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AIBU?

To ask her for coffee again?

35 replies

dontpullyourbrotherswilly · 25/01/2017 21:14

I feel a bit pathetic to ask mumsnet for help here but I really don't know what to do with this.
Just as background - Not very long moved to a new area, became sahm, don't really have any friends here and not very socially confident.

So to the question, i go to the local playgroup, where i became quite friendly with another mum, at one point we exchanged phone numbers (for a different reason)
I asked her for a coffee , she accepted and suggested couple of dates - when the day came my DS was sick and ended up in hospital so I wasn't able to make it, texted her and she understood and suggested we made new plans at next playgoup. Due to other circumstances I wasn't able to go on that day. Then it was Christmas.
Now we have met again in playgroup but I haven't mentioned the coffee and neither has she.
I feel like maybe she was just being nice initially accepting my invite and in fact she seems to be quite busy and have plenty of friends (from what I can see in playgoup) and perhaps isn't really looking for more.
Would it be awkward to ask again or just leave it and move on?

Sorry for such a trivial problem- i just keep going back and forth on what I should do and I really don't know.

OP posts:

Report

Mammylamb · 25/01/2017 21:16

Just ask her. As for her having lots of other friends; that's a good thing. It means she can introduce you to more mums.

FoxTeaParty · 25/01/2017 21:16

I would ask again, if she didn't want to I am sure she would of made her excuses.

WineIsMyMainVice · 25/01/2017 21:18

Go for it! Just mention it casually and have a couple of times/dates to suggest. You could just say ßomething like 'we never did manage to get together for coffee did we? How about next week?'

booksandcoffee · 25/01/2017 21:18

Ask again.

Magzmarsh · 25/01/2017 21:20

Don't overthink it, just ask. Good luck op.

NavyandWhite · 25/01/2017 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dontpullyourbrotherswilly · 25/01/2017 21:22

The thing is this isn't London, people here are super friendly and nice - so she might not say no even if she isn't that keen.
Then again i think if let too much time pass then it would be even harder to ask again.

So silly- feel like I'm trying to ask someone out for a date

OP posts:

dontpullyourbrotherswilly · 25/01/2017 21:24

Btw didn't mean to offend all Londoners.
I was a Londoner until recently and I'm still not used to how friendly people are where I am now (up north)

OP posts:

BalloonSlayer · 25/01/2017 21:27

Blimey it's you who cancelled then was not available to make new plans, not her. She hasn't given you any hint that she doesn't want to meet you. Go for it!

MrsTarzan1 · 25/01/2017 21:31

Ask her again :)

harderandharder2breathe · 25/01/2017 21:39

Ask her! As you cancelled both previous times she probably thinks you're not that bothered even though it was for good reasons

carabos · 25/01/2017 21:42

If she seems to have lots of friends then chances are she's a sociable type and therefore likely to be open to new people. Ask her again, you've got nothing to lose.

Leeds2 · 25/01/2017 21:45

Ask her! She may think that you had previously cancelled because you didn't want to meet up.

Lynnm63 · 25/01/2017 21:51

Ask her worst case scenario she says no.

dontpullyourbrotherswilly · 25/01/2017 21:52

Thanks!
I suppose I should ask again. Maybe in person when i next see her?
How do i make it sound quite casual and not like I'm asking her out?

I'm really rubbish at this.
Previously i made friends at work- basically people that you see every day whether you want to or not- and i have a group of friends from high school- again people you see every day whether you want to or not
None of those friends unfortunately live within a 500m radius

OP posts:

Misswiggy · 25/01/2017 21:56

Why don't you say "do you fancy asking a few mums for a coffee morning, I noticed u seem to know quite a few people and I don't know anyone"! That way you're killing two birds with one stone - you don't have to feel awkward meeting alone as u don't know one another well and you will hopefully get to meet a few mums.
As a mum who has been around the block a bit I think sometimes you can assume that people know loads of other peop,e, when in reality they're often feeling just the way you are. Just take the plunge and ask, it's important you start making friends before u start feeling isolated (this happened to me back in the day but then I realised no one was going to doing anything about it expect me) - now I know everyone!!

Turquoisetamborine · 25/01/2017 21:57

Why don't you just add her on Facebook then message her? Less awkward than face to face. Suggest going to a soft play or something.

Misswiggy · 25/01/2017 22:01

Just be honest too "I've moved from down south and don't know anyone - feeling a bit lonely" - if she didn't cop to that then maybe u wouldn't want to be friends with her anyway! I'd always make the effort to be friendly to someone moving from a new area as I remember what it was like myself.(I too, am a 'friendly northerner'! )

MimsyFluff · 25/01/2017 22:01

Are planning on doing a Wendy

dontpullyourbrotherswilly · 25/01/2017 22:06

I don't know how to find her on Facebook as I don't know her last name but i do have her phone number
Still i think since last time i texted and it didn't work out I should try to do it in person, even though it is a lot harder for me.

And that was meant to be 500mls (not meters, meters would be great)

OP posts:

donkeystone · 25/01/2017 22:10

Yes, ask her again!

charlestrenet · 25/01/2017 22:14

Say what wineismy said. It'll be fine!

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Cel982 · 25/01/2017 22:17

You're really overthinking this (I do that too). You cancelled the original 'date', she'll be expecting you to ask again. Just text her, something like "Can we make time next week for that long-overdue coffee?! Wednesday morning suits me" or whatever.

Bluntness100 · 25/01/2017 22:18

Of course you should ask, you asked her, you cancelled, you agreed to set another time, and you have yet to do so, I'd assume you didn't want to be friends, if you do, then ask.

LaContessaDiPlump · 25/01/2017 22:19

Ah op, don't worry - we have all been there in the awkward playgroup place. I'd definitely ask her again - if she's worth cultivating she will be sorry to hear your DS was ill and not mind a bit.

As an aside, I had a good trick for learning people's names at playgroups; there's usually a sign-in sheet for you to fill in as you enter the room, and it'll have the names of both mum and kids on. I used to read those sheets carefully so I could learn little James's mum's name before engaging her in conversation. Bit stalkery now I think of it but it was a good tactic as I succeeded in making a few friends outside playgroup!! Anyway, not sure if that's useful to you but thought I'd share

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