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To feel so down and disillusioned about work and worry that I will never find a job that makes me happy?

(20 Posts)
SharkiraSharkira Thu 26-Jan-17 11:43:58

I am currently studying at uni and am in the last year of my course so I'm thinking a lot more about the future and what sort of work I will be able to get when I finish.

The more I think about it the more depressed I get. I realise now that my choice of degree was probably not the right one, at least for this area, as the job opportunities are terrible but when I started that course I was in a really bad place emotionally and mentally and I just really needed to do something that I was interested in that I felt I could stick at for the duration of the course. That just happened to be a science degree. I'm also at a bit of a loss about what to do next because I need to do a top up year and I don't know whether to continue with something I like which is unlikely to get me a job or do something potentially more useful that I won't enjoy.

Unfortunately I live in a touristy area of the country and there are very few jobs in general, let alone in science, that are not either a) seasonal, b) involved in catering and hosptality or c) both.

I've worked in catering/hospitality for the last decade on and off and I really don't want to do it anymore, hence why I went to uni to try and do something different. All of my work history is either retail or catering so I'm finding it really hard to get anything that isn't either of those let alone anything more professional.

I'm just really trying to see some hope for the future and I'm finding it really hard. At the moment all I can see is a future where I'm working in a crappy job that I hate and getting paid minimum wage for the privilege.

Aibu to be worrying about this now or should I just wait until my course is finished and see what happens? I don't want to earn mega bucks or anything, I just want to do something interesting that makes me happy. Help me!

PS: Moving is really really not an option at the moment.

AndShesGone Thu 26-Jan-17 11:50:29

Why is moving not an option? confused

Even if your children were settled in schools they can be settled elsewhere.

Touristy places are not great for decent full time careers.

Your science degree will be in demand somewhere good smile

SharkiraSharkira Thu 26-Jan-17 11:58:27

Dp has a child here who he won't move away from, for obvious reasons! We are planning to get married in the next few years so that means I will be here too. Tbh I do love the area its just terrible for work options if you don't own a hotel or restaurant.

Niskayuna Thu 26-Jan-17 12:04:05

Science is an excellent degree. Even if you don't go into science, it's a respected discipline. Pity people who did something that looks a bit rubbish on a CV no matter how you swing it. You made an excellent choice.

Right. The touristy stuff. Sorry, probably no way around that. Like every other person who realises the downside of rural living, tourist-hotspot living or living on a remote island with naught but cows and wind for company, good job opportunities are not plentiful in such locations.

It's a shame you have a partner that can't move but ultimately... I guess I just wouldn't throw my life away for that. Can you imagine lying on your deathbed thinking "Maybe I shouldn't have stayed just because my boyfriend lived here, I could have done so much more."

You have a good degree and, in a city, excellent opportunities for work, a career, a great salary, nice home, great life. OR, you stay in Nowheresville-on-Sea and work Saturdays in a tea shop. With a degree. And that kind of makes me really sad for you.

Where's your nearest city? Would you consider moving within commutable distance of it, so you can work, and then still date/visit the boyfriend/kid?

AndShesGone Thu 26-Jan-17 12:33:39

You're not married and have no children.

^ that's the bald facts

Don't throw your entire life/career/happiness away on a boyfriend who you might marry.

flowers Well done at overcoming your mental health issues.

blueshoes Thu 26-Jan-17 12:58:06

Along with your course and career, do you need to re-assess your relationship? Not necessarily to throw the relationship away but to look at how it is set up and what you are getting out of it.

I'd not let a man string me along for so long when my life is on hold because of him and his child. Then again, it does not take me long to issue ultimatums if I felt there was a serious imbalance, which I think there is in your case.

More options could open up for you if you were a little more selfish about your own needs and fulfilment. It has been many years already.

SharkiraSharkira Thu 26-Jan-17 13:05:30

Just out of curiousity would it make a difference if we were already married?

AndShesGone Thu 26-Jan-17 13:15:20

Possibly. I would expect it to be more of a joint decision about where you live if you were married.

Right now it's just your partner deciding where he lives. And you're going along with that even though it's actually at detriment to your whole future career confused

If you were married and planning having children soon and planning on staying
home and not starting a career using your degree then yes, my advice would be less career focused.

You're still young and literally at the beginning of your career. I wouldn't throw that away in the direction of someone else's needs.

AndShesGone Thu 26-Jan-17 13:18:52

Also, there will be science parks or small industry outside most towns and cities. Even if you moved an hour away and it was only half way your partner could still see his child couldn't he and you could do a reasonable commute?

What are the compromises? Is he 50/50 with his kid? Makes it a fair bit more work to be an hour away - but there's not much excuse if he only sees them alternate weekends and one night in the week.

blueshoes Thu 26-Jan-17 13:57:15

The arrangements already seem one-sided in favour of your partner. Even if you were married, you would be the shafted partner who has had to make the sacrifices. Why would you do it without being married to him and without both of you making a commitment to a shared life.

This is not one year. It is years and years.

Presumably he is the higher earner before and after your course. Is he financing your course and your living expenses?

Marriage is generally not financially advantageous to the higher earner. If this is the situation, by not marrying you, he is keeping his options open and his wallet safe.

Lorelei76 Thu 26-Jan-17 13:58:43

Married "in the next few years"? Do you mind if I ask how old you are?

Not moving to where the jobs are because you might marry your DP in a few years is crazy. If you want a career, go and get one. You will not regret it. If the relationship doesn't survive long distance for a while, then you will know even more how to plan your future.

I'm going to be blunt but on MN in particularly I am sick to death of seeing women put important wants and needs on the shelf because of a man. If you had said "I'm 50, we've been together 20 years and my DP doesn't want to move to Antarctica for my next big work project" that would be different, it would need more assessing.

But if you are young and just starting out, you put your career first. You will never regret that. Is there a chance you will regret putting a man first? Hell yes. Do most people say this kind of stuff? Hell no. There's too much hearts and flowers shit clouding judgement. A good career will be something you can treasure, enjoy and be proud of your whole life.

oldestmumaintheworld Thu 26-Jan-17 14:04:11

I realise that you don't want to hear this, but you need to move to where the jobs are. Yes, I understand about your partners responsibilities, but they are his, not yours. You are young and need to make the most of the opportunities you have. A science degree can take you anywhere you want to go, make a success of your life and use your talent and I'm sure if you weren't together you wouldn't hesitate to move for a good job. That's what you need to do now. He can come and visit you and vice versa. If your relationship survives then you can then renegotiate where you both live. Please don't let this hold you back.

BreezyThursday Thu 26-Jan-17 14:10:00

I live in a similar sounding place with a similar degree. I don't work in science but have a job that values a degree level education.
Are you looking for a pure science role like lab work etc.? Is there a science park anywhere near? NHS?

It's obviously difficult if your DP has a child - does he have any custody or formal visitation or just like being near? Moving a bit further for him but a but nearer for you might make a big difference to what is available?

For those telling OP to get our of relationship - not being married doesn't mean she wants/need to leave her other half. Plus I've seen plenty of wives on here advised to leave husbands, so not sure how it's relevant.

Lorelei76 Thu 26-Jan-17 14:57:58

Breezy "For those telling OP to get our of relationship - not being married doesn't mean she wants/need to leave her other half."

but she might be able to work elsewhere part of the time and be in his neck of the woods the rest of the time? The relationship doesn't have to end if she works away for a time.

BreezyThursday Thu 26-Jan-17 16:52:08

Lorelei: Absolutely (done long distance myself; it lasted).
Apologies if I had read comments meaning 'learn to live apart for a bit to explore career' as 'escape him now or be doomed to drudgery'. ☺

Chippednailvarnishing Thu 26-Jan-17 16:57:36

Can you have a look at graduate fairs and see what's on offer. I found finishing uni quite overwhelming as I didn't like the uncertainty, but it's just another life stage. Moving isn't something to dismiss at this point in your life...

Surreyblah Thu 26-Jan-17 18:00:34

The degree sounds great, agree with other posters though that, especially if you're young, you should move somewhere there will be more jobs.
You and DP could see each other most weekends. More if he has less than 50/50 time with his DC.

If you really must stay where you are, good science teachers are needed!

SharkiraSharkira Thu 26-Jan-17 22:49:26

Surrey, dp works Saturdays so we wouldn't even get weekends together sad

Ideally I really want an option that means I don't have to move or break up with dp!

Surreyblah Fri 27-Jan-17 18:23:03

Could he take Mondays off sometimes?

It's not sensible to limit your long term economic position or financial independence. You could earn more living elsewhere, and if the relationship is good find a way together to make it work.

How much does he have his DC?

Surreyblah Fri 27-Jan-17 18:23:25

Or you could go all out to work towards a job at the nearest university.

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