havent yet spoken to the teacher. Apparently one girl said to her youre too perfect to play with us. I cant believe 8 yr olds behave that way.

misblink Thu 26-Jan-17 15:37:25


Magzmarsh Thu 26-Jan-17 15:38:22

Sorry op but I find that hard to believe. I work with children and find that looks are pretty much irrelevant at your dd's age group and the older they get, the opposite of what you say happens in that they all flock round very attractive people and want to be associated with them. I would dig a bit more and try and find the real reason for her exclusion.

HerBluebiro Thu 26-Jan-17 15:39:23

Perfect may not mean pretty.

Is she also a 'good girl'. Teacher's favourite. That sort of thing?

Or too particular. Things have to be near and just so? That can be hard to play with if you are a messy child

bumsexatthebingo Thu 26-Jan-17 15:42:04

Agree with HerBluebiro. Does she have other friends who do play with her? If she dos I'd just tell her to stay away from the unkind ones and stick with her friends.

youarenotkiddingme Thu 26-Jan-17 15:44:41

Sounds like the kind of crap excuses 8yos come up with for excluding someone!

They'll be another reason - perfect sounds more plausible but an 8yo probably won't interpret 'perfect' the same way as an adult. It can mean passive or well behaved. It could mean they think your DD is a tell tale who will tell on their mischief!

I'd have a general word with the teacher and ask if she's noticed any friendship issues with regards your DD. Then bring up what your DDs said and ask for her take on it.

Floggingmolly Thu 26-Jan-17 15:47:34

If they said "perfect"; why would you interpret that as being about looks??
Most people would have taken it the way youarenotkiddingme did...

steppemum Thu 26-Jan-17 15:50:27

hmmm, dd is 9 and pretty at the moment is shorthand for anyone wearing a huge JoJo bow in their hair. She has no concept of conventional prettiness.

Too perfect on the other hand sounds like she is a goody goody, only does the sensible thing, threatens to tell if they do something 'naughty'

I think I would ask the teacher wht ais going on.

There si a great book called 'The unwritten rules of friendship' which can help you and her find a way of relating to the other kids.

harderandharder2breathe Thu 26-Jan-17 15:52:56

If they said "perfect" that doesn't mean pretty. It more likely means goody two shoes

Kids exclude others for the silliest of reasons but being pretty is the most ridiculous I've heard! So much that I do think there's more to it but that the girls aren't giving full reasons (because they know they're being mean excluding her).

Speak to the teacher about friendship issues but don't say it's because she's pretty!

amusedbush Thu 26-Jan-17 15:54:16

If they said "perfect" that doesn't mean pretty. It more likely means goody two shoes.

Yes, that's what I would assume.

Bluntness100 Thu 26-Jan-17 15:57:31

Too perfect can mean the goodytwo shoes kind of thing at that age. Tells on other kids, doesn't join in or get messy. Kids can exclude based on that.

It wouldn't mean pretty. In fact often some of the prettiest girls can be the most popular. Pretty tends to get singled out by a small few at a much older age, as they are jealous, but again it depends on the confidence of the "pretty "girl.

I'm curious why you would interpret it to be about her looks also? It's not a great message to give her.

FrenchieCurls Thu 26-Jan-17 15:57:40

They also said pretty. Dd did gymnastics and the teacher used to say she was gorgeous and put her at the front so other kids used to be funny with her. I had to ask the teacher to cut it out

Bluntness100 Thu 26-Jan-17 15:58:37

Oops cross posted but yes, having a daughter I can say perfect means goody two shoes and not fitting in with the other kids.

Bluntness100 Thu 26-Jan-17 15:59:26

>>Dd did gymnastics and the teacher used to say she was gorgeous and put her at the front so other kids used to be funny with her<<

This is very unusual for a teacher to be commenting on s child's looks in this manner. 🙄

FrenchieCurls Thu 26-Jan-17 16:02:38

Bluntness i know the teacher she used to say oh frenchie dd is so gorgeous i put her at the front.

Bantanddec Thu 26-Jan-17 16:03:47

Perfect = goody two shoes

trinketsofgold Thu 26-Jan-17 16:05:16

This whole thread is a bit hmm

SparklyMagpie Thu 26-Jan-17 16:08:02

I think you're chatting bollocks if I'm honest

Gowgirl Thu 26-Jan-17 16:09:23

Shouldn't every really pretty girl have a fat friend? Otherwise who is going to sit on the stairs with her at parties in her teens and tell her he's just not with it grin

Floggingmolly Thu 26-Jan-17 16:09:29

The gym thing is a step too far, op... You've over reached yourself hmm

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