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AIBU to join the gym and not tell anyone

(19 Posts)
lozzylizzy Thu 26-Jan-17 13:02:17

Well at least until I am well into it and this includes my DH.

I have every morning free due to DD going to preschool nursery and I have been wanting to start some exercise for ages. I am going tomorrow to see which gym package I would like/have a look round etc.

No one will know as everyone is out. I don't want anyone tagging along e.g. sister, mum, friend as this usually ends up happening and then I kind of rely that they are going to go and give me moral support....they can't be bothered to go anymore and then I give up myself.

Also I would like to just casually say to DH 'when I was doing * class at the gym' a couple of months down the line - just for my own giggles really.

PurpleDaisies Thu 26-Jan-17 13:06:55

I think it's a bit of an odd thing to keep secret. I went to the gym yesterday and almost can't walk today. I don't know how I'd explain that away.

It's totally your decision though. I don't like working out with others and I can understand why you don't want hangers on.

mynachos Thu 26-Jan-17 13:10:53

i personally welcome the company. gives me morw motivation
im not sure why you would want to keep it secret?

shakemysilliesout Thu 26-Jan-17 13:11:45

I understand wanting to workout alone so get not shouting about it to friends and family but bit strange to keep it from DH, we share finances here so are open about our exercise monthly spend.

lozzylizzy Thu 26-Jan-17 13:13:50

I feel a little conscious about starting if I am perfectly honest and I want to get into it and into a routine. I do sound completely bonkers don't I reading it back.

Valeriemalorie Thu 26-Jan-17 13:14:03


MusterTheRohirim Thu 26-Jan-17 13:14:35

I would tell your DH. I use mine to keep me motivated! Yesterday morning I said I was going in the evening, so when I went 'but its soooo cold, I just want to put my pj's on' he merely raised an eyebrow and that made me get going and I'm glad I did! I always feel great when I've been.

MrsRonBurgundy Thu 26-Jan-17 13:16:04

I did this when I started running - just did it and didn't mention to anyone that I was thinking of it. I did tell DH after my first run but it just felt good to do it and not rely on anyone's encouragement and have to answer questions about it. Something just for me I guess? I don't know but YANBU if that's what how you're comfortable doing it

Captainladder Thu 26-Jan-17 13:17:06


Totally understand about feeling self concious about it. Its not like you are keeping a terrible dark secret that will cause others to be hurt by it is it?

Enjoy your secret alone time at the gym! Sometimes its nice to have something that is just "yours"

TwitterQueen1 Thu 26-Jan-17 13:18:32

I totally understand why you just want to get familiar and comfortable with it by yourself. Go for it.

SheldonsSpot Thu 26-Jan-17 13:18:53

I think it's weird to keep it from your DH.

I can just imagine the responses to a thread about someone's DH joining and going to a gym for a couple of months, and deliberately keeping it from their wife confused

LongLiveTheChief Thu 26-Jan-17 13:23:37

I don't think you ABU at all.

I'm quite overweight and often feel embarrassed by the thought of even joining a gym to be honest. I quite like the idea of there being no pressure or expectation from anyone about when and how long you go to the gym etc.

I'm not sure I'd be able to keep it from DH, even practically down to washing the gym kit, but if you feel you need to surely he would be happy when you start to change and maybe feel a bit more confident to confide in him? X

justilou Thu 26-Jan-17 13:23:44

I am doing the same thing because my husband does this for a living and I just don't want to hear about it constantly - or worse - have him checking up on me in the gym!

Paddington68 Thu 26-Jan-17 13:50:18


NootNoot Thu 26-Jan-17 14:30:29

Go for it. Get stuck in & be happy doing it! :-)

Niskayuna Thu 26-Jan-17 14:59:31

I weightlift. So I wouldn't want anyone coming along with me, because I'm not going to look at them or chat, so if I thought the person might respond "I will come with you" I probably wouldn't tell them.

And I don't bang on about it, telling people my carb ratios and stuff. Because that's lame.

But it's no big secret. I guess it depends on what the people around you are like. If they're likely to try tagging along, or sneer 'I told you so', or generally be unsupportive, it might be best not to tell them.

I think it's a bit weird to think saying "I go to Bodypump" in two months, though, is going to be fun for your DH. He's quite likely to neither care nor even notice the comment, and then you'll be hurt (even though he might be tactfully trying not to make a big thing of it as you clearly wish), or he'll find it suspicious you've been all weird and sneaky about it for no good reason. I can see how it might feel like taking a bit of power and independence back, but maybe that's the root problem that should be addressed, rather than faux secrecy.

Blobby10 Thu 26-Jan-17 15:00:55

YANBU! And I completely understand your reasons why - but make sure you don't end up hurt because youve been going for two weeks and noone has noticed the difference in your body shape etc. Its going to take way longer than a couple of weeks for that to happen!!

Twooter Thu 26-Jan-17 15:06:48

Yanbu. I did mfp in secret for a month once and did really well. As soon as I told my dh he started trying to 'help motivate' me and it all backfired aMe I gave up.

dollydaydream114 Thu 26-Jan-17 15:16:30

YANBU - I totally understand where you're coming from.

I know some people love having company for that kind of thing, but personally I find it much easier and more motivating if I can really focus and do my own thing without having to worry about anyone else.

I also think it can be easy to feel a bit of pressure when you tell people you're exercising or taking up a new activity or going on a diet or something - I always imagine they'll be looking at me and thinking 'She's been doing this for weeks now, why doesn't she look like a super-fit athlete yet?' and then I feel self-conscious.

A few years ago I lost a lot of weight through diet and exercise and I didn't tell anyone until people actually noticed that I'd shifted quite a few pounds and started asking me about it. DP knew because obviously we eat together, but the first few times I did an exercise DVD I didn't tell him and did the workouts when he was out. He realised what I was up to when one day he came home just after I'd done a Jillian Michaels workout and I was basically lying on the floor drowning in sweat and complaining that I thought I might throw up. grin

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