Wanting another baby hubby doesn't?

[Clothnappybum]

Hi
We have 3 children the youngest being 8 months, I really would like a 4th and have said I'd get my tubes tied at the Caesarian, my husband doesn't want another one and I feel I'm talking him into it.
What would you do in this situation?

[Writerwannabe83]

I had to talk my DH into having another DC and it took me 18 months. The big difference though is that I was only after a second child, not a fourth!!!

What is your financial situation? Do you both work or would be DH be the only earner and have that weight on his shoulders of more mouths to feed and children to clothe etc?

Have you ever discussed how many children you both wanted prior to starting TTC for even your first?

[Iamastonished]

I'm sorry, but I'm with your husband on this. You have three already. Don't be greedy. When you have had another will you feel that you have done with having children or will you keep saying "just one more"?

Having another will probably mean having to buy a much larger car (if you drive), more expense, more sleepless nights, more work and drudgery etc. So, why do you want another? And how old are the children you already have?

[Newbrummie]

Don't do it honestly the 4th is often the straw that breaks the camels back a friend and I were discussing this tonight. We both have 4 and would stop at 2.5 if we could do it again

[Clothnappybum]

I work he was doing radiography but is going to wait until the children are older

[Clothnappybum]

So you regret your children

[Clothnappybum]

Well we have a big enough car and have baby stuff already.

[MTB1003]

He doesn't want another one so that's it really. It's not about having a big car or baby stuff already. You have 3, why do you feel that they aren't enough for you?

[HeyRoly]

I don't think anyone ever regrets a child, in the sense of wishing they were never born. Not many people could bring themselves to say something that callous sounding.

BUT I don't think "you'll never regret a child" is actually a good reason to have a fourth child (or a third or a fifth or whatever).

If your husband doesn't want a fourth then I think it'd be wise to stick at three. Three is plenty anyway!

[MorrisZapp]

There's nothing you can do. He doesn't want more.

[PurpleDaisies]

Isn't this a fairly common thing to happen after you've had your "final" baby? The feelings go away, possibly with help from a counsellor if you need it.

It isn't fair to pressurise someone to have another baby if they don't want one.

[user1484317265]

Do? Nothing. You can't have a baby with someone who doesn't want one.

[PaintingOwls]

OK but why do you want a fourth? Is it purely a biological urge? Do you have any reasons?

[harderandharder2breathe]

You have three children already, it's got to be a joint decision but you can't (or at least shouldn't) force him to have another child. It could break your marriage which would then have long lasting consequences for you and all your children

[PatriciaHolm]

If he doesn't want one, he doesn't one. This is one situation where compromise isn't really possible if he's adamant, and the person who doesn't want to have another baby gets to "win", though that's not the right word really. Creating another human being is joint decision.

[Famalam13]

If he doesn't want another I think you have to accept it. Get counselling if you are really struggling but focus on your marriage and the children you already have :)

[DailyFaily]

Well if he is a SAHD with ambitions to return to his profession when the children are older, I think you have to respect the fact that he doesn't wish to add another child to the mix since this will necessarily delay the timescale within which he can return to work.

[OneWithTheForce]

You have an 8month old. Surely it would be sensible to wait and see how that person fits into your family/lives before adding a whole other person to it? Dynamics change as babies grow into toddlers and then older children. At 8 months you can't really tell how hard 3 children is. I'd wait another 3 years if I were you. See how you feel then.

[Newbrummie]

So we regret our children ? Yes to be honest. We wouldn't send them back, if you said to me pick two you can keep I couldn't choose. But do I regret having them. Yes. It was a huge mistake on two occasions. I'm sure nobody could have talked me out of it at the time though

[Newbrummie]

Actually that's not true I did know it was a mistake at the time but choose to ignore everyone and my gut feelings

[OneWithTheForce]

Same here brummie

I think it's ok to say that. We should be able to say that.

[M0stlyHet]

It's one of those situations where no trumps yes, in my opinion. He doesn't want another baby, so his is the casting vote. Would be the same if it was the other way round. (And think of it from the point of view of the child - a child deserves to have both parents actively want to have that child.)

[Writerwannabe83]

So he's the SAHP? If he is then you are being really, really unreasonable.

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

Your youngest is 8 months and you already want another baby. You have 3 kids and DH doesn't want another.

You can't convince or persuade. If he doesn't want another then that's totally fair enough and you can't change it.

I think with 3 kids already you should just try to be contented.

[Hellmouth]

At the end of the day, you can't force someone to have more kids if they don't want to.

You have three already, one who isn't even a year old! Focus on the family you do have and you might find the urge for more goes away.